I am home...thank heavens!

[gcvmom]

Wow, I'm sorry there was so much pointless drama during your visit. I can't blame you one bit for getting out of there early. I'd probably do the same. Stupid, shallow inlaws are one reason I just don't bother with most of husband's side of the family anymore. It's just too much effort and so not worth the results. Took me 20 years to figure it out

I'm glad that there's at least one grandchild in your life who brings you some sunshine and happiness. Seems like that is one relationship you'll be enjoying for a long, long time.

 

[Kathy813]

I am going to agree with Fran on the food issue. A two-year-old doesn't understand Thanksgiving traditions and most of them are picky eaters. Add to that the fact that she will be away from home and out of her comfort zone, I just wouldn't make a big issue out of it. I would have some hot dogs in the fridge and if the parents ask, tell them that they can fix one for Hailie.

I also wouldn't worry about how it affects Keyana. After all, she is a year older and used to eating at your house. She probably won't even notice what Hailie eats but even if she does, I would just let her have some, too. This just isn't something I would worry about.

We actually faced the same dilemma from the other side. We would go to husband's mama's house in south Georgia for Thanksgiving and my kids would suddenly be faced with things like collard greens. Being city kids and having a transplanted Yankee for a mother, these were not things that they had ever eaten. I wasn't about to try to convince my two-year-old to try collard greens in front of a lot of people. I would just bring a bag of things that they liked and no one cared. His relatives were just happy to see us and they were glad that we were there. As they got older, they learned to just eat the things that they liked and politely say no thank you to the things that they didn't like.

As far as her rudeness to you . . . I think I would have pointed out that I didn't have anything to eat or helped myself to a sandwich. What could she say to Jamie . . . your mama had the audacity to expect to eat at our house?



I'm sorry that you had a disappointing visit.

ETA: My beautiful difficult child has a cleft in her chin that she got from my dad. I love it because I feel like I still have a little part of him with us.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

I fully realize I am being a bit over the top on the chicken nuggets. If momma wasnt such a horses behind I wouldnt even think a thing of it. If Billie had just said in a nice way..."would you mind having some nuggets in case Hailie wont eat anything else" then it wouldnt have even crossed my mind that it was being something irritating but no...she said it as a complete demand. "YOU WILL have nuggets for Hailie." Oh really? I dont do threats well or orders.

See...I have this little disorder that manifests itself in something akin to oppositional defiant disorder! Dont push me! I can get downright stubborn.

I dont even know why I am being the one to host turkey day! I guess because they are going to her family for Xmas. Glad they decided to let us in on that one. I guess we will just run Keyana up to see her great grandpa for a weekend. She hasnt been there in a year now. He will enjoy that. He said that it is hard to have Hailie cause she is so difficult...sigh.

See...that is something that gets to me. My kids were hard kids. They had disorders but they were never mean or ill mannered. In fact, I was always complemented on the fact that for kids with problems how well mannered the boys were. I once joked with Cory's case manager that yeah...he was so well mannered that he would say "please and thank you and no sir and yes sir" as he robbed someone. LOL. Actually, I was almost right...he actually says sir and ma'am to the cops when they arrest him...lol.

I will probably get over this. I just wont go up there for awhile. I dont like it. I really dont do well going away from my home anyway. I may just have to make excuses that I dont feel well or something and leave it at that. I am getting older and have health issues that no one really seems to acknowledge. Since having a baby seems to be a reason for major accomodations by everyone, then I think I should be housebound...lol.

 

[house of cards]

Janet, congrats on a new grandbaby!! Sorry your daughter in law is what she is. I agree with you that time and distance are probably your best choices. Her loss.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ooooh, poor Hailie. I agree, red flags.
Nothing you can do but get out. Sigh.
Funny about the cleft chin. Back in Rock Hudson days, it was a bonus.
Be good to yourself.

 

[donna723]

My sister in law has a cleft chin and my daughter desperately wanted their baby to inherit it - and he did! When he was tiny you could just barely feel it but now there are two distinct little 'bumps' there where it will be.

 

[DammitJanet]

Donna...I think I can see and feel it because I have it. It is just a tiny shadow and little bumps. You can barely feel it but the little nobs are there. You can feel it when you rub your fingers across his chin. The bone isnt nobby but its the cartilage. I think it is more perceptible to me because I have been feeling mine my whole life...lol. I think they are cute...like dimples.

