I am mad,

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I realize I dont have a right to be mad but still I am mad.

    More and more Billie and Jamie are getting on my nerves. I am seeing them as less than easy child status. LOL. Maybe not anyway difficult child...well...I could probably vote for difficult child in some ways but they are grown.

    I had begged...pleaded, practically got on my knees and grovelled...for them to add the name Scott to this baby's name in some way. When Cory had his baby he was not allowed to even be in on the process of naming her at all...not even his last name. He says if he has another child and its a boy he is naming it a Jr. Ok...cant blame him there. And I would shut up to Jamie if he was naming his a Jr. but he isnt. When Jamie and Billie had Hailie, Jamie didnt have a say in naming her, Hailie has Billie's middle name (jean) and her first name sounds an awful lot like mommy's dont ya think? Even the spelling is unique.

    Well when they found out this one was going to be a boy, I asked Jamie if he would add Scott as a middle name. Jamie wanted Laylon as a first name...he has always wanted a boy named Laylon. At first, Jamie said no, he wanted it to be Laylon Anthony. I pouted. I was like...good lord Jamie dont we have enough Anthony's in the family? (Both Jamie and his dad are Anthony) Then Billie threw a fit and said the baby had to be Micheal Laylon. Ok...I said couldnt he have three names? Micheal Laylon Scott. Really....only the family would really know because on most documents you dont get that far! There is only room for one middle name. Jamie said he would talk it over with her and see if they could think about it.

    Well I talked with Billie last night. She said no...she put it off on Jamie and said if they decided to have three names it would be Anthony Laylon Micheal. Definitely no Scott!

    Why wont they even do this one thing for me? Scott is so important to me. Its not like I can have another one. And they wont have another one. I am so mad. Again...this will keep me from being close to yet another one of their kids because they do something to tick me off. Why do that? I mean...I could have died last year...her mother did die last year! Its not like I am asking to name the kid some really odd name. Its Scott. Its my middle name. Its my mothers maiden name. It means something to me. Could they not just be nice?

    And yes, I realize it is up to them and I have no right to even be upset but I am.
  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Sorry you are so upset! I did name my easy child a mouthful of a name, two middle names, to make my mother happy and easy child's father happy. To be honest Janet, although easy child's father and I decided together about her first name, I've always been disappointed that I felt pressured by family (both sides) for particular middle names. I knew it was important to them, but I had names that felt important to me. easy child's father and I agreed to two middle names, he'd pick one and I'd pick one, thus both feeling we paid tribute to someone close to us. I have zero affinity for the person easy child's dad chose to pay tribute to in my easy child's middle name, I actually honestly loathe her lol. And then I gave in to my mom's wants and although at the time I thought I accepted the decision to go ahead with her wishes over mine to make her feel good, everytime I have to write down easy child's full name on a document I feel a heart tug about the name of the person that I loved so much and wanted easy child to be named after somewhere in there. I mean, I couldn't very well make 3 middle names lol. Even funnier, easy child's names, all of them, are ALL long names. Even she laughs at her names. I'm getting over it a bit, but she's now 10 years old and I still feel that tug at my heart sometimes about the name.
    I so understand how important it is to you, I also see that they may have their own heart strings pulling for their choice of names. I just hope that your disappointment doesn't bring a distance between you and them. Life is short as we all know so well, and I know how much you love your kids and your grandbabies. :)
    Regardless of what name is on the certificate, you could always just nickname him Scott or Scottie ;) Grandma's special name for the little guy :)
    Dont' kick yourself for feeling disappointed Janet. Its human. But I know you'll love the little guy no matter what his name is ;)
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sorry it's that upsetting to you. It's one of those things you have to detach from. I figure I named my kids what I wanted, they get to name their kids what they want. Although I like the name Scott myself. : )
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand (well sorta) why Jamie is so attached to the name Laylon. It is his paternal Grandfathers name. Tony's fathers name was James Laylon. I named Jamie Anthony James after both Tony and Tony's father. I did this less than a year after I met the man and after he was paralyzed in a timber accident. He only lived about 4 more years. My boys really didnt know him.

