I am so frustrated!

[Sunshine1966]

I've heard how kids will often be one way or act up more with their primary caregiver (me). My husband doesn't seem to buy this theory and just makes me feel worse about things that have been happening with our adopted son. I basically feel like my schedule is my son's schedule between getting him off to preschool, taking him to swimming lessons, speech therapy, occupational therapy and gym classes. I do all that I can but I seem to be the one who gets the brunt of all the attitude. I hate you mom, or just leave me alone mom. Sometimes its as if he is a 14 year old teenager with hormones! I try not to let it get to me, knowing that a lot of times its pure impulsivity taking over and he can't help it or doesn't understand what he's saying. But, day after day of this gets so tiring and is just wearing me out. My husband says that he feels like his son and his wife don't get along. I can't blame him for making a statement like that since a lot of time we are arguing or I'm trying to get my difficult child to cooperate with something.

Does someone feel my pain? Know where I am in all of this? At times I just want to run and escape it all but that's never an option, obviously, because I love my difficult child beyond words. I truly think he IS my difficult child and somehow through all the struggle we will both be stronger people.

Thanks for reading and listening. I'm really thankful for this site and knowing that there are others out there who go through what I am going through each and every day.

 

[SRL]

I definitely have felt your pain! When difficult child was young he was a mighty handful. I have 3 kids but it always felt like he demanded the time, energy, and attention of two kids by himself. I always felt like I had a kid who was 50% 5 year old, 25% 2 year old, and 25% 15 year old. Exhausting!

You know, I used to say that I always got the best and the worst of difficult child and everyone else only was dished up what was in between. No matter what my husband did, he never had those special moments of bonding that difficult child and I shared, but nor did he have to endure the worst of him either. He would take random pot shots at my husband (which you can imagine he loved) but the down and hard stuff was usually reserved for me.

 

[JulienSam]

I'm with you there -- every day. Although my husband does get some of the negative behavior, it's usually me who has to survive the day to day stuff with Sam, including the hitting, kicking & all the "I hate you's". There are some nights when I go to bed feeling like I've been abused -- which seems silly since difficult child is only 5.

And of course when husband comes back from a business trip both kids are so happy to see him, it's like I don't exist. And I'm the one who has to deal with the bickering, fights between them plus difficult child's meltdowns. husband, thankfully, sees this & appreciates what I go through and makes every effort to give me some relief when he gets home.

It's too bad your husband doesn't even seem to let your difficult child's diagnosis affect how he thinks about what it means in day to day situations -- esp. for you, as the primary caregiver.

Just know that others of us are going through the same thing --

((HUGS))

Julie

 

[KTMom91]

Sunshine, I know exactly what you're saying. I always felt I got the worst of Miss KT's outrageous behaviors, and since she never acted like that with anyone but me, everyone else thought I was overreacting, or was just an awful mom, or it was because her useless father and I were divorced, or some other reason that had nothing to do with anything. It is so draining, so tiring, and there's no peace and no rest, so you get up and do it again...and again...and again. Hugs to you.

 

[Sunshine1966]

Thanks for your encouragement. I do feel like I get more special moments with my difficult child simply because we have a more intense relationship with me being the primary caregiver.

My husband's question to me is why is it that the awful behaviors always happen with me and NOT with husband, difficult child's preschool teacher, his intermittent daycare provider and even at Sunday School. I don't have the answer to that question other than I am the primary caregiver and have always heard that they are the ones to get the brunt of attention whether its good or bad.

 

[Sunshine1966]

Yeah, I get all the behaviors and my husband gets cooperative for the most part. I usually have the therapists for other family members understanding where I am coming from or what I am dealing with, its just my husband that seems to think that "I" am the problem somehow.

 

[susiestar]

Personally I think we get the problems because our kids TRUST us to still love them. I know my difficult child didn't trust his dad to love him if he acted up. I got all sorts of horrendous behavior, but it was because I was there, and because he knew I would love him AND would make him stop. He trusted me to set limits, to enforce the limits, and to love him no matter what.

Not sure if I am right. He now lives with relatives, as he cannot make safe choices when living with his siblings and I.

Hugs,

Susie