I am so mad!

[JRC]

CB I was mostly kidding about the leprechauns. But I don't think you were being petty. Even if I would have just rolled my eyes at my supervisors request, I don't think you were wrong for speaking up for yourself and pointing out how the situation was totally ridiculous. Just because someone is your supervisor doesn't mean you can't have a real conversation with them.

 

[Californiablonde]

I don't think I made myself clear enough in my first post. It was not my supervisor who was complaining about my snowmen. It was a few of my coworkers who complained. They are not my superiors. I am not their subordinate. They are just run of the mill coworkers. The reason why I said the things to my supervisor that I did was because I thought she may be sympathetic. After all, she is always the one telling me, " I can't stand when people in the office have nothing better to do than to complain about people. Don't you hate that?" I still don't know if she was on my side or not. She really didn't say much of anything.

And an FYI about the Valentine's decorations: When the new principle got hired two years ago, he specifically said he didn't want ANY MORE decoration in the office. He thinks they look unprofessional. He still allowed us to put things on our desks. He just didn't want us decorating the walls, counters, and the windows.

What do you think my supervisor did when Christmas rolled around? Put up a bunch of trees and life sized snowmen all over the counters. It was overkill. She told me, "I know we're not supposed to decorate, but oh well, I'm decorating." She deliberately defied the principals orders, and he is the main boss. Nobody said anything to her, because she is blonde, big busted, pretty, and dresses in short skirts and very high heels. I guarantee you, if it was a fat, ugly person like myself, I would have been reprimanded for it and been told to take down the decorations immediately.

I hate seeing this unfair biased treatment in the office. I know you all are just telling me to do my job and ignore it. It's not that easy when I have all these mental disorders and I am stuck here 8 hours a day, five days a week. This job really is a big part of my life. I just can't stand it anymore. Sorry for the rant.

 

[GoingNorth]

I think you are objectifying both your supervisor AND yourself in terms of physical characteristics being more important than job performance and attitude.

It's not only unfair to you and your supervisor (and all other women), it's also possibly unfair to the big boss, as certainly not all men think that way.

I think your best bet is to come in, do your job, keep your head down, and go home at the end of the day. These people aren't your friends.

My experience has been that discussing this sort of thing with supervisors is always a mistake. If there's an issue with coworkers, take it to human resources. Let THEM speak to your supervisor if necessary.

I've worked in difficult environments for my entire career, and NEVER in one that was "comfy". I'm not good looking, outgoing (downright socially awkward, in fact), or any of those things. What I was, was damned good at my job and a quick learner.

That's what you have to be. Good at your job and try to learn as much as you can. I battled, and still battle mental illness. Quite profound mental illness that is managed with medications that affect my intellectual and cognitive abilities.

Quit worrying about looks and who likes whom. Be clean and neat and well-kempt. Dress modestly and for your age. That and presenting a good attitude and maturity while doing the best job you can is all you can do. Let the small sh#t roll off.

 

[Californiablonde]

I think you are objectifying both your supervisor AND yourself in terms of physical characteristics being more important than job performance and attitude.

It's not only unfair to you and your supervisor (and all other women), it's also possibly unfair to the big boss, as certainly not all men think that way.

I think your best bet is to come in, do your job, keep your head down, and go home at the end of the day. These people aren't your friends.

My experience has been that discussing this sort of thing with supervisors is always a mistake. If there's an issue with coworkers, take it to human resources. Let THEM speak to your supervisor if necessary.

I've worked in difficult environments for my entire career, and NEVER in one that was "comfy". I'm not good looking, outgoing (downright socially awkward, in fact), or any of those things. What I was, was damned good at my job and a quick learner.

That's what you have to be. Good at your job and try to learn as much as you can. I battled, and still battle mental illness. Quite profound mental illness that is managed with medications that affect my intellectual and cognitive abilities.

Quit worrying about looks and who likes whom. Be clean and neat and well-kempt. Dress modestly and for your age. That and presenting a good attitude and maturity while doing the best job you can is all you can do. Let the small sh#t roll off.[I have a VERY good attitude at work. I am super shy and quiet, but friendly to the students and the parents. I get compliments all the time. I don't know what I said to make you think I'm not doing a good job.

 

[Californiablonde]

I have a VERY good attitude at work. I am super shy and quiet, but friendly and courteous to the parents and the students. I get compliments all the time. I don't know what I said to make you think I'm not doing a good job.

 

[GoingNorth]

I didn't say you weren't doing a good job, nor did I mean to imply that. I'm sorry you took it that way. I just see you cutting your self down and comparing yourself to your supervisor based on differences in appearances.

You seem to be assuming she is getting away with things/you are being picked on because she is "prettier/sexier" than you are.

It's real hot-button for me when women seem to think that way. I'm just saying, focus on the good job you are doing and try to ignore the rest of the BS.

In the meantime, try to learn what you can to both better your chances of transferring to another school, or getting a job in a different environment entirely.

I know you've said before that you had trouble learning MS Office. I haven't used it in years as I use a freeware knockoff of it, but if my mother can figure out a smartphone in her 80's... (not without driving me nuts)...

The big issue is with the phone phobia. I think, with your personality, you'd be really good at customer service. What about working at a customer service desk? Could counseling help with the phone issues? What about taking Spanish classes?

I've thought about doing it because frankly, German isn't a going thing in my neck of the woods. And because it'd be fun to know language I could actually use.

You could also meet with a career counselor and try to figure out what you'd be happiest doing and what you need to do to get that skillset. That would probably be available at your local Job Services center.

Just some ideas...and if you go through Job Services, it's free.

