I am lost

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MamaTeach, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. MamaTeach

    MamaTeach New Member

    I'm new to all of this, so excuse me if I stumble.

    I brought my DS to his doctor today for a behavioral visit. She told me he's showing signs of ODD and suggested a pediatrict behavior specialist for a full evaluation.

    My heart breaks as I type out the words. We have no diagnosis, but he seems to fit the symptoms. I feel like I am in mourning, grieving what I thought the future held for him, for our family. Suddenly it all feels like it's slipping through my fingers. Will he never be like the other children? Will he be an outcast? Will he ever have a "normal" life? Can I protect him from all that is ahead? I just need to know that this is going to be alright. Please. Tell me we will be alright.
  2. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    I don't have much advice but it is like a grieving process, and its ok to let yourself grieve somewhat, but you have to push through it and move forward. I am terrified of what the future holds for us (especially after reading a few posts here :) ) but as my coworker says "it is what it is" and we just have to deal with it. You will learn tools to deal with it and he will too. Good luck getting started. :consoling:
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No one knows the future, but... we can tell you a "couple" of things...
    1) ODD is not a death-sentence. Its not cancer, or muscular dystrophy. Its scary, because it involves "how we think". But there are things that help. ODD people can grow up and have ordinary lives.
    2) One of the most important things with ODD is to get help early, so - you're definitely on the right track.
    3) ODD rarely occurs alone, so there's probably other factors. Don't let that scare you. The reality is, you need to know what you are dealing with, so you can find out what works, what doesn't, etc.

    Pediatric behavior specialist sounds like a good start.

    Good luck - and keep us posted!
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Personally I don't think ODD is a helpful label at all. I used to think my son "had" it - now I think he is just difficult, lol. As someone here commented, labelling your child oppositional and defiant instantly makes one feel angry with and negative about him/her... It is also not set in stone. Finding the right strategy and discipline techniques for your "different" child are vital... and really help unlock doors that previously seem closed. If you saw my son on some occasions you would think "what a model child!" - he does all I ask, puts his supper things away unasked, says "please" and "thank you", goes to bed like a dream, is sweet and funny... Other times he would seem to incarnate opposition and defiance... none of it is immutable, fixed and hopeless, whatever the doctors may say... Keep reading - and reading! And reflecting, and seeing what works with your child, what ways he can be helped to develop the parts of him that are NOT difficult and oppositional...
  5. 3kids1ODD

    3kids1ODD New Member

    I know how you are feeling. We just took DS (4) to the doctor yesterday after getting an emergency cry out from his daycare provider who is at her wits end. Pediatrician referred us for pysch and behavior evaluation which will be tomorrow.
    Its hard to accept this new diagnosis. Very hard.
    Best of luck to you.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree that ODD is not a useful diagnosis and many professionals have agreed it doesn't stand alone.

    I would have him evaluated. It's a starting point and will give you some direction. Many of our kids don't respond to "normal" parenting. I like NeuroPsychs best.

    It is normal to grieve. I have a son who is almost eighteen and for years we crossed our fingers that he would be able to be independent and just turn out to be more like "normal" kids, but he hasn't (it doesn't bother HIM, it bothers me). And I do feel sad about this a lot.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member


    it is something that as many other things in life has stages to it. You grieve first, than you are in shock, denial slips in at times, than comes action and acceptance. it's perfectly normal to be upset. I was a wreck when my difficult child was first getting all her diagnosis.

    I do agree though odd is not helpful. an evaluation sounds like an excellent idea to get to the bottom of it. Begin there....... and none of this is a death sentence by any means........

    there was this great quote written long ago..... i'll probably get it wrong yet here goes.

    raising a special needs child (any child with any diagnosis etc.) is like getting on a flight to let's say california. you have your tickets, map of the area, your plans all lined up, hotel etc. yet suddenly the plane changes directions with no forewarning..... you land in a foreign country. where you dont' understand the language the culture, the people or your surroundings. yet time goes by you learn the language, the culture etc. and you begin to see that this foreign land is just as beautiful as your originally scheduled destination. it just took time to learn all the different things.

    now for sure i messed up the country lol yet you get the idea.

    youll be ok, he'll be ok, and your family will be also. I've come to realize that with just about any diagnosis of mental illness along with all the burdensome things and challenges it presents each child seems to possess an amazing trait from it. for instance my daughter is bipolar. is it hard?? no doubt. have i cried on occassion?? yea! yet along with the bad comes this amazingly smart, creative and talented individual who has a whole lot to share with the world someday.

    hang in there!! it will be ok