I am not smarter....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KC but no sunshine band, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. than a 5th grader. At least that is what my difficult child must think. Last night I was making dinner and helping difficult child with his homework. difficult child was smelling the dinner cooking and having a hard time focusing on his homework so I decided not to press the issue. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself I've done well... I actually recognized and dodged the meltdown bullet. YAY!! :bravo:

    Next thing you know, difficult child pulls a new one that broadsided me like a plank hitting me in the side of the head. I never even saw it coming. :hammer:

    We were serving up dinner when difficult child starts crying and carrying on about how husband has wronged him. This has me very confused because I have been in the room the entire time and if anything, husband is going out of his way to be nice to difficult child. When I pressed difficult child for details, he stumbled and couldn't come up with particulars. That is when I called him on his bluff and told him this was unacceptable. My husband couldn't take the false accusations and chose to go upstairs until difficult child was done dinner. I was totally shocked at this behavior. :smile: This was a new side of difficult child I had not seen before. At any rate, difficult child ate his dinner and proceeded to ask for seconds. I denied him the seconds because husband had said he wouldn't come eat until difficult child was done. My thinking at this point was that perhaps difficult child didn't really need the seconds so much as he was trying to stall off husband from coming downstairs. husband tells me that this is the type of behavior he gets from difficult child whenever I'm not home and that it is continual. YIKES!!!
    :surprise: This has enlightened me in many ways. Despite the fact that I absolutely love my job, I now realize just how crucial it is that I find a job working straight day shifts. I spoke with my boss about all of this the other day. He doesn't want to see me go but he can't give me straight days. He has told me that I could use him as a reference. So now I have an interview this morning. I know I can do the job... most probably in my sleep. However, it may be a stepping stone for better opportunities down the road. I'm off to my interview now. Have a great day everyone.
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hmmmm.........so sorry your son is treating him this way. His this his step-dad? If so, how long have you guys been married? Maybe your son has some resentment issues brewing - or - maybe he is just being manipulative........none the less........I like the idea of you trying to be home at nights from now on.

    Good Plan :smile:
  3. WW... Yes, my husband is stepfather to difficult child. We have been together for well over 6 years. I think this was a manipulative behavior for difficult child but nonetheless, I sat difficult child down last night and read him the riot act about how things are going to change in the house. When I was done with him, he knew mom meant business. :warrior: Thank you for your words of encouragement.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    It is really really hard with these kids and step parents. I think, a lot of times, the child senses the lack of deep paternal bond the step father has, and they inherently feel rejected. The child then does everything in their power to try and get the step father to outwardly reject them. It is like they cannot stand "the feeling", so they try and bring it into a more tangible reality, and force this feeling to be reckoned with.

    In all honesty, and what most step parents have a hard time with, is loving them through this process, and telling them that they indeed are there to stay, and that no matter what, they are not going to leave them. Especially men (no offensive to any males out there), seem to have a hard time expressing their unconditional love, when a child is acting out.

    Just some food for thought. I have been there done that, and I think it is harder for our kids than we realize.