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Substance Abuse
I am so scared :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631337" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi LostMom, I am so sorry that you are in this situation, like so many of us are. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.</p><p></p><p>After years of this---my son is nearly 25---I realize you will have to just experience a lot of it, but you may want to immediately change your locks. If your son is using drugs at all (usually this doesn't happen with alcohol abuse) he is likely needing to steal or will be, and there's no sense in your just letting your valuables be stolen because you didn't realize the depth of the problem.</p><p></p><p>We changed the locks, the garage door codes and put slide bolts on the doors. It was a very hard day for me, the day we did that, but I am very glad we did. My son has stolen from me several times, but he hasn't gotten very much each time, so those losses have been minimal.</p><p></p><p>I know you are scared and upset right now, and there are a lot of unknowns. Once they enter the legal system, that process takes over, and quite frankly, it's a good thing it does. Today, I don't go to court, I don't hire lawyers, I don't bail him out, I don't put money on his account in jail and I haven't visited him in jail much at all or at all the last couple of times. </p><p></p><p>But I used to do all of those things, and little by little I became ready to stop. Today, my son has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies, and at one point I thought I would die because of that, but I have survived it, and I still hold my head up high. </p><p></p><p>He will have to dig out of this hole, if he chooses. When someone just keeps on and on and on doing the same things---the same stupid things----why in the world would we try to intervene to save them? It's for us that we do it, because not to do it is unimaginable to us, at first. </p><p></p><p>You are right in not believing anything he says about his drug and alcohol use, what he's doing or not doing and what any kind of tests show. He will tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Believe me. I've heard it all, and now I verify anything that is important for me to know. Most of the time, I just let that kind of information go in one ear and out the other.</p><p></p><p>Words are cheap. It's action that means something to me, today. If I see no action, that tells me all I need to know. </p><p></p><p>And about other people knowing, it is very likely that you can't prevent people from finding this out and gossiping. You will find out, once the word gets out, who your friends really are. I would say little, hold your head up---after all, YOU are not doing these things---HE is---and just keep moving forward.</p><p></p><p>We can't control what other people do or say. We can only control ourselves.</p><p></p><p>We get it here. Please keep posting and keep reading. It will help you. Warm hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631337, member: 17542"] Hi LostMom, I am so sorry that you are in this situation, like so many of us are. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. After years of this---my son is nearly 25---I realize you will have to just experience a lot of it, but you may want to immediately change your locks. If your son is using drugs at all (usually this doesn't happen with alcohol abuse) he is likely needing to steal or will be, and there's no sense in your just letting your valuables be stolen because you didn't realize the depth of the problem. We changed the locks, the garage door codes and put slide bolts on the doors. It was a very hard day for me, the day we did that, but I am very glad we did. My son has stolen from me several times, but he hasn't gotten very much each time, so those losses have been minimal. I know you are scared and upset right now, and there are a lot of unknowns. Once they enter the legal system, that process takes over, and quite frankly, it's a good thing it does. Today, I don't go to court, I don't hire lawyers, I don't bail him out, I don't put money on his account in jail and I haven't visited him in jail much at all or at all the last couple of times. But I used to do all of those things, and little by little I became ready to stop. Today, my son has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies, and at one point I thought I would die because of that, but I have survived it, and I still hold my head up high. He will have to dig out of this hole, if he chooses. When someone just keeps on and on and on doing the same things---the same stupid things----why in the world would we try to intervene to save them? It's for us that we do it, because not to do it is unimaginable to us, at first. You are right in not believing anything he says about his drug and alcohol use, what he's doing or not doing and what any kind of tests show. He will tell you what he thinks you want to hear. Believe me. I've heard it all, and now I verify anything that is important for me to know. Most of the time, I just let that kind of information go in one ear and out the other. Words are cheap. It's action that means something to me, today. If I see no action, that tells me all I need to know. And about other people knowing, it is very likely that you can't prevent people from finding this out and gossiping. You will find out, once the word gets out, who your friends really are. I would say little, hold your head up---after all, YOU are not doing these things---HE is---and just keep moving forward. We can't control what other people do or say. We can only control ourselves. We get it here. Please keep posting and keep reading. It will help you. Warm hugs. [/QUOTE]
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