    I find it a bit odd that Jamie is so attached to the name of a man he really doesnt remember but that is fine. It is family.

    Micheal is Billie's bio father. She wasnt raised by him because her mom and him got divorced not long after she was born. She does have contact though. So I do understand her wanting that name. I think he is William Micheal or Micheal William. TG she didnt want William...ugh..we have way to many Willaims in this family! I mean when you say Bill or Billy...about 4 people answer!

    I messed up when I named Cory. Blame it on the drugs. I thought Cory was going to be a girl. I had been told that my entire pregnancy and I never picked out a boy name. I had two girl names picked and just was going to decide based on which one spoke to me when I saw him. Well...when he came out and was male...nothing came to me! Something was on TV and I heard the name Cory and Allen just seemed to go with it so that became his name. If I had been in my right mind, Cory would have been Scott Castine which is my middle name and my maiden name. I hoovered up. Growing up my name was Janet Scott Castine. I cant get any of my kids to even consider my names...lol. Or even derivitives of my names. I guess I have bad names.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    If it makes you feel any better, both my son's have middle names from husband's side of the family. I wanted it that way. Guess I didn't want them to take after my my dad. LOL. Maybe I'm a little difficult child after all.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I have often enjoyed your posts and I consider you a caring, and intelligent person....

    but I think you are out of line on this one.


  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I would steer clear of any naming of anyone's child other than your own. Everyone has a reason for what they choose. What may seem insignificant to you may be very important to the other.

    I always wanted a boy named Grant. Did it happen...not that I know of. ;) Why? I don't know...just sounded like a regal name.

    All I know is that given a name at birth of Arvid Gertrude was NOT a good thing in the sense of family honor. Probably the one thing my dad did for me was change it at age 3 days old. Now I'm just known as silly.:tongue:

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well see Fran...Jamie's son would have the fathers side...lol...I am the fathers side! I guess we cant have both names coming from HIS side.

    See..I think SHE got to pick the girl and HE should get to pick the boy.

    I never got to pick Billy. He was just gonna be his name no matter what because he was the fifth in line. It just wasnt even a question. No debate. I wouldnt have even thought about not naming him after his father and grandfather and so on and so on. Even though we werent terribly in love and didnt stay married...I wouldnt have done that. Though I think the chain may stop here...lol. I dont think there will be a sixth.
  9. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    really, Arvid Gertrude.

    i always thought I didn't spend enough time thinking of my children's name.

    the name is less important then the rest of the things that happen.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know Im being irrational...ok...I get it. I just am upset that they couldnt have even considered for one friggen minute my input. Not one minute. The instant I said it...it was NO! Not even...well...let me think for a little while. Let me toss it around and see how we think it goes with the other names we are thinking about.

    You can say no and be nice about it. You can not be rude.

    I dont even want to go see this baby now. Every time I see him I will just think of how ticked off I am at his parents. This is why I dont ever want to live with them. The tick me off on a regular basis. And Tony keeps saying how perfect Jamie was...oh hell no! He was so irritating! I did get along better with Cory...lol.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I understand where you're coming from. But to be honest, if it weren't for mother in law, and if I were the kids ages, I wouldn't get it.

    I broke tradition in husband's family. I didn't with easy child. She has her great grandmother's name as a middle name. Didn't with Nichole, she has mother in law's name as her middle name. Would've been her first name but mother in law begged me not to do that to her. lol mother in law's name is Elise, and I happen to think it a beautiful name.

    I broke tradition with the boy. The world came to a screeching halt for a while. Lucky mother in law really likes me or we may not have spoken for a while. lol This tradition has been going on for a couple hundred years.

