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Substance Abuse
I am so scared :(
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631302" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. Very, very sorry for your hurting mommy heart. We've all been there. I assume your son is 18-21?</p><p></p><p>I don't know if your son is an addict or what he is addicted to, and you don't get to know that either anymore, unless his lawyer tells you. After eighteen, they are protected from telling us what they don't want us to know. I was shocked to learn what my daughter was on after she quit and finally told me. </p><p></p><p>I'm going to work soon, but wanted to respond so you don't feel we didn't see you. The short answer is that you need desperately to get help for YOU so that you an cope with your son's choices. We all have to do that. We can't control our grown sons and daughters, what they do, whether they comply with court orders, whether they really try to stop using drugs or not or whether or not they quit, which is all their decision. </p><p></p><p>Your son may be getting money in ways you can't even imagine, just like my daughter did. He could be using the money he made at work, since you paid his rent (I don't recommend doing that, but that's just my opinion), they sell drugs to get money (my daughter says if you use, you sell...her experience), they steal from us (sometimes a bit at a time), they sell their own items or "hot" items that they manage to get...you may find that your son starts asking you for money for various reasons now that he is unemployed. My daughter also worked so she used her money for drugs, but she tells me now she also sold drugs. The fact is, I didn't know what my daughter was doing, and you don't know the full extent of what your son is doing. They will usually admit to pot, but nothing else, which is what my daughter did. And we believed her, of course, because she was our beloved daughter. Until we found a bag of white stuff hidden under her mattress. </p><p></p><p>My daughter was on parole twice, but did not follow the parole rules as far as not using drugs. She was not put in jail and I think that was mostly because she was under eighteen when she was caught. </p><p></p><p>If you have not gone to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, I strongly recommend going there for the face time support and the coping skills they teach. We can have good lives in spite of our adult chldren's woes, but it takes time and practice. We need to learn that no matter what we do, we can't fix our adult kids. Sometimes less is more...the more we do to get them out of trouble, the more they feel that you'll rescue them so they feel comfortable continuing their destructive lifestyles. And until they decide they want to quit, they won't, no matter how many meetings and rehabs we make them go to, if they are even willing to go. We sadly have 0% control over our grown kids. But we have 100% control over how we react to their behavior and how we relate to them. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Can you do something nice for yourself today? YOU matter. You are not your son nor do you have to suffer because of his poor choices. I hope you find some serenity and happiness today. It's a start.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631302, member: 1550"] Hi. Very, very sorry for your hurting mommy heart. We've all been there. I assume your son is 18-21? I don't know if your son is an addict or what he is addicted to, and you don't get to know that either anymore, unless his lawyer tells you. After eighteen, they are protected from telling us what they don't want us to know. I was shocked to learn what my daughter was on after she quit and finally told me. I'm going to work soon, but wanted to respond so you don't feel we didn't see you. The short answer is that you need desperately to get help for YOU so that you an cope with your son's choices. We all have to do that. We can't control our grown sons and daughters, what they do, whether they comply with court orders, whether they really try to stop using drugs or not or whether or not they quit, which is all their decision. Your son may be getting money in ways you can't even imagine, just like my daughter did. He could be using the money he made at work, since you paid his rent (I don't recommend doing that, but that's just my opinion), they sell drugs to get money (my daughter says if you use, you sell...her experience), they steal from us (sometimes a bit at a time), they sell their own items or "hot" items that they manage to get...you may find that your son starts asking you for money for various reasons now that he is unemployed. My daughter also worked so she used her money for drugs, but she tells me now she also sold drugs. The fact is, I didn't know what my daughter was doing, and you don't know the full extent of what your son is doing. They will usually admit to pot, but nothing else, which is what my daughter did. And we believed her, of course, because she was our beloved daughter. Until we found a bag of white stuff hidden under her mattress. My daughter was on parole twice, but did not follow the parole rules as far as not using drugs. She was not put in jail and I think that was mostly because she was under eighteen when she was caught. If you have not gone to a Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, I strongly recommend going there for the face time support and the coping skills they teach. We can have good lives in spite of our adult chldren's woes, but it takes time and practice. We need to learn that no matter what we do, we can't fix our adult kids. Sometimes less is more...the more we do to get them out of trouble, the more they feel that you'll rescue them so they feel comfortable continuing their destructive lifestyles. And until they decide they want to quit, they won't, no matter how many meetings and rehabs we make them go to, if they are even willing to go. We sadly have 0% control over our grown kids. But we have 100% control over how we react to their behavior and how we relate to them. Big hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Can you do something nice for yourself today? YOU matter. You are not your son nor do you have to suffer because of his poor choices. I hope you find some serenity and happiness today. It's a start. [/QUOTE]
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