I am an adult with ODD. AMA.

[idefy]

Hey all, I'm an adult with ODD on a mission to raise awareness for our kind. I want to educate people and help parents interact with their ODD kids better, since there's not a lot of material on it from our point of view.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, adults can have ODD and it is a lifelong disorder. Ask me for more info if interested.

Essentially, ask me anything about ODD/CD and I'll answer. I can also answer questions relating to ADHD.

 

[good vibes]

Thanks for writing. I'm impressed that you're so open. So, would you mind telling me about your journey? You've clearly grown into an adult with a strong sense of self. How did you get through your formative years to arrive here?

 

[Andreia Rossi Correa]

Hey all, I'm an adult with ODD on a mission to raise awareness for our kind. I want to educate people and help parents interact with their ODD kids better, since there's not a lot of material on it from our point of view.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, adults can have ODD and it is a lifelong disorder. Ask me for more info if interested.

Essentially, ask me anything about ODD/CD and I'll answer. I can also answer questions relating to ADHD.

Hi, I'am Andreia from Brazil, and my doughter is 15y and she is teen with ODD. Hope you can give me some hope for the future.

 

[Nandina]

Hello Andreia and welcome. I’m sorry you are having to deal with a teen with ODD. Contrary to what some believe, I don’t think that just because a teen or young person is diagnosed with ODD that it will always negatively impact them for life. At least, not in the way it affects a child.

In my case, my daughter, now 34 (and not the child who brought me here), was diagnosed with ODD as a youngster. She was angry, argumentative, and couldn’t stand to hear the word “no.” But she mostly reserved her disagreeable behavior for the home and was a perfect student in school. I had more battles with her than I care to remember! We later found out that she had anxiety and that often contributed to her out of sorts behavior. She never got into drugs or in any kind of trouble and in fact, graduated as valedictorian of her high school.

She will probably always be argumentative. She would make a great lawyer, and in fact has considered law as a career and may return to school later. Good for her—it suits her personality. But as she has grown into a responsible adult, she is kind, has a good job and is loving towards her family, who she acted like she hated when she was younger. Some of the behaviors that are so disagreeable in an immature child turn into leadership skills in an adult with the onset of some maturity.

Teens go through stages. The young brain is still developing and sometimes, with the onset of maturity, they can do a complete turn-around. I don’t mean to give false hope here, but just want you to know that what affects them as a child doesn’t always have to affect them as an adult. There have been other posts on this board recently that indicate the same premise. Read about when the ”good” child goes bad.

I would recommend family counseling, strong boundaries, and always consequences for inappropriate behavior. You will have many battles, I’m sure. And I hope that as she matures, those negative behaviors will recede. They may not, but by creating strong boundaries early on, you have begun to prepare yourself in the event that her oppositional behavior continues or gets worse as an adult. I hope drugs are not involved—that brings a whole other level of problems because drugs alter the brain’s chemistry and change the personality. And of course, they’re addictive.

Please continue to post here and seek advice from the many wise parents on this board. It would be helpful to know a little more about your situation too. There are lots of moms and dads here who have been through similar experiences and can lend support. We’ve been there and we care.

 

[Nandina]

Read about when the ”good” child goes bad.

The thread on this board I was referring to is When the Easy Child Falls posted under Parent Emeritus.

 

[Susiescutt]

Hey all, I'm an adult with ODD on a mission to raise awareness for our kind. I want to educate people and help parents interact with their ODD kids better, since there's not a lot of material on it from our point of view.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, adults can have ODD and it is a lifelong disorder. Ask me for more info if interested.

Essentially, ask me anything about ODD/CD and I'll answer. I can also answer questions relating to ADHD.

Hello,

I have a son with severe ADHD. He has previously had addictions but is currently ok. He has recently split from a long term relationship. His life is in turmoil. He currently is sleeping in our shed. (His choice....he could come into the house if he wanted). However, he looks after his 2 children on a daily basis and manages to keep working. His ex-partner is of course being as difficult as possible. She's angry. There's lots of advice on this forum based on 'tough love', what are your thoughts? He is difficult to be around as his anxiety is heightened at the moment. He is medicated and under the care of psychiatrist. He is forgetful in the extreme, leaving appliances on etc. I worry about his job as he seems to spend less and less time doing it.

 

[mindinggaps]

Hello Andreia and welcome. I’m sorry you are having to deal with a teen with ODD. Contrary to what some believe, I don’t think that just because a teen or young person is diagnosed with ODD that it will always negatively impact them for life. At least, not in the way it affects a child.

In my case, my daughter, now 34 (and not the child who brought me here), was diagnosed with ODD as a youngster. She was angry, argumentative, and couldn’t stand to hear the word “no.” But she mostly reserved her disagreeable behavior for the home and was a perfect student in school. I had more battles with her than I care to remember! We later found out that she had anxiety and that often contributed to her out of sorts behavior. She never got into drugs or in any kind of trouble and in fact, graduated as valedictorian of her high school.

She will probably always be argumentative. She would make a great lawyer, and in fact has considered law as a career and may return to school later. Good for her—it suits her personality. But as she has grown into a responsible adult, she is kind, has a good job and is loving towards her family, who she acted like she hated when she was younger. Some of the behaviors that are so disagreeable in an immature child turn into leadership skills in an adult with the onset of some maturity.

Teens go through stages. The young brain is still developing and sometimes, with the onset of maturity, they can do a complete turn-around. I don’t mean to give false hope here, but just want you to know that what affects them as a child doesn’t always have to affect them as an adult. There have been other posts on this board recently that indicate the same premise. Read about when the ”good” child goes bad.

