I am more scared than ever.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by scaredofhim, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    So we will be getting SS for the weekend later today, and last night SS texts husband and sends him a link to a real knife that is a replica of a knife in one of his violent video games and he asked husband to buy the knife for him. It's a huge, wicked looking knife! husband told me he is not going to buy it for him because of his continued truancy from school. I asked, "and that is the only reason you are not going to buy the knife? Are you not at all concerned that he wants a weapon from his fantasy world of video games? husband said well yeah very nonchalantly. My SS has several mental illness diagnoses, he's been in the psychiatric ward, he's been violent, he's threatened to kill his mother, he doesn't go to school, he doesn't take his medications, he is not in therapy and he lives in a fantasy world of violent video games. And now he has asked for a knife! Correct me if I am wrong, but I see him asking his dad to buy him that knife as a HUGE red flag. It's hard to tell what may be going on in his mind, and I feel it's possible that the lines between fantasy and reality are starting to blur for him due to the fact that he wants a real life knife from one of those video games. What possible reason could he want for owning that knife? This greatly concerns me! And I am very scared about him coming here this weekend now, because husband will tell him this evening that he cannot have the knife, and SS doesn't react well to be told no about anything, especially something that he wants. Help!
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    HI SoH,

    Maybe it is time for you to leave the house for the weekend, and every time SS comes over, until your hubby takes this seriously.

    If dad refuses to deal with his son and try to get him some help, you should keep yourself out of harm's way.

    Keep us posted.

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  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I like what appl said. Get out when hes there and tske other kids and pets with you. Every time. The kid talks about killing prople. Thats not near normal. Save others from him even if your husband stays in denial.
    I dont think SS will be safe even if he gets help. This will take a long time, if ever. Why take a chance? Residential will both help him and keep everypne safe. Abd I doubt residential allows knives there.
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    If you are staying at home tonight, please remove all sharp knives and firearms from the house. At least put them somewhere hidden. Keep your cell phone on you at all times.

    I third what Apple said. I would be staying somewhere else this week-end. Please listen to your intuition. This boy is scary.
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  5. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I have to agree with the others. I think that if you truly feel that this boy is dangerous you need to remove yourself and any other children from the situation.

    Apparently, there is some break down in communication between you and your husband and he is not going to take you seriously until you leave.
  6. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    I agree with others. He needs help fast in the hospital kind of way, residential treatment. I agree with you that he's in fantasy land, and that's not a good place to be when he is threatening and asking for knives.

    Time to go back to residential. I am sorry you are going through this. I'd also discontinue letting him play those video games. Seems he has a problem with determining the difference between reality and fantasy.

    Again, I am sorry you are going through this. :( I'd be worried and scared too.
  7. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Oh man. I feel for you, and I feel like I'm seeing my grandson's future in some ways. When we cut him off YouTube for his addiction to the gaming sites (those ones where people narrate the game play and say the most awful stuff), he was removing the search histories, covering his tracks quite well, stealing the wifi passwords when I cut him off, etc. Then he started loading keystroke capturing software the one tablet I would let him use and stole the password again. That was it. You would have thought I had cut off his left leg. He seriously sounded like those addicts that are begging their next drink or fix. And he's only nine. I can control his comings and goings now, but when he gets older, truly, I'm scared to death because he will threaten us with violence when we say no about stuff. And his father needs to pull his head out of his nether regions. That's just my personal opinion. Parenting these kids (and grandparenting them when they get to be too much for the parents) is so damn hard. And some take the road of least resistance (like dad seems to be doing) by living in denial because it's just easier. I hope you take care.
  8. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    scaredofhim, please let us know you're okay today.
  9. scaredofhim

    scaredofhim Member

    Hi everyone sorry I have not been on to update you, I came down with the flu. Anyway I am fine and SS's visit was uneventful and he never mentioned the knife at all while he was here and spent the whole weekend laying in bed on his laptop playing video games. He didn't shower or brush his teeth all weekend and wore the same clothing from the time he got here Friday evening until we took him home Sunday afternoon. Barely spoke to us. I would love to know what is going on in his mind.
  10. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that you are on the mend and that SS's visit was uneventful if slothful. I'm sorry that you had the flu. Thanks for checking in with us.

    It isn't terribly unusual for teen boys to have an interest in knives. I think that we as adults have to be responsible, though, in NOT allowing a child who says he is going to harm people to have actual weapons.
  11. Yeah, I see elements of this with my own son, so I understand what you are going through somewhat. I know the visits cause stress. I am sorry you have to deal with this, and I am sorry that he is struggling. It must be horrible for him, too. To be addicted like that. I hope you are feeling better.
  12. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Whew! Glad things were uneventful and I hope you're feeling better. The flu! Such a bummer.
  13. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    My son had a affinity for guns from about the age of 9 or 10. He was completely obsessed with them. Against my better judgment, his stepdad let him play a lot of mature first-person shooter games, and J got a long-term video game obsession because of it. All he wanted to do when he grew up was be a military sniper. One day his stepdad took him to the range to have him shoot the 12 gauge shot gun we had. It knocked J on his butt and bruised his shoulder. The power of the gun shocked the heck out of him. We assured J that we would bring him back to the range anytime he wanted, but after that J no longer had quite an obsession with guns. Today he is almost 20, and he has a 12 gauge shotgun his grandma bought him for Christmas one year and a hunting rifle his great-grandpa bought him just before he passed. J has been deer hunting twice and enjoyed it, but he no longer has the obsession he once had. In fact, he no longer has the obsession with videogames. Once he learned what guns were all about, the mystery was gone, and other things became more important.

    Do you think your SS would be interested in martial arts? It can be a bit expensive, but it teaches the kids discipline and respect. Plus, it would get him out of the house and away from videogames for a little while.

    As for not getting dressed and showering, why isn't Dad taking care of that? My husband used to be very lax on hygiene with the boys. They maybe showered once a week and rarely brushed their teeth. After SS10 got a cavity, I started making the boys brush their teeth twice a day, and every time they have a good report from the dentist, I reward them with a new book at Barnes & Noble. They have to be dressed for breakfast, which we eat at the dinner table. Last, I insisted they take a shower every evening. I broke it up in stages, so the new changes weren't too overwhelming. The boys fiercely fought every change, but now they are doing much better, and doing it all on their own with prompting.
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It sounds as if neither his mother or father are actively parenting this young man.