I am Learning...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 19, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    at least, I think I am beginning to learn how to deal with our MST person, Ms Ally.

    It seems that she doesn't always mean what she says...

    A few examples:

    She is late for every appointment we set.

    She said she was going to get in touch with Idiot Caseworker right away...but still hasn't had time to call.

    She has explained that MST is a 24/7 program and that she is available any time, day or night - (but please do not call her on Fridays...because that is her day off...and weekends the office is closed...and they are not open on holidays - but other than that - 24/7.)

    Yeah, I am beginning to get the picture...

    Yesterday, Ms Ally was going to meet difficult child for the first time and we arranged to do this during a session with difficult child's therapist. (therapist is really wonderful.)

    The plan, (according to Ms Ally), was to transfer difficult child's care from therapist to Ms Ally....and that because difficult child did not have any trauma to deal with, she would not require any more counseling...and Ms Ally's behavior plan should be comprehensive enough to handle all the problems.

    Ms Ally said 4 pm - so naturally she didn't arrive until 4:30.

    But this gave me a chance to fill therapist in on Ms Ally's plan to confront difficult child during a rage and try to impose time limits. therapist agreed that that would be a very bad idea - but she did think that a goal of shortening the rages was a good one.

    When Ms Ally finally arrived...therapist filled her in on some of difficult child's history - and specifically pointed out that difficult child having a rage in her bedroom is a VAST improvement over attacking people, throwing things, running off, etc.

    Ms Ally did some fast talking and explained that she never meant for us to confront difficult child or try to talk to her during a rage.

    Then difficult child was brought in - and she had her best "meeting the new counselor" face - and difficult child proceeded to tell Ms Ally that there are no problems at home and everything is just fine. The only thing she would improve is that her parents don't give her enough rewards and priviledges.

    Ms Ally seemed to be falling for this - so therapist started to bring up this issue and that issue....and got difficult child to admit that she does act very aggressively toward her family and she does abuse on her brother and she doesn't follow household rules and she doesn't take her medication...etc

    And then difficult child began to explain, in her most calm and reasonable voice, why she does not take her medication. She explained that psychiatrist prescribed it to help her stop nail-biting and hair-pulling and eyelash plucking - but all these things are really not even problems. difficult child told us she can stop those things any time she wanted. And difficult child finds eyelashes very annoying, and pulling them all out is just FINE. In fact, it is almost a fashion statement. So really, there is no point in trying to change...

    By the end of the meeting, Ms Ally decided that maybe difficult child really does need the help of a therapist and a psychiatrist after all...and she recommended that difficult child continue to attend therapy.

    So it seems that I was so upset on Monday over a plan that's probably not going to even happen. I think therapist helped make it clear that confronting difficult child on every little thing is NOT the way to go. And Ms Ally got to see first hand that difficult child is "off" in her thinking...and might need a different solution.

    Ms Ally is supposed to come back to the house on Monday.

    So...our plan for now is to wait and see...
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sounds like a much better outcome than you expected. Also, Ms Ally can't be too bad, if she is able to backpedal to any degree (although she does sound fairly wishy-washy). At least she didn't continue to insist on doing things her way, in the face of the therapist's enlightenment.

  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yes, so true! I am relieved!

    And I am hoping the changes are not "wishy-washy"...but rather an ability to change in light of new information...
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    DF -

    Its always tough, really tough... knowing when to push and when to back off, when to trust the expert and when to trust yourself... and its 10x tougher with every new "expert"... and 10x tougher than that when the "expert" is not so experienced.

    I'm amazed at your sticking ability... frustrated beyond belief, but still pushing others' buttons to try to get help, for a situation you didn't create.

    So here's {{hugs}} and {{nods}} and a pretend coupon (can't send a real one, or at least couldn't find one to link to!) for a small box of really good chocolates.
  5. keista

    keista New Member


    WOW I wish Parenting was that kind of 24/7

    Sounds like success to me! Wonder if she'll even show on Monday. If she does, it will really be interesting to see what new ideas she's come up with.

    Keep faith in your strength.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Man, can I have Fridays off and also holidays???

    :hugs: You're an awesome Mom, if I haven't mentioned it before.