Terry, you're doing what I would do.
A strong suggestion - use your gut, but I would hold off mentioning this site to them for a while because it will "out" you if you do so. Sometimes it can turn nasty. I have been very reluctant to share you guys with people who know our family personally, for fear of innocent gossip "outing" me to any of my stalkers.
I know that seems selfish, but it's self-preservation born of past unfortunate experience. I know you guys could backtrack me from here - I don't care about that. I just don't want people who know my real ID to track me TO here. I know some of them would happily print everything I'm writing and show it to people who resent my activism.
I agree, Asperger's needs to be considered. I would be concerned about a BiPolar (BP) diagnosis made at age 4. I'm getting the vibe that a lot of doctors make that diagnosis because the child is obviously depressed when they see him, but at other times the parents report the child is happy. This is normal, folks! Except that a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid who feels different, confused, often ostracised and upset thet the world isn't doing what HE wants it to, is going to also at times feeel very unhappy about this and yes, be very depressed.
There are many kinds of depression, but two main types - endogenous (depression from inside you, no outside cause you can connect it to) and reactive depression, where you're depressed because the dog died, or your favourite toy got broken. There can be an element of endogenous depression with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), but mostly any depression is clearly reactive. Too many doctors either ignore this, or can't distinguish between them and happily leap onto a handy label that fits the moment.
oooh, it makes me so mad!
I certainly would encourage keeping an open mind about ANY diagnosis handed down at the age of 4. I include myself in this - I've questioned the diagnosis of my kids, numerous times over the years.
Something else that really bugs me - the number of people who announce in hushed, horrified tones, "My child threatened to kill me!" as if this is a huge concern in every case.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling those cases where the kid clearly is having trouble with reality, with endogenous feelings of aggression and voices telling him to hurt his family. But that is VERY different to an enraged, extremely frustrated child screaming at his parents, "I wish you were dead!" or "I'm going to kill you!" Even when they scream out HoW they intend to kill you, if the kid is raging, especially if they're raging because you've just disciplined them in ways the kid feels is very unfair, it should not be seen as a genuine threat. Not automatically.
How many of us grew up with angry parents occasionally saying something like that to us? How man of us, as kids, said to our mates something like, "I'd better hide this rip in my trousers when I get home; Mum will kill me if she finds out I wore my good trousers while rock climbing."
people say things in anger and they shouldn't necessarily be seen as a dire threat. They DO deserve a mention (as indicative of the degree of rage the person felt) but to use it as part of a diagnosis, really upsets me. By that yardstick, most members of the human race would get a diagnosis of BiPolar (BP). And another thing that bugs me, is doctors with revolving door diagnoses. In other words, everyone who goes through the door comes out the roundabout with the same diagnosis. Like an assembly line, the receptionist somewhere along the line taking your money and putting it in the doctor's account. A money machine for the doctor, instead of a considered, careful diagnosis.
Some kids undoubtedly deserve their BiPolar (BP) diagnosis. However, I always recommend challenging it repeatedly. Challenge anything else also. because a diagnosis that can stand up to repeated challenges (as difficult child 3's has done) is a diagnosis that seems fairly stable (unlike the child, quite often).
Eeky, thanks for that info. No help for me, of course, but there will be a lot of people who will use that info to stop wasting their time trying to get their foot in the wrong door.
It's also useful to note that this service exists - we DO have something similar in Australia, there are a number of groups that will work for free to help various people in need. We also have a Children's Legal Service (attached to one of our universities) who will go to bat for any child with a problem with bureaucracy. I used them for easy child when she was being hassled and victimised by local transport staff. Sometimes us parents tend to only think in terms of services for health or disability. Sometimes the services are available outside this area, but still applicable within it.
Thanks for the reminder of that.
Marg
