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I am so angry at difficult child - his son was in the hospital and he was too busy to come!!!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 8616" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>judi,</p><p> If difficult child won the Nobel Peace Prize you would feel it was because of his hard work. Not that you made him into what he was on that stage. You provided the tools, the framework and the emotional stability but you can't make someone be a success. Ambition, success and character are internally, self driven. </p><p> Why do you wear the pain of his character flaw as something you may have done? He chose to be negative,just as he can chose to be positive. </p><p> I'm not implying that he has all the same tools as a easy child but he does have choices. His vision of the world through his eyes is blurred compared how it would look through someone else's. </p><p></p><p> I decided a while back that if difficult child has success I would not take credit for it. I provide the tools and the support as every parent does, but it is his hard work and his choice to be a success. Just as I decided that if he fails it is not my fault. He had the same framework, support and opportunity to make better decisions. </p><p></p><p> I know you are disappointed in him. I would feel the same way and I would probably feel shame that he doesn't reflect the standard in your home. I have to believe that someday, somewhere he will grow up. He has been one of the most difficult difficult children I've heard about on this site in that he has never wavered, asked for guidance,blammed himself for his own stupidity or even tried to fix any of the damage he has incurred. </p><p> The mourning we go through when we realize our child doesn't seem to be outgrowing their behavior is like the death of hope but keep remembering the seeds are planted. He did not come from a dysfunctional home. This sort of stability has got to leave a mark just as growing up in dysfunctional home makes a mark on everyone in the household. </p><p></p><p>Keep hoping he will use his tools to turn his life around. It's not too late.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 8616, member: 3"] judi, If difficult child won the Nobel Peace Prize you would feel it was because of his hard work. Not that you made him into what he was on that stage. You provided the tools, the framework and the emotional stability but you can't make someone be a success. Ambition, success and character are internally, self driven. Why do you wear the pain of his character flaw as something you may have done? He chose to be negative,just as he can chose to be positive. I'm not implying that he has all the same tools as a easy child but he does have choices. His vision of the world through his eyes is blurred compared how it would look through someone else's. I decided a while back that if difficult child has success I would not take credit for it. I provide the tools and the support as every parent does, but it is his hard work and his choice to be a success. Just as I decided that if he fails it is not my fault. He had the same framework, support and opportunity to make better decisions. I know you are disappointed in him. I would feel the same way and I would probably feel shame that he doesn't reflect the standard in your home. I have to believe that someday, somewhere he will grow up. He has been one of the most difficult difficult children I've heard about on this site in that he has never wavered, asked for guidance,blammed himself for his own stupidity or even tried to fix any of the damage he has incurred. The mourning we go through when we realize our child doesn't seem to be outgrowing their behavior is like the death of hope but keep remembering the seeds are planted. He did not come from a dysfunctional home. This sort of stability has got to leave a mark just as growing up in dysfunctional home makes a mark on everyone in the household. Keep hoping he will use his tools to turn his life around. It's not too late. [/QUOTE]
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I am so angry at difficult child - his son was in the hospital and he was too busy to come!!!!!!!
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