I am frustrated-vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jannie, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Dear Friends,

    I am so frustrated, angry and sad that we all have to go through our lives raising our challenging children. I want you to know that I understand your daily pain and suffering. You all are incredible parents for caring so much about your children. I don't know why g-d gave us these gifts....It doesn't seem fair that I (we)have to endure day after day, week after week, month after month. Sure there are days when things are good...but you know what the bad is terrible. Why do these kids push the limits all the time...you give an inch and they take a mile !! Why don't consequences work? Why can my kids hold it together at school and come home and act like total [email protected]%$%. Why can't my boys just get along without fighting all evening? Why can't difficult child 1 just enjoy the afternoon snow and not get into arguments with the neigborhood kids? Why can't difficult child 2 just do his homework---when it will only take him 20 minutes to complete? Why does he chose to stay in his room all night long rather than do his homework?

    Why do I have to endure this? This is not fun !! This is not fair !! It's such a joke....if people at work or my neighbors only knew what my life was really like--

    Thanks for listening !!!
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Vent away! It isn't fun, it isn't fair! Like you said there are good days but the bad days-ouch!

    I'm sorry that your difficult children are struggling right now-don't you wish we had magic wands that really could work?

    Are you doing some nice things for you? Are you able to get any breaks?

    Gentle hugs and I hope tomorrow is a much better day. :flower:
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Venting is good, so good. I've used up most of my friends on it.....lol.....now i have a therapist i have to pay to vent it seems.

    Life just :censored2: sometimes i know it does, yet someone once said to me if you never feel pain and sadness you wont know what happiness is, if you never get hurt you'll never know what having love is like.

    At least we're feeling, feeling it all the good and the bad. I don't think it 's so much the challenges we face i think it's the way we turn our lemons into lemonade that matters.

    i hope your day is better tomorrow, i need a better one too. i've sat here crying ( that's my free venting to me) lol for about 30 minutes. maybe we will all have one afterall it's friday tmrw. right?? :smile:
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    jannie, it is without a doubt an awful life looking at it day to day. I used to say difficult child brought me to my knees and humbled me. I could see no end to the intensity of living with him. I couldn't fix it.
    I feel your anger and frustration. I wondered how the fates could put this on an innocent child. It's then left to the parents to endure,support,educate and love our difficult child. It made me angry.
    I would,go to bed, get some rest and then start over again tomorrow, hoping that it will be better.

    Have a glass of wine, a warm bubble bath and recharge yourself.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    {{{Hugs}}}, Jannie. You are right, it isn't fair. Unfortunately, that doesn't change anything. Sigh. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Super hugs. There are days when I can't take it anymore and I have just one! vent away. That's why we are here.

    We get it.
  7. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Thanks-I do rest, I do get out, I do love my children with all my heart. I do wake up refreshed each day...it's just not fun...

    Throughout my life I have always worked hard, and have been able to be successful at so many of life's challenges...but it seems no matter how hard I work, not matter how much therapy we attend, not matter how many different books I read, it's still not going to fix it all.

    In reality...difficult child 2 has come so far...and I know that it is due to my dedication and perseverance..and of course..medications too !!!
  8. Lostparent

    Lostparent New Member

    It will get better!When we decided to give life to our kids we didn't put conditions on the things we would do to raise them as good people.Our goal as parents was to raise a contributing member os society,not a rocket scientist or a spycologist just a citizen.No matter how frustrating it is,that is your only goal and every thing else is wonderful.Take a moment to relize your acheivments given the conditions.Wake uo each day determend to make it better than the day before.
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending hugs...

  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Like Fran, I've been humbled by the tweedles - brought to my knees so many times. The only thing I can add here is to find some humor each day - something to make you laugh so you don't totally lose it.

    Our kids have never been for the faint of heart - I don't believe that God choose me to parent the tweedles for any special reason. It's more of a :censored2: shoot, in my humble opinion.

    And I believe that it becomes a way of life, not unlike being paraplegic or diabetic; rich or poor. It's an excess of emotion that can be draining & discouraging.

    That excess of emotion, for me, really helps me appreciate each baby step I see in my children. And to celebrate that step, at the very least in my heart.