    Travis has his own name. He wasn't going to be a Fred (husband's name). He wasn't going to be an Oliver or Hart. His paternal grandfather's names, and husband's brothers name, he's a Jr. Nor did I use mother in law's maiden name as his middle name. sister in law did that with her son. Travis is Travis Michael. I was willing to go so far as to give him husband's middle name Sumner. Because that's the last name of the uncle husband is named for.....and that line has died out, his uncle and aunt never had children. But husband shot that down.

    I don't see why they can't do this small thing for you, all things considering. Obviously it's quite important to you. Four names is no big deal. My brothers kids all have 4 names....and they don't even go together. lmao

    But bottom line is it's their child, they get to name it. The best I can hope for is my kids so far haven't chosen a name I really hate. lol I haven't asked that they carry on the tradition. easy child wanted Brandon to be an Oliver Hart...but sister in law said NO Way. I'm glad he did as I don't like the name. lol Darrin is named after my cousin who was like a brother to me. Aubrey was named after Kayla, they share a middle name.

    But most kids don't get the "tradition" thing. Maiden names were middle names so that family connections and ties could be traced regardless of marriage. Maybe if you approached them that way?

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tried. Jamie doesnt like the name Scott because he has this "thing" about my step-brother who is named Scott. Now mind you, my step sibs didnt even become my step sibs until we were all adults. We dont even see each other that often which is one of the things Jamie is perturbed about. He thinks my father takes my step-moms kids sides over us. Sigh. I cant help that. I dont have a preference about the name Scott because of my step brother. I cant help that his name is Scott. Actually he is William Scott!...lol. He just goes by Scott. So really...Scott and I have the same middle name. Sigh. It is just a fluke. Our moms didnt get together and plan that.
  13. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Hmm, what an emotionally charged mess, my dear! :)

    The only thing I can offer (I think everything else I would have said has been covered) is this:

    Think about how Jamie would feel, if every time he looked at his son, he thought of your stepbrother, someone he doesn't like. No matter whether he's being irrational or not, he would think about it every time he heard his son's full name. That's an unfair start to the child's life. If you think that every time you'd see the child, you'd think about Jamie and get angry, then imagine Jamie in the same situation when looking at his child. Probably best to let this one go, maybe.

    Says eeky, who was named after two 1930's move stars. Hehe.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    janet, is there a chance that it was the rudeness that greeted your request that is at least as upsetting as the name? Seems lately that Jamie and Billie have not been the most polite people to have around. They announce they are coming to visit with little regard as to how it fits YOUR life and health and home, they insist on taking your BED right after you are released from the hospital, their child is excrutiatingly rude to Keyana on past visits including one visit to their house.

    Are you maybe fixating on the name because it is so hard to understand the rudeness and lack of caring behind their actions? Maybe your frustrations are coming to a head over this issue, rather than coming out when they TOLD you (not asked you) that they were coming to visit and would stay in YOUR room because of course Billie can't be upset or half to pay for a hotel room.

    I am just wondering.

    I do know how important family names are. My bro still fixated on how our name will "die out" if he doesn't have a son. Um. No. because there are several HUNDRED relative in some other states that are all cousins of ours.

    But on my mom's side my gma died when my mom was in grade school. When my aunts had kids they named them other names, partly at my Gpas request (it was a reminder of his loss and how ill she was). When my cousins had kids NONE of them would even consider Jessie (boy or girl variety). I knew from when I was little that I would have a girl and name her that.

    When I did? My mom's oldest sister called and asked if there was a reason behind the name. When I said yes, that it was her mother's name (meaning my aunt's mother), my aunt broke into tears. She had been SOO upset that none of her granddau's were named that. Jessie always has a special spot in my aunt's heart, even though they have only met a few times because they live far away.

    So while the name is important, maybe keyana will give one of HER kids the Scott name, jsut for you? And maybe you need to ahve a discussion with jamie about manners and his demands when they come visiting - like pushing Momma outta the bed isn't going to happen. Stay on what we have or stay elsewhere.

