Hello Everyone:
Where do I start ? I think my/my son's story is quite long, but I can't keep my thoughts together to describe the whole thing. My son is homeless, since yesterday. Maybe he was able to spend last night with friends, maybe he slept in his car - we don't know... He is 22 yo with a long history of problems and long history of therapy in his childhood. He appeared to change when he was 13 (it was when we moved from Europe to USA). We had absolutely perfect 4 years with no problems (or with no problems we could see). I married my husband when son was 13 and for the first time in his life he had a full family with parents having plenty of time to assist him with anything he needed (I was a single mom before and our life was quite hectic, but I have always thought that with help of my parents all his needs were met). He was new to this country, but learned English really fast, his academics were fantastic and for the first time in his life got involved in sports. This lasted until his junior year in high school, when he practically stopped doing any school work, but because his curriculum was so packed we thought he was taking too much on himself and could not handle it (he is not a hardworking person). Still managed to get accepted to a few colleges and we let him go to his dream school, even though it was out of state and significantly higher. Freshman year was a HUGE failure. He entered with almost 50 credits already completed through AP classes and ended with 60, failed most of attempted classes. Spent almost a year looking for a job to only end up with a retail part-time job. And right then I accidentally found his pot. We told him this needed to stop and started testing him. He was told he would need to move out if he is positive again. The next positive happened when I was out of town and my husband gave him one more chance. There was no next failed test, but cops at our door at 10 am on a Sunday with contempt summons (his car got searched after a traffic stop, pot was found, he went to court by himself without telling us, refused counsel because he thought he would have to pay). So this is when we kicked him out and even helped him move to a house rented by a bunch of his friends. He straightened up his court and ASAP obligations, picked up restricted license, and everything seemed ok until the cops came to us again, Saturday night this time, with probation violation summons. Failed drug test (supposedly it was to be forgiven if it didn't happen again, but he stopped going to treatment all together). At that point we hired a lawyer, who sent him back to treatment. I drove him every single time 3 times a week to make sure he makes it to the treatment. In court we found out he was suspended in treatment for not turning in a report from AN meetings he was supposed to go to (I did not know anything about those meetings). His lawyer managed to get another continuance since he was still not kicked out of treatment. Right after court we dragged him to his therapist, paid his debt (even though he was getting $$ every time I took him there to pay for it), the therapist said all was left to do was 8 weeks aftercare. We drove him again for 8 weeks. The store where he worked went out of business, he didn't have any income, could not find a job. He was losing his housing too and said he was going to live in the car. My husband told him to come back home. Right before his last therapy session I told him I needed a letter from the therapist saying he successfully completed, otherwise I am not going to court. For over a week he was bringing this letter... Supposedly the letter was mailed to his previous address and he kept forgetting to bring it. Finally yesterday I told him not to come back without the letter.... so he never came back.... Court is on Monday next week, I know I can't handle it, my husband said he would go (the lawyer says it looks better when parents are there, but I guess in this case it doesn't matter). I asked him before if he was addicted and he said no, now I don't know anymore. How can he not be addicted and mess up so many times knowing the consequences ? My husband says if he was addicted he would need money all the time, and he doesn't seem to care or try to get the money. I wrote more than I thought I would. I have been crying almost non stop for two days, no idea what to do....
Where do I start ? I think my/my son's story is quite long, but I can't keep my thoughts together to describe the whole thing. My son is homeless, since yesterday. Maybe he was able to spend last night with friends, maybe he slept in his car - we don't know... He is 22 yo with a long history of problems and long history of therapy in his childhood. He appeared to change when he was 13 (it was when we moved from Europe to USA). We had absolutely perfect 4 years with no problems (or with no problems we could see). I married my husband when son was 13 and for the first time in his life he had a full family with parents having plenty of time to assist him with anything he needed (I was a single mom before and our life was quite hectic, but I have always thought that with help of my parents all his needs were met). He was new to this country, but learned English really fast, his academics were fantastic and for the first time in his life got involved in sports. This lasted until his junior year in high school, when he practically stopped doing any school work, but because his curriculum was so packed we thought he was taking too much on himself and could not handle it (he is not a hardworking person). Still managed to get accepted to a few colleges and we let him go to his dream school, even though it was out of state and significantly higher. Freshman year was a HUGE failure. He entered with almost 50 credits already completed through AP classes and ended with 60, failed most of attempted classes. Spent almost a year looking for a job to only end up with a retail part-time job. And right then I accidentally found his pot. We told him this needed to stop and started testing him. He was told he would need to move out if he is positive again. The next positive happened when I was out of town and my husband gave him one more chance. There was no next failed test, but cops at our door at 10 am on a Sunday with contempt summons (his car got searched after a traffic stop, pot was found, he went to court by himself without telling us, refused counsel because he thought he would have to pay). So this is when we kicked him out and even helped him move to a house rented by a bunch of his friends. He straightened up his court and ASAP obligations, picked up restricted license, and everything seemed ok until the cops came to us again, Saturday night this time, with probation violation summons. Failed drug test (supposedly it was to be forgiven if it didn't happen again, but he stopped going to treatment all together). At that point we hired a lawyer, who sent him back to treatment. I drove him every single time 3 times a week to make sure he makes it to the treatment. In court we found out he was suspended in treatment for not turning in a report from AN meetings he was supposed to go to (I did not know anything about those meetings). His lawyer managed to get another continuance since he was still not kicked out of treatment. Right after court we dragged him to his therapist, paid his debt (even though he was getting $$ every time I took him there to pay for it), the therapist said all was left to do was 8 weeks aftercare. We drove him again for 8 weeks. The store where he worked went out of business, he didn't have any income, could not find a job. He was losing his housing too and said he was going to live in the car. My husband told him to come back home. Right before his last therapy session I told him I needed a letter from the therapist saying he successfully completed, otherwise I am not going to court. For over a week he was bringing this letter... Supposedly the letter was mailed to his previous address and he kept forgetting to bring it. Finally yesterday I told him not to come back without the letter.... so he never came back.... Court is on Monday next week, I know I can't handle it, my husband said he would go (the lawyer says it looks better when parents are there, but I guess in this case it doesn't matter). I asked him before if he was addicted and he said no, now I don't know anymore. How can he not be addicted and mess up so many times knowing the consequences ? My husband says if he was addicted he would need money all the time, and he doesn't seem to care or try to get the money. I wrote more than I thought I would. I have been crying almost non stop for two days, no idea what to do....