 

[donna723]

You couldn't exactly 'see' Ethans either right after he was born, unless you got at exactly the right angle. But you could feel it if you ran your fingertip across his chin. He's five months old now and you can definately see it now. I think it's cute too.

 

[totoro]

Obviously she wasn't raised well... you can't expect her to change her spots at this age, plus it doesn't seem like she wants to.
It is sad though it seems like she is raising Hailey the way, sees nothing wrong with it.
Maybe Hailey has issues or maybe it is all Mommas fault, who knows. But I agree, Hailey is too young to know the difference yet.

If they do come over on Thanksgiving, I would make sure and let Keyana know that if any bad behaviour occurs by Hailey that it is not OK for Keyana and she is a good girl and that some kids are just not as good as her...

We have had some relative encounters that were less than stellar, the parents just sat around while the kids destroyed things, screamed, jumped all over etc...
My kids are not like that at all. I would take them aside every once in awhile and let them know how good they were and how proud of them I was.

I would also let the food thing go, it is Mommas fault not Hailey's.

I am glad you are a Grandma again, but so sorry about the Parents!
You could always have a full meal for every one else and then have only cheese balls for Ms. Billie!!! Have a name tag on her seat with only those on her plate! LOL

 

[donna723]

Janet, there's an idea! Maybe you could get a big bunch of cheese balls and some marshmallow cream or something to stick them together with and you could use them to sculpt Ms. Billie her very own festive little bright orange turkey-shaped 'thing' for Thanksgiving dinner! She should love it since she obviously values cheese balls so highly! And it's a lot more than she offered you!

Of course, she is making the assumption that you will provide food for her when she comes to your house! Maybe you could get fancy and use little place cards at your table - just make sure you're one plate and one place card short! If she asks about it, point her towards the nearest McDonalds! And while she's there, she can pick up the McNuggets for her own kid if she insists on her having them!

 

[Star*]

Ya know girl...this has nothing to do with cheese balls or chicken fried anything. It has EVERYTHING to do with R.E.S.P.E.C.T. or lack thereof.

My thoughts are this - I am sure that when I was pregnant or post pregnant with Dude it was stressful beyond stressful. I had severe post-partum depression, didn't sleep for nearly 72 hours and saw bugs coming out of the wall, got slapped by my Mother literally for being hysterical about the bugs, and finally went to sleep for a day and 1/2.

I'm not sure if anyone ate anything. I know they fed Dude whatever at that time- but couldn't tell you what. x was no where to be found for nearly 2 weeks. x mother in law and my Mom took turns watching Dude. It was nuts. So as far as lil miss witch? I'm not sticking up for her - but it could be hormonal induced rudeness in this particular instance coupled with lack of money and tons of stress from not having a clue how to parent a difficult child female. Sounds like Hailey is a handfull and a half. Obsessed with genetalia huh? Not like someone else in her family is she? (do not give me that look Janet) -

Was the girl rude? Hell yeah. Is she a witch? You betcha. Was the remark about the cleft chin beyond stupid? (okay thats a no brainer) but seriously? Is there anything at this point that she says sensible? ..mmmmm(looks around) nnnnnope. (emphasis on the p-make the pop sound) Can't fix stupid. Why dont' you just tell marble brains if she gets a plunger and sticks it on his chin and pulls it will come out just like at pop a dent? DUH....OMG is she for real?? And if Hailey's gfgness is genetic? It's genetic. Whatcha gonna do? Nuttin honey. Just stay in NC....(kinda answers the question about movin' ta VA don't it?) yeah - boi. er....girl. (thank you God - I'd never get to see her if she moved THERE...grrr)

Soooo as far as THanksgiving goes...Come friggin here. I think---I'm going to cater the entire event. I'll even have a kids table. At the adult table You can choose between a #1 Big mac, #2 Quarter Pounder with Cheese...#3 Fish Filet...(oh behave) and at the kids table it's just chicken nuggets and fries....they never want a burger anyway.

For dessert - it's cookies and sundaes....

Takes ALL the work out of staying up the night before.....And Halie and her witchie mommie would be so happy. I think just for kicks I'm going to boil some new crop peanuts and have a turkey in the pnut oil... - We'll have that with all the fixins!

Or you can come with me to the homeless shelter and sling hash -

Either way - everyone will be happy! Then you and I will go see a movie....or something...play cards.....theres a lake here ya know. You can get a day pass.

