Steely
Being sick and tired of being a victim and afraid is the first step to freedom.
Suz is right. You're feeling overwhelmed because you don't have a plan. Even if you have to revise it as you go along, it's always good to start with a plan. First step is your resume. Then if it were me, I'd write up the things that are a must with the new job like insurance, safety, their policies. That way you know what questions to ask during interviews. Because you'll be interviewing them as much as their interviewing you.
And I also think a therapist is a good idea, if you don't already have one. Someone to bounce ideas off of, someone who knows your area well and can help you come up with sources and places to check, someone to cheer you on and to listen when you're needing to talk. We're always here, but having someone there in person can be invaluable.
You can do this. You're far stronger than you'll ever know. You don't deserve to live in fear of anyone. You deserve to find peace and happiness.
((((hugs))))