    I am terribly sorry you are so upset.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    This is a first. ;) I have to tell you that GFGmom actually let me name both the boys. Yes, that's true. Have you ever heard me say anything really "nice & nice" about GFGmom. :rofl: Mark the calendar!!

    easy child/difficult child was suppose to be a girl. GFGmom had a girl name ready. When he turned out to be (as husband predicted by the way) a boy, she said "why don't you come up with some names Mom and I'll choose the best one". Yeah team. We all love his name and the middle name was my Dad's middle name which made me happy.

    When difficult child was expected she was told that this time she had a boy. Guess what? She didn't have a name and said "why don't you come up with some names again". I gave her three first names (one I loved) and she choose the third one. I gave her one middle name and :D she agreed. It's a family name that has been used at least six times. I won't
    say what it is because I don't want Janet to be sad.

    So.......for once I don't have a gripe with GFGmom. She named her little girl and made a lovely choice. The middle name is Mine..:redface: DDD

    PS: I am sorry that the names are causing you grief, Janet. Sometimes
    it is the little things that make us go over the edge. Sending a hug.
  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I can understand being disappointed, but I guess that's not the right word here, eh? :tongue:

    So, just throwing this out there..... How much of this do you think has to do with that it seems that once again Jamie is caving to Billie? Cause we know that Billie gets her way all the time. And Billie likes to think about Billie and not much else.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD....you said it...its the little things.

    I do think I wouldnt be so upset if it wasnt the way it was said to me. And I also dont know that Jamie is upset over the name Scott because of my step-brother because he wont TELL me why he wont even consider the name! Just a flat out NO. Only considers his fathers names. Like I wasnt even in his life! Thats the way he makes me feel. Like he could pick a name from his dad's side of the family but MY side cant even be considered at all...we dont count. I mean I even said...well...what about my Dads brothers...he has 5 of them? NOPE! I can really understand not going with my Dad's name...another Bill (lol) and his middle name is Francis so I get not that, but we have Kenneth, David, Allen, Robert, and Dennis. I have an abdunce of names! He wouldnt even let me get the list of names out of my mouth!
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Even thought the doctor said I was having a boy, I knew Miss KT was a girl. And I knew her name would be Katherine, nicknamed KT. I wanted to keep family in the mix, so her middle name is my mother's name. My mother was thrilled, cried buckets, etc. Useless Boy decided we should honor his mother as well, even though she was less than supportive about our relationship, my pregnancy, the fact that we weren't married at the time...and I wish I'd told him to p!ss off. Miss KT has two middle names, my mother's name and Grandma's name, which she hates with a passion. Now that Grandma's treating Miss KT like something she stepped in, Miss KT wishes that name wasn't there.

    Even though she uses only her first middle name for school, the whole thing is on her driver's license and Social Security card. Driver's license and SS cards have to match what's on the birth certificate. I wish I hadn't been agreeable to the second name.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can understand that KTmom...but Jamie and Billie are married and Jamie would never be a useless boy.

    Oh it makes no difference. I havent liked this marriage since it happened. I dont figure I am gonna grow to like it any better with time. Its a grin and bear it situation. I simply dont enjoy being around them at all. I dont know how I am going to continue the facade for the next 20 years.
  20. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Sorry, Janet, sounds like you are frustrated in general with the boys and this was a straw that broke the camel's back.

    I was disappointed that difficult child 1's boyfriend got to name their baby if it was a boy--because he is useless and I knew he wouldn't be sticking around. I do like the name he picked though, Liam. But the middle name is Lane--from his side of the family, and the last name is also his. difficult child's dad died when she was 8--I am ticked off that they couldn't give the baby his middle name. difficult child says she wants to change Liam's last name to hers since boyfriend isn't around--hope she does. I'm mad that she was the one who went through all the pregnancy and birth and stupid boyfriend is naming the kid!

    Anyway, these kind of things sure bring out our emotions, don't they? I'm sure you will come around--you are going to want to see this baby.

    Hey, kudos to you for admitting to being upset over something you have no "right" to be upset over! This is a good place to vent even if we feel we are being unreasonable in some way:)