I am officially on strike

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Oct 9, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I have HAD it with the kids. We had a good couple of days where Wynter was helping me and all hell broke loose last night and again today.

    Devon has been doing nothing to help around the house except to complain. He's off yesterday and today. I told him the grass needed mowed (neighbor hasn't been able to do it) and I need to rent a carpet scrubber from Kroger and the vacuum bound up and I need him to take it apart. It rained yesterday, so of course he couldn't do the grass, but he didn't do anything else either. I gave him my debit card to get the carpet scrubber. He was late by 20 minutes getting home last night and no carpet scrubber. He didn't feel like it. He was at a friend's house. He was too tired to do the vacuum. Today, he had detention after school for being late 3 times and now he's at his girlfriend's and not answering his cell.

    When he got home last night and I was mad at him, he yelled back that he hates being here; that it's too stressful. He knows that bothers me because I have so much guilt over being sick, etc. He later admitted he just said it cause he was mad.

    Wynter has been b!tching and moaning about the dogs. They annoy her. Remember, she wanted both of them. Buster got into the litter box and there was kitty poop on the floor and I asked her to pick it up. She exploded. Screamed at Devon why couldn't he do it, he never does anything. Reminded her that Devon didn't want the new dog and that she accepted full responsibility for taking care of him, but even at that he has picked up Buster's messes. I told her that he had on several occassions and she's screaming at me, "WHEN???", like *I* have to prove it to her. OHHHHH. I don't think so, little girl. I'm the mom. I don't have to prove *anything* to you. She then goes on, no surprise, about how mean I am to her, blah, blah, blah.

    I walked away and went outside. Heard a door slam. The kitty poop is still on the floor.

    Last night she went on and on again about how bored and miserable she is, but I never take her out to do anything. Reminded her - for the umpteenth time - that she is 13 years old and it is not my responsibility to entertain her. Well, she doesn't have any friends. Because you don't do anything to meet people to make any friends. She can't, she says. Why don't I ever listen to her. I think I know her, but I don't know anything, yada, yada, yada. Puke.

    My best friend that I haven't seen in almost 6 years is coming on Saturday. I have been trying to get the house ready and keep it nice.

    I'm done. I will NOT be doing a single thing for either one of my kids. Wynter wants her hair straightened...too damn bad. She wants to get all these new clothes...too damn bad. I'd like a splurge at Bath and Body Works, I think. And once I get ahold of Devon, he's home until what I asked of him is done - at the very least. He can take our lawn mower over to his girlfriend's house and mow their lawn, but he can't do anything to help me around here.

    Nope. I've had it. Pushed too far this time.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    You know - this EXACT same brew of a storm hit my house not to long ago. IN a little different way mind you because while Dude is not here ? He can STILL be a force from a distance.....

    And then it was like (swear to you) something in my head went SNAP. I remember the exact second I thought I heard a literal snap in my head.

    What occurred to me at that moment is I can only allow him (a..LLOW) him to abuse me if I let him and I'm done. I wondered if I stopped with the little essentials of soap, shampoo, body deoderant (help me) and the little $5 here to "help" or there....and stopped feeding HIS puppy (ok that's not fair she's mine) Pootie.....and JUST FREAKING STOPPED.....would he die? No. WOuld he bit$& more? Yup- WAS THAT my problem? Nooooooooo. Did I have to listen to how I haven't helped with THIS particular crisis he created because my advice was "stupit"? yes stupit.


    SO I also went on strike - I haven't seen him since we went to court - don't care.....love him but....and that's all I keep telling myself - I love him BUT.....

    Good luck girl sounds like you are tumbling out of the tumble weeds.

    I AM SO PROUD OF YOU .......and I think the ....no I KNOW the animals would be put up for adoption.....you Wanted IT - you take care of it. end of story
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Can I just say...... :919Mad:

    OMG. She is going to be the death of me I swear. And steroids do such WONDERS for my mood. NOT!

    She came in here wanting to talk which means she wants to tell me how mean I am and ask why I hate her. I told her in no uncertain terms what our roles are. I'm the mom. You are the child. It is NOT my job to be your best friend. It is my job to parent you. I will NOT tolerate you talking to me in this fashion anymore. I have HAD it, I have hit my limit, I am at my end. I will guide her, I will help her, but I will not rehash things umpteen thousand times to end up getting nowhere. I don't have to prove anything to you. Period.

    Devon started complaining that he was stressed - has too much to do. Told him that maybe he should have started yesterday. He was aware on Tuesday what I needed from him this week. I have asked him to do NOTHING for a long time because of his hectic work, school, social life schedule. He seems to have gotten it. He's doing it and is not complaining even a little.

    Star - I will not put Buster up for adoption. This is his third home, he is so attached to us and especially Wynter. He's such a sweet little guy. He's just doing what dogs - puppies - do. Wynter is just being a brat. No other way to put it.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Please don't hit me but ... IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!! Wynter has abused you for at least the past year. It is well past time for you to take your life back. Wynter thinks she is your equal, partly because you've been willing to let her discuss things with you and partly because it is the nature of her beast. It is time for her to discover you are her mother, not her buddy. And if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

    Devon is basically a good kid, just being a typical selfish teen. Maybe he needs to understand that his priorities are (1) school and homework, (2) chores at home, (3) work, (4) socializing. Once the first 3 are accomplished, then he can hang with his friends and girl friend. If they want to help him with home chores so he can go play, fine. Otherwise, he does them first.

    Hon, I know it is hard when you're as sick as you are -- it takes a lot of energy to parent teens. On top of that, there is the guilt because you're not healthy and you know it adds to their burdens. However, that is what a family is all about. Families help each other. They sacrifice. Yes, parents sacrifice more than kids but sometimes kids have to step up to the plate and put the home and family before their own wants.