I would recommend family counseling, strong boundaries, and always consequences for inappropriate behavior. You will have many battles, I’m sure. And I hope that as she matures, those negative behaviors will recede. They may not, but by creating strong boundaries early on, you have begun to prepare yourself in the event that her oppositional behavior continues or gets worse as an adult. I hope drugs are not involved—that brings a whole other level of problems because drugs alter the brain’s chemistry and change the personality. And of course, they’re addictive.

Please continue to post here and seek advice from the many wise parents on this board. It would be helpful to know a little more about your situation too. There are lots of moms and dads here who have been through similar experiences and can lend support. We’ve been there and we care.

As an adult who was diagnosed with ODD and other issues when young, I would just like to say that I think this is incredible and highly pragmatic advice. Not all cases improve, but depending on the situation with proper parenting, proper treatment and avoiding drugs/alcohol, positive outcomes can be achievable. Situations are highly variable, but I certainly agree that there are phases in growth and people can mature and grow. As an adult, I have a stable career, stable relationship and quality life. In my case, I do need to remain medicated. But indeed there can be hope.

 

[Nandina]

Thank you for your kind words, mindinggaps.

What is somewhat funny is I thought she was my difficult child, until we adopted the boy (at age 3 yr, 9 mo) who brought me here and made my first child look almost easy. But he had so many other issues to deal with— drugs/alcohol in utero, delays and learning disabilities, adhd/odd, and bad behavior in school as well as in the home. Whew!

He got kicked out of daycares and after school programs and eventually I stopped working (it was only part-time while he was in school) because he just couldn’t function well in any group setting and I didn’t trust him with a babysitter because he could be so manipulative.

As a senior in high school he started dabbling with drugs, first just cannibus but eventually meth, and by age 21 had been homeless, arrested multiple times, spent 6 months in jail for a (non-violent) crime and is now a convicted felon. As a child and teen, he had the advantage of every form of therapy, traditional and alternative, counseling, a great special education program and many other advantages. But the draw of peer pressure was just too strong for him once he hit high school. He has also been diagnosed with Aspberger’s which has been a real challenge because he so much wanted to belong and be popular. Unfortunately, his behaviors would often have the opposite effect.

If I may ask, did you ever get involved with illegal drugs? And do you take the Prozac for depression, anxiety? Like somebody else had posted here, I thought Prozac was just for depression. My daughter was actually on it for a few years but it didn’t seem to help. Later, during high school, she was diagnosed with anxiety and put on an anti-anxiety medication although I don’t remember which one, and it helped. She no longer takes any medication, but I believe she still has anxiety.

I commend you for having the presence of mind to know that you need medication to maintain stability and quality of life. So many people, once they reach adulthood, don’t feel they need medications and refuse to take them. Like my son did at age 18. Sometimes I feel if he had stayed on his adhd medication, maybe he wouldn’t have committed a crime of vandalism that was totally impulsive and out of character even for him.

Thank you for offering your perspective here. It’s encouraging to those folks still in the trenches. All best wishes to you.

 

[mindinggaps]

@Nandina Thanks for the interesting and thoughtful post. You are clearly a loving and caring parent who has done everything you can to help both of your children. I think it goes to show that for some situations, such as your daugther, things can be improved and have positive outcomes; in other cases, no matter how hard you try, there are struggles that can carry on which are outside of your control. No matter the situation, the individual has to take some control of their circumstances - they have to accept treatment, stay on medication when needed, use the resources available to them and as your post highlights resist peer pressures and drugs.

My situation more closely mirrors that of your daughter. I was an absolute menace as a youngster and was very angry, aggressive, argumentative and wholly problematic. However, I did perform well in school and never got involved in any drugs. With proper medication and therapy I developed over the years and managed stayed on an overall positive life trajectory.

When I was young I was formally diagnosed with ODD and anxiety and was put on Prozac primarily to manage aggression, anger and poor behavior. I've written about my experience with medication in a bit more detail, so please feel free to have a look and ask any follow-ups, but Prozac is a more common tool than most are aware of for such issues. In my case, I was seen by a specialist who deemed medication necessary for me to coexist with peers and at the time Prozac had just come onto the market. It was trialed on me to see if it could curb my aggression and oppositional behavior and proved to be extremely effective. I was part of a few case studies and clinical trials which evaluated the use of Prozac for treatment of such issues in young children.

Today, I remain on the medication for a number of reasons. Without it I do have symptoms of anxiety but also aggression, anger and oppositional nature. It really helps keep things balanced. I've tried to come off, but things degraded rapidly. Fortunately, I was able to recognize this and was able to follow the advice of doctors who encouraged me to get back on proper medication.

It is true that many people who enter adulthood and are very eager to stop their medications. Sometimes this goes well and the outcome is excellent. However, it can also lead to huge problems and I know that if I didn't get back on the Prozac things could have gone in a bad direction. I think that many people feel shame or embarrassment for needing medication so they want to stop. I am not sure. It takes a certain level of both awareness and acceptance to reach the conclusion that you need medication and that is okay.

 

[good vibes]

Hello,

I have a son with severe ADHD. He has previously had addictions but is currently ok. He has recently split from a long term relationship. His life is in turmoil. He currently is sleeping in our shed. (His choice....he could come into the house if he wanted). However, he looks after his 2 children on a daily basis and manages to keep working. His ex-partner is of course being as difficult as possible. She's angry. There's lots of advice on this forum based on 'tough love', what are your thoughts? He is difficult to be around as his anxiety is heightened at the moment. He is medicated and under the care of psychiatrist. He is forgetful in the extreme, leaving appliances on etc. I worry about his job as he seems to spend less and less time doing it.

Hi Susie - You mention 'tough love'. Are you considering asking him to leave the shed? It sounds like he's trying his best to make things work. The same rules apply as when he was young - you should punish the boy, but not his disease. As his mother, you are likely the best judge of that delineation.