I am starting to dread mornings.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I know I caused some of this...my reactions of course reinforce some of the behavior but it is so hard to not react negatively to being hit or called names. He doesn't have concerta on board yet or the clonidine extra morning tab dose (he has the patches on and they were bumped up).
    Every single morning I try to keep a routine. I wake him only 1/2 hour before the bus because when I have tried earlier to let medications kick in it only gives us the same 1/2 hour of no medications and 1/2 hour of his now being stuck in what he started...at least this way the bus comes and he usually snaps out of it. I make oatmeal, he is already dressed (I admit that is strange but it makes him feel better, he wont miss the bus so he changes at night and sleeps in his clothes-not a battle I choose to fight--he looks clean and is not smelly) after oatmeal he brushes his teeth (sometimes needs prompts) and gets rubber bands on braces.

    But lately every response ends with an inappropriate name...I ignore the name but not the request if possible, but he increases the name and louder and louder, if I ask to stop he says ok but it continues (perseverative) and may add stomping or wall banging. If I ask to stop he says ok, sorry but then laughs and pretends to punch me (like a game) but eventually starts slapping (like the boys do sometimes but he never can contain it) and eventually I have to touch him to block his hands...he ges mad then and really starts hitting. He also then pats the dog and he is too old for that, not hitting but bugging him so I say if he can't be gentle then I have to say he can't pet the neighbors' puppies because I have to protect them too and he loses it. This is what happens every time I give any even small consequence. I still follow through because he needs to know I mean it, but I have learned not to give huge consequences or he panics and there is nothing for him to earn (he is not motivated by much so there are only a few things to choose from and a few things to use for consequences) Unfortunately one of the things that stops him is to threaten to call the bus company. (remember this is because he is in a place where our zones are not working, smile) And I do...if you can't be safe at home then I can't risk you being on a bus unsafe.... Safety issues are not negotiable with me. When those medications kick in, it is like night and day. SOOOO frustrating. If it is frustrating for me I can only imagine how it feels to him.

    Every morning lately I can count on being hit, grabbed etc. I hate mornings like that. Today it included pounding on the doors and walls. SInce I live in a large townhome complex that just doesn't fly with the neighbors.

    He is going to start a new seizure medication/behavior medication soon (appointment is on 13th I think and we have already talked on the phone). There are signs this is not just a morning thing in that he gets stuck in other behaviors that typically we can redirect him to. (yesterday started putting a sucker near the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker's head while driving when she asked him to stop he says ok but puts it in her hair over and over....she of course pulled over) When he has an issue in all settings I tend to think more medications...when it is only in one then I look harder at the setting. But in the mean time, I have to work on my responses (I will be calling the in home psychiatric) and working on the deep breathing. I was just not in a good mommy mode today and he could see he got to me. So now, in combination with a sub at school, I am sure of a call. I already warned them of a tricky morning so they usually do a much better job with him...take him to "his" office first thing (funny I think there are staff who dont have space to work but my kid has his own room, more than the class sensory room...he got a window because he likes to sit and count things outside to calm himself.)

    Usually I dont tear up about this stuff but it really got to me today. I need to check my PMS schedule, he is always assured of getting more consequences when I have pms. Not fair to him at all so I try to pay attention.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are a really awesome mom. Everyone has a bad day now and then, and as much as you have to handle, you are AMAZING.

    Bad days are not fun but are inevitable. Take some time to relax and do something you enjoy. Please don't beat yourself up - it is HARD to be hit once in a while. Being hit every day and keeping your temper? Superhuman expectation of yourself. I hope the medication change/tweak ends this.

    in my opinion letting him sleep in his clothes is brilliant