I'd no more let her ruin the birth of my grandson that I would eat a moon pie off a locker room floor. She's just moody and miserable---and she's there and you are HOME and you have grands that love you and friends that love you and a Tony that loves you ---and she can just get glad in the same pants she got all mad and pregnant in. Her loss - you're an awesome mother in law....So THERE.

Neyah.

Tossing McFrigginNuggets at ya baby!

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL Star...I think I will come to turkey day with you.

I wish I could just say all this stuff is pregnancy stuff with her but its not. She has been this way for as long as I have known her. First xmas here...she hated what Jamie bought her and threw a hissy fit and screamed at him and wanted to leave right that very minute. It was so embarrassing to everyone but especially to him. She has acted like that every time we have been within 12 feet of her.

She was the same way with her mom too. I was sitting on her couch one day when the mail came and evidently her mom was on her cellphone plan with her and she just jumped all over her mom about how the cell phone bill was due in 2 days and she better have the money by 5 pm the next day...blah blah blah. I couldnt believe how she spoke to her mom. Like she was the adult and her mom was the child. OMG no way. I told Jamie that if he ever did that he wouldnt see me again. Especially in front of someone. Heck...I had just met her mom one time before that. Not nice at all.

This girl give new meaning to white trash.

 

[Star*]

Know what? I think I'd go to the bread store.....and find a case of cheese balls - Gimme her address. lol. oooh...ohhhh and a box of Orbit. Filthy mouth? Clean it up.

 

[tiredmommy]

Maybe a little posse of WM's should show up to help poor 'lil Billie during this challenging time.

 

[Shari]

I wish I could just say all this stuff is pregnancy stuff with her but its not. She has been this way for as long as I have known her. First xmas here...she hated what Jamie bought her and threw a hissy fit and screamed at him and wanted to leave right that very minute. It was so embarrassing to everyone but especially to him. She has acted like that every time we have been within 12 feet of her.

She was the same way with her mom too. I was sitting on her couch one day when the mail came and evidently her mom was on her cellphone plan with her and she just jumped all over her mom about how the cell phone bill was due in 2 days and she better have the money by 5 pm the next day...blah blah blah. I couldnt believe how she spoke to her mom. Like she was the adult and her mom was the child. OMG no way. I told Jamie that if he ever did that he wouldnt see me again. Especially in front of someone. Heck...I had just met her mom one time before that. Not nice at all.

This girl give new meaning to white trash.

This is exactly how husband's ex is...and I am SOOOOO sorry. Run. Far, far away.

 

[susiestar]

First of all, WOW! She acted like THAT and Jamie still married her??

I would have dropped any guy who treated me like that in front of my family (or away from them for that matter) like they were a plague carrying rat!

Why does Jamie want to be treated like that? I am mind-boggled.

I can see some leeway given for the pregnancy hormones. But this is FAR beyond even that level of crazy. I doubt that there was anything you could have done that would have been okay.

Does Jamie know that Hailie is showing red flags such as hypersexuality?? That Hailie's behavior is NOT normal, not even for a child of her age?

Jamie may be laboring under the misconception that all little girls are like this. I would bet that Billie has told him he just doesn't understand little girls so he should leave the parenting to her.

Hopefully, for Hailie's sake, Jamie wises up soon and insists that she be evaluated.

 

[DammitJanet]

Sigh...I really wish I hadnt even met tony so we hadnt even had kids. This is a monstrosity of a mess now. Tony and I arent even talking to each other.

 

[jbrain]

Why aren't you and Tony talking? Also, what in the world did Jamie see in her to marry her?! She sounds awful!
Hugs,
Jane

 

[DammitJanet]

Tony thinks its funny that I even got my feelings hurt and that I shouldnt even let any of this matter to me. Just deal with the fact that Billie is stupid, we all know it, dont let her get to me, blah blah blah. Well I cant do that. I have feelings. He isnt the one who got his feelings trampled on because they named the baby after HIS father. Jamie is named after HIS father and HIM. So he really doesnt know how I feel. And yes, I am probably blowing this out of proportion but...its my right to have my feelings and he could at least hear me out and not laugh at me. Its a long time between now and thanksgiving when I next have to deal with them. The more he tells me I dont have a right to my feelings, the more I get angry and have bad feelings. This is going to spiral into something we cant get out of BECAUSE I am borderline.

 

[jbrain]

Aw, Janet, I'm sorry Tony is not allowing you to have your feelings, that really stinks. No wonder you are angry. I hope he gets a clue and soon!
Hugs,
Jane