    You give so much to both of your kids. They need to help you. Period. End of conversation.

    Since Wynter thinks you're such a mean mom, maybe it is time to let her see just how mean you really can be. No more of the good stuff until she starts helping when asked (without any grousing), no more non-stop arguments, no more whining when she can't have what she wants. JUST NO MORE! (I wish I'd learned this one when mine was 13. I didn't figure it out until she was 17. I could saved myself a lot of grief had I been the mean mom she thought I was.)

    Now, this doesn't mean being cruel, vindictive or even selfish. It just means that if you ask for something, it happens. If it doesn't, you do nothing until it does happen. If there s complaining, etc., then it doesn't count as having been done and nothing happens until the next time. You ask nicely once. If you have to ask the second time, the please is gone (you're even allowed to snap at 2nd request). The third time means a loss of a privilege.

    Devon goes back to losing privileges for being late or not answering his phone. And, no, you don't care that he didn't hear it ring. You called, it shows on his phone that you called. The problem is his, not yours. Ditto for not doing what is asked. And too bad if he's tired. Tell him he can take it as a lesson on adulthood -- we all do a lot of things we are too tired to do when we're done with work, etc.

    Okay, now that I've written my novella, I want you to know I'm proud of you. Stand on those two feet of yours (with or without the 4-footed cane) and quit letting your kids step on them to get their way.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wow. I think I've actually posted that a few times. All that's necessary is to change the names. That is so classic old Nichole it isn't funny. Really. :tongue:

    Yup. I know it's hard to keep on top of things when you feel like you've been hit by a train most days, but I'm glad to see you once again taking back the reigns of power.

    Me thinks Wynter and Devon are in for a rude awakening. :D

  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Stay on strike.

    Now. Repeat after me:




    Very good.

    Now, might I suggest a little cat poo on someone's cereal tomorrow? Possibly on the toast?

  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hang tough. It isn't easy. It must be in the air. easy child the other day discovered that I meant business. Didn't do the laundry for the umteenth time. Sunday came and she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend. Nope laundry not done. But......add in argument. The boyfriend smart child that he is just said he would talk to her on Monday and got out of the car (we had gone to a birthday party for a friends 1 year old daughters party). It took her til Wenesday to fold her stuff and get me mine. I have been out of white socks for a couple days at that point. She thought I was pretty mean too.

    Deep breaths...We're behind you.

  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hope you really do go on strike, Wynter. My son is like that and I figure if he's going to be cranky when I'm nice to him and give in, and he's cranky when I'm strict and do what *I* want, I may as well do what I want and ignore the complaining. And a lot of the time, it stops. At least for a short time.
    I do like your idea of Bath and Body Works. No more new clothes for Wynter until Christmas, and then only one or two items.
    Do you like/love the animals? Any chance you would actually give them to a friend or take them to the SPCA? I don't know how much work there really is compared to the complaining, so I'm not sure if it would be worth it to find them new homes. You could sit down with-both kids and tell them you are considering it, but be prepared for them to call your bluff.
    I really like the strike idea. Go for it.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Way To Go Heather! I've done this several times when Miss KT was home. It was very effective. I made a sign that said "MOM ON STRIKE" and when either of them dared to ask me anything, I waved my sign at them.

    Sending hugs!
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I will not get rid of the pets. They are family members and I enjoy them very much. My issue is that she accepted full responsibility and is now trying to shirk it. I won't let the animals suffer because of it, but her life will be a little less pleasant, Know what I mean??

    Terry - you make a very good point. I just had a 'DUH' moment. :rofl: If she's going to complain no matter what, then why even bother to be accommodating. :slap:
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am willing to help picket in front of your house - or just outside Wynter's and Devin's bedrooms.

    "Let's be nice to Mom!"

    "Moms are people too!"

    "I love my Mom!"

    "Be nicer to Mom!"
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    Devon has some window paint. We could paint their windows, too!
  13. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yes, yes! Go for it. While they are sleeping or at school, paint messages on all the windows and mirrors. Great idea!

    You can also get poster board (the smaller ones if the larger are too big) and make signs to post on every door that they come into the house and all the doors they go through in the house.

    I would love to see faces when they wake up or come home to messages all over the house.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    It must be a precursor to the full moon coming up. Can I vent too??

    I swear it, the highs and lows have been appalling at my house too. And I am no better...I am so not getting enough sleep these days and so very cranky for it. Last night when I came home, the puppy was running crazy through the house, THREE puddles of pee in the living room and easy child is in the kitchen cooking. WT-H? I made her clean up the pee. Then I vacuumed and mopped, emptied garbage, flipped laundry and picked up, put away and threw out stuff and placed the cleaning bucket in the tub as a not so subtle hint that it needed cleaning (H cleaned it). By the time I was done, easy child was almost out the door to see her boyfriend (Casper) and the kitchen was a wreck. As I started cleaning that up, H walked in from work and started asking 8 million questions - he does this every night: Where's difficult child? Where is easy child going? What are we eating? I need something now. Why is that puppy living here? Did you do____? Did you work today? Did you call ______? I mean, it's maddening. I turned to blast him, but instead turned back around and finished what I was doing in quiet. I told him to please just go take his shower. And on easy child's way out I told her that while I appreciated her doing the cooking/baking, I expect her to clean up after herself. She responded, "I was going to do it"...yeah, but you didn't. I did. Argh.

    I feel for you Heather - and I'm glad you have finally had enough. Me too. I told my friend that I am on strike too now.