    Not fair, exhausting, & down right a PITA. I believe I've grown to be a better person because of my children. I can think of better ways to go about that - again, it's just that :censored2: shoot.
  11. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Take solace in the fact that we become very strong human beings from our experience with our kids. I'm sure there has to be some reason why we all got "gifts" (what it is I don't know!) but you have found a place where venting is encouraged! Bubble bath and wine sound great! Count me in!!!!!
  12. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member

    Most days I accept my life, on a good day I even feel good about my input...but the bad days I just look down the road and think of leaving. I can't tell you how many times I've driven around longer then errands required cuz I just couldn't go back to it yet. It is hard and your right most parents don't have a clue. When my difficult child first started Lamictal I had 1 day were all my kids played outside together for 1 1/2 hours without fighting, I hold on to that time tightly...we deserve more of those days.
  13. NSWID

    NSWID New Member

    I JUST WANT TO CRY SOMETIMES, I FEEL ITS ALL ON ME, MY HUSBAND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND. PROBLEMS AT SCHOOL WITH difficult child THEY CALL ME. DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS, I TAKE THEM, AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES FOR easy child, I DRIVE. AT HOME IT SEEMS THAT THE KIDS JUST KNOW mom, MOM mom. I take care of my mother and all her personal things. I'm the bookeeper in the family, I'm my husbands secretary since he became involved in a club. The list is endless. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm even here, what would everyone do without me? In 2000 my sibling was in a serious accident and I had to care for him for 1 year. He almost lost his life. In 2001 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. Had a masectomy and chemotherapy. In 2003 had another scare but turned out okay. In 2006 my stepfather had a hear attach became paralized my mom took care of him for almost a year before he died, tht same year again my sibling had another near death accident again I took him in and cared for him. All this going on and with a difficult child, teenager, all I can say is that sometimes I think I can no longer deal with it. I cry and think to my self; if not me who will keep it together? My husband I think sometimes tunes out. He is very old fashioned and very strict.

    Thanks for listening.
    always smiling
  14. Lostparent

    Lostparent New Member

    It seems that you have carried a rather large burden on your shoulders.My life get pretty crazy too.My younger sister lives in one of my houses and hardly pays a dime.We always pay her utilities and so on.My mom and dad are always broke and looking for some money(by way of guilt or sympathy).I just try to keep positive and remember that only I can make it better.Try to refocus and stay positive.I refuse to let anyone else dictate my life.I used to let them walk all over me but not anymore.We are the strongest and it stay negative forever.

    I'm sorry to here about your health and your families.I hope everyone gets well and stays that way.

    Attitude is everything so choose a great one!
  15. Bugsy

    Bugsy New Member

    Oh Jannie,

    Of course I send hugs but just as important I want to send validation. You are right, girl friend. It stinks, it is unfair, WHY WHY WHY, Outsiders could not possibly understand, and you deserve to vent, scream, cry, laugh at things others would not laugh at and...
    YOU DESERVE TO EAT PIE and never gain an ounce.

    I hope this gives you a chuckle.
    My son has been nauseous for almost 2 months getting worse and worse. NOBODY as been fully addressing it. Is it the medications or not??? The pain in his stomach has gotten so bad that he cries multiple times a day, is in the fetal position for hours, tries to force himself to go to sleep etc. I called the psychiatrist 5 times yesterday and took him to the Emergency Room this morning. For almost 2 months the discomfort as been attributed to medications which resulted in many medication changes and of course he is totally unstable and I am now home schooling him.
    WELL...The ER x-rays show that even though he has pooped he is SOOO backed up with stool that his entire colon has stool packed in with very few air pockets. Simple solution for so much pain, YEAH!!

    SO here is the chuckle: My first response to the ER dr. who doesn't know me at all or know a lot about 6 year olds with BiPolar (BP) was, "So not only can he be a pain in the a** but he is full of cr*p too." My son did not here me say it. I cracked my father and myself up, hugged my son and the doctor looked at me a bit odd, almost like how rude. Let him live our lives and then look at me that way.
  16. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Ah Hon, we have all felt like that.....on any given day. difficult children are extremely difficult and I still don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe there isn't one. I suppose we've all cried our share of tears and traveled alot around the block hating to go home.

    I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry all of us hurt.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you, Jannie.
    We're pretty much all in the same boat.
    I don't believe in Manifest Destiny. So, since I am now in the middle of this all, I have to make up some kind of philosophical reason for it ... I can only say that as long as I'm here on this planet, I will do my best to leave it in as good as if not better condition than when I came into it. I was a typically arrogant, ignorant person when it came to parenting anyone other than a perfect child, judged strangers in the Kmart with-o ever knowing any background info, and thought I knew it all. Boy, was I clueless when it came to my difficult child. He truly has taken me down a few notches.
    But he's made me a stronger person, and wiser, too. I am thankful for that. (But I'm not about to tell him --he's only 11 and still a hellion!) :smile:

  18. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    One of the best things I have to consider in the daily job of raising my difficult child is that I have LEARNED tons of things I never knew. There is soooo much to learn to keep ahead of our little darlings, isn't there? I also used to think, just give that little child a swat and they'll behave better. Suuuuuuure. Now I know better!
  19. NSWID

    NSWID New Member