 

[Californiablonde]

I am actually looking to retire in four and a half years. I don't want to start a new career. I do, however, wish to take some computer classes so I can get a different job at another school. Oh, and the reason why I know my coworker is being treated a lot nicer to me because of her looks is because several years ago, when my old boss was there, a few students complained to the female assistant principal about the way my supervisor dressed, claiming that she was being unprofessional and setting a bad example.

My supervisor got very upset and said she is being unfairly picked on because she is large chested. The female principal then told her, "I have a large chest as well, but I know how to dress appropriately. Nobody has complained about me. You need to really tone it down." My supervisor complained to me that she was being unfairly picked on. Then my male boss (another one, not the one I have now) told her, loud enough that I could hear it, "I don't mind at all if you dress sexy. As a matter of fact, I like it. As far as I'm concerned, you can wear whatever you want."

Oh, and I have had other coworkers come up to me and tell me she is being very inappropriate. Not only that, she is very mean and rude to parents. I am surprised she hasn't had any complaints. I, on the other hand, am nice to a fault. People can yell and scream at me, and I just sit there and take it with a smile. Most of the time I apologize, even though I shouldn't. Some of the parents actually apologize to me, and compliment me on having so much patience and understanding with them. I don't think I am wrong for feeling very hurt for being unfairly treated by my coworkers. I am very sensitive person, always have been since childhood. I can't help it. That's the way I am.

 

[GoingNorth]

I'm actually very sensitive as well, but have managed to build up a very thick skin over the years. One of our big differences is that I only worked in a female dominated environment for a very short time before getting into IT, which was then very male dominated (which is where I developed the thick skin) and at that time extremely sexist to the point of being vicious.

I am really not that comfortable working with women, and i have seen flashes of the sort of behavior you are dealing with, from women i have worked with, so i have a (limited) understanding.

I also have a large chest, and in my early years, had an eye-stopping figure to go along with it. Working with men meant that not only did I get comments, I got grabbed at...a LOT. And back then, in computer rooms, one wore lab coats over one's clothing.

I don't remember those days of minimizer bras and men's cut blazers and shirts all that fondly.

I learned to give back as good as I got, verbally, and on a couple of occasions, physically....

*NOTE* I do NOT recommend this as a coping method for your situation AT ALL! Just to let you know that i dealt with harrassment on the job until the mid-90's, when I went to work for a director who wouldn't put up with "boys being boys".

 

[BusynMember]

Sounds like a very gossipy office. Been there/done that. Hated it. I used to try to take my breaks alone and not get involved, but it was impossible to always not have to listen to it. Ugh. I think your quiet personality and lack of confidence makes you more of a target than your looks.

Seriously, an office is often a lot like Mean Girls (and sometimes boys). Your post brings back icky memories of this dynamic.

Thank goodness you can retire in a few years. Its amazing how adults can act like middle schoolers. I am sorry you are in that environment. Its lonely and uncomfortable.

 

[pasajes4]

We were not allowed to decorate for holidays. That would have opened the doors for all religions decorating for their holidays. Which would have opened the door for everyone decorating for every occasion no matter how minor and pretty soon the whole education system would be buried under all things non core. All décor had to address CORE nothing more nothing less. Black and white were the preferred choices for decorations.

 

[Californiablonde]

I absolutely hate working with women. Most of the women I have worked with, presently and in the past, have been mean, backstabbing, and gossipy. The men don't act like that. They mind their own business. But the women are relentless. Take my supervisor, for example. She pretends to be my best friend. Wants to know all about my kids, my family, my personal life. Tells me all these very personal things about her own life. Then out of the blue she goes and does something mean.

Remember a couple of years ago when she called me fat and disgusting? I tried so hard not to cry. I didn't want her to know she had gotten to me. I couldn't help it. I let a few tears escape down my cheeks. She saw me cry, and didn't even apologize for it. I already have bad self esteem, and that just made me feel lower than low. That is just one of many examples of how poorly she has treated me. And she is not the only one. And I am not the only one who is picked on. There are others as well. I can empathize with them. I know how damaging it can be. Like I stated before, the men don't do things like this. They mind their own business and do their jobs. My dream job would be to work with all men. I can only wish.

 

[mof]

I'm sorry your hurt in this way. I have been there in my early years, I was verbally abused by a manager.

But , humor me, I work for a church on staff, and what's funny is one of our male pastors wishes we only had female staff because they work so much h harder!!!

Sorry she's a bully, hugs

 

[BusynMember]

I worked in a sales office that was all men except for me and the pretty single secretary. The men flirted with both of us and I think the secretary dated them all at least once. It was fun for the two of us.

The men were mostly youngish and cute, but not all of them. Amongst them, they fought like stereotypical women with claws. They were, for lack of a better word, biotchy to one another. This included massive mean gossip about one another and petty jealousy.

 

[AppleCori]

Cali,

First of all, you are not fat or ugly, and you are definitely not disgusting. I don't know what your supervisor said or what she meant to say, but do not internalize that.

I know you would like to lose a few pounds, but don't let that define who you are, or bring down your self-esteem.

Every business, office, school, even homes have a certain culture or way of operating, and sometimes it is dysfunctional. Your office does seem to be dysfunctional (the whole school seems dysfunctional, from what I remember of the stories you have told). Sorry that you are in that situation, but try to stay above it.

Be professional, be positive, and don't let petty people get you down.

Anyone who would complain about a small snowman decoration on a desk in February (or any other month) has more problems than you have, so you just have to feel sorry for them.

Stay strong, Cali.

We are here for you.

Apple