Steely
Active Member
So, in a 2 week whirlwind, everything in my life has come together. I feel really, really positive about.
Two weeks ago I went to Oregon to see the place Matt wanted to live, be with my Mom, and scatter my Dad's ashes.
The place Matt found was perfect, right around the corner from the college, and a bus ride to anywhere else. The public transportation is amazing in Portland. He already found classes he wants to take - which puts him in such a better position than he is here in po-dunk AZ.
My Mom and I had an intense, beautiful time of bonding. All of my anger evaporated after being with her 2 days. I realized all of my anger was misplaced, and projected onto one of the last people alive in my immediate family. Illogical, but probably normal. She and I had a lot of fun, healing, and got closer than we had been, possibly ever. I was able to let my sister's death finally go, and not try and find the "culprit" while we were scattering my dad's ashes on the same mountain that we had scattered hers.
My Dad's 2 brothers and their wives were also there, and it was nice to get to know them on a deeper more adult level. Although I might say it was equally as exhausting to "feel as if I had to entertain" them those 2 weeks. After the third day, I bowed out of most of their "activities" - which in the past would have been something I felt obligated to do.
The first day that I got to Portland, I told my mom that I wanted to look for places to stay in XYZ towns. So the next day we took a road trip to look at houses. I cannot live in Portland, as it is too rainy and depressing. Plus I wanted to create a distance from Matt so that he was not just a hop, skip and a jump from me. So we went South East.
We looked at like 4 or 5 houses, and I was feeling frustrated and confused. My Mom said, well, let's just go across this bridge and see what is there (which was in Washington). We drove into this extremely small town and accidentally stumbled upon the PERFECT house. We walked onto the 3 acre lot and could see Mt Hood from the yard. The porch wrapped around the whole house, complete with a hot tub. When I walked around the corner and saw that there was a detached guest room with a fenced in yard for when Matt came and visited with his dogs I got chills. It was just all so perfect - and we had not even seen the inside of the house yet. We called the realtor and toured the inside, which was not elegant, but yet perfect. And because we were in a super small town the rent was about the same as the houses we had looked at in the other towns. (Two miles over the bridge from this house is a good sized town, with lots of employment, and services, unlike where I live now).
After talking about it, my Mom and I decided that the second room could be hers when she visited from Portland, and then she could have a WA address that would save her on taxes. From that point forward, she was ecstatic that she would once again have a NW garden to grow all of the things she grew up with on her farm when she was a kid. She even talked about canning again, something that I have not heard her talk about in decades, but she used to do even when we moved to Texas. It made me so happy to see her happy, and I thought my Dad must have surely had a spiritual hand in all of this.
It was an amazing experience, and one, if it had been presented to me 6 months ago, I would have refused because "I need my own space". But being there, and in the moment - it was all right. She was so happy, and so was I. I mean this property is the most perfect thing, ever. She can have her space when she visits, and Matt can have his - and meanwhile the acreage is like an arboretum that looks out at Mt Hood. There are at least 25 different trees that surround the property. And Tesla, well, she will surely be in heaven
So the rest of the trip we spent trying to take care of all of the details of moving - and now I am back in AZ for 2 weeks to wrap everything else up. I am not going to lie - I am pretty stressed out. There is a lot of work, that goes into moving (duh) - especially since I have done nothing but "move" my mom to Portland for the last 4 months !!! But I also have to step back and know this is all exactly how it is supposed to be. Once I get to the other side of this - I believe life will resume back to "the normal" it has wanted to be for so long.
I will be 2 hours from my Mom and Matt - but yet - they can visit anytime. Perfect.
And now, hopefully I will be able to find a job of some sort, and finish my book, while basking on the porch looking out on the mountains
Thanks for all of your support and positive prayers.
Two weeks ago I went to Oregon to see the place Matt wanted to live, be with my Mom, and scatter my Dad's ashes.
The place Matt found was perfect, right around the corner from the college, and a bus ride to anywhere else. The public transportation is amazing in Portland. He already found classes he wants to take - which puts him in such a better position than he is here in po-dunk AZ.
My Mom and I had an intense, beautiful time of bonding. All of my anger evaporated after being with her 2 days. I realized all of my anger was misplaced, and projected onto one of the last people alive in my immediate family. Illogical, but probably normal. She and I had a lot of fun, healing, and got closer than we had been, possibly ever. I was able to let my sister's death finally go, and not try and find the "culprit" while we were scattering my dad's ashes on the same mountain that we had scattered hers.
My Dad's 2 brothers and their wives were also there, and it was nice to get to know them on a deeper more adult level. Although I might say it was equally as exhausting to "feel as if I had to entertain" them those 2 weeks. After the third day, I bowed out of most of their "activities" - which in the past would have been something I felt obligated to do.
The first day that I got to Portland, I told my mom that I wanted to look for places to stay in XYZ towns. So the next day we took a road trip to look at houses. I cannot live in Portland, as it is too rainy and depressing. Plus I wanted to create a distance from Matt so that he was not just a hop, skip and a jump from me. So we went South East.
We looked at like 4 or 5 houses, and I was feeling frustrated and confused. My Mom said, well, let's just go across this bridge and see what is there (which was in Washington). We drove into this extremely small town and accidentally stumbled upon the PERFECT house. We walked onto the 3 acre lot and could see Mt Hood from the yard. The porch wrapped around the whole house, complete with a hot tub. When I walked around the corner and saw that there was a detached guest room with a fenced in yard for when Matt came and visited with his dogs I got chills. It was just all so perfect - and we had not even seen the inside of the house yet. We called the realtor and toured the inside, which was not elegant, but yet perfect. And because we were in a super small town the rent was about the same as the houses we had looked at in the other towns. (Two miles over the bridge from this house is a good sized town, with lots of employment, and services, unlike where I live now).
After talking about it, my Mom and I decided that the second room could be hers when she visited from Portland, and then she could have a WA address that would save her on taxes. From that point forward, she was ecstatic that she would once again have a NW garden to grow all of the things she grew up with on her farm when she was a kid. She even talked about canning again, something that I have not heard her talk about in decades, but she used to do even when we moved to Texas. It made me so happy to see her happy, and I thought my Dad must have surely had a spiritual hand in all of this.
It was an amazing experience, and one, if it had been presented to me 6 months ago, I would have refused because "I need my own space". But being there, and in the moment - it was all right. She was so happy, and so was I. I mean this property is the most perfect thing, ever. She can have her space when she visits, and Matt can have his - and meanwhile the acreage is like an arboretum that looks out at Mt Hood. There are at least 25 different trees that surround the property. And Tesla, well, she will surely be in heaven
So the rest of the trip we spent trying to take care of all of the details of moving - and now I am back in AZ for 2 weeks to wrap everything else up. I am not going to lie - I am pretty stressed out. There is a lot of work, that goes into moving (duh) - especially since I have done nothing but "move" my mom to Portland for the last 4 months !!! But I also have to step back and know this is all exactly how it is supposed to be. Once I get to the other side of this - I believe life will resume back to "the normal" it has wanted to be for so long.
I will be 2 hours from my Mom and Matt - but yet - they can visit anytime. Perfect.
And now, hopefully I will be able to find a job of some sort, and finish my book, while basking on the porch looking out on the mountains
Thanks for all of your support and positive prayers.
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