I am a mess

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Jun 11, 2010.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I'm on my way to PA in the back seat of my sister T's car next to mom.

    This morning as I was packing, I fell apart. Putting together some picture collages to hang in her new room at the home...man, that was it. I tried to stop, to remind myself how this is a good thing for mom, bit it still just svcks!

    Can I get a little board strength for tomorrow when we have to move her in? Much appreciated.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Prayers Jo. It is so hard to watch our parents grown old. I'm sending strength to get you through the day.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I can sympathize... It was hard to see my Grandma and Grandpa like this... But they just couldn't do it on their own anymore.

    LOTS of hugs. It will be OK - think of this - she will meet people, have things to do, and most importantly, have someone to take care of her.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs. I know how difficult this is, I went thorugh it with each of my parents. It's a tough process. She will adjust, and you will adjust, too. It just takes time. Hugs, again.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Big hugs, Jo.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo, I know you are worried and think this is the end of the world. It isnt. Your mom is going to be just fine. I promise.

    I will bet money...in fact, I have a dollar right here with your name on it ok, that your mom will be in great spirits really soon and telling you about all her new friends!

    One of the good things about Alzheimers and dementia is that they forget stuff fast and they make new friends quick and can be redirected quite quickly. I bet this new place will have all kinds of great stuff to keep her occupied. My mom was basically an infant by the time she went in but she loved to go to the dining hall and sit with the others and watch tv. She would nod and get excited when she saw people. It didnt have to be anyone she knew but just people.

    It will be ok...promise.
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry.
    My own mother died at age 49 and I did not have the opportunity to see her grow old.
    But, I was able to be with my in laws during their old age. I was particularly close to my father in law. Making the decision to place them in a facility was really, really hard. What helped, is that we visited a lot.
    Is this place close enough to make that do-able?
    We went so often, the employees often commented on it. We were able to pick up items they needed and to even see what little things the staff needed that might be of help.
    Just an idea...the frequent visits helped a lot and it was the best arrangement for everyone.
    In time...it will get better...but the transition is often rocky. Hang in there and (hugs).
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs.
  9. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    Sorry, Jo. But she will adjust. It will take longer for you than for her, unfortunately.

  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hang in there, Jo. You will get through this. I think Janet gave you great advice.

  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry for what you're going through. Life is so hard, but this last chapter is especially hard to accept. We are with you in spirit tomorrow and every day. Love, ML
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thank you thank you thank you!

    We only finally arrived in York an hour ago-what a drive. We had to stop a gazillion times and hit traffic all the way. But we're here now. I am sharing a room with mom, and a little funny here, she has had perpetual and constant gas my whole life...and gues what? We have to share a bed OMG! Lol

    Anyway, going to sleep soon. Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts. Janet and nomad, I know you are right and I appreciate you both sharing your stories with me.
  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jo, I'm thinking of you and your Mom this morning. I hope the transition is as smooth as it can be and that your Mom is happy there.

  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending positive vibes your mom's way! I hope the transition is smooth.

  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hearts and Roses, you are doing the right thing. She will adjust. Really.

    Sorry about the bedsharing. LOL! by the way, take her off of milk and let her drink Lactaid. It will help. Really.
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Long day, I'm exhausted, but everything went way better than expected. Mom cried a little, though I wasn't there for that-T and I were doing the admission papers. By the time we got up to her room M and my sister S had her in her room and were unpacking her things. She looked worried but okay. We decorated her room really nice and she ate an enormous lunch- all food she shouldn't eat but that will change once her diet is adjusted to diabetic.

    When we left she was napping and well, she seemed ok.

    Things went really well with M and guess what? She not only confessed to her addictions with gambling to but also to her H and she's going to start GA meetings! I am hoping AA follows. We are okay and she thanked me for calling her out on her behavior.

    Thanks so much for your strength thoughts and prayers. I am grateful.
  17. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I am looking at this some day with my mother. She is seventy five and growing increasingly frail and crippled up (spinal stenosis and other arthritis) I still can't get her to go get a handicapped tag for her car.

    Sooner or later she is going to have to go into assisted living. I am dreading it. Alzheimers does not run in our family, nor do short lifespans. My maternal grandfather had to go into care after several falls in his condo, but at 102, he is still in his right mind. He has to use a walker to get around due to his balance being poor and he's awfully deaf, but other than that I wonder sometimes if he'll wind up outliving my mother.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I haven't had experience with this, but I can almost feel the angst and pain just by reading others write about it. Sending prayers, love and good thoughts. Why not see how she does? She may enjoy having constant company. My elderly father is 86 and is still able to go to dances (and he does!), but most of the day he is home alone and is too stubborn to move to a senior apartment complex...and I feel so bad because he is often bored and lonely. Also, I worry if he needs help because he couldn't get it. Think about the pros...mom is in good hands! And I'm sure she knows, in some way, how much you love her. (((Hugs)))
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think you are incredibly brave and have a huge heart.

    Sending hugs for your hard day.
  20. Doddlin

    Doddlin Guest

    My husband and I volunteer for hospice. Many of our patients are in a care center for alzheimer's, dementia, etc. I can tell you they cannot remember much of anything moment to moment, EXCEPT the mood you leave them with. It's been proven that simple things that lift their mood has a big impact and lasts, even though they cannot remember why they are smiling. I hope that makes sense. One of our patients (68 with Parkinson's) thinks her Son and daughter are in the other room. Just about every time she hears a voice, she'll say, "That's Jim my son." We use "ethical lying" and distraction to allow her this thinking vs. correcting it. This means she gets to feel as though her kids are right there all the time. She talks about all of the things she does all day (most of them she didn't do). I'm not sure what your Mom is suffering from, but I promise she will adjust and with love and support from family and care workers, she will continue to have some joy. Focus on leaving her with positive feelings, love and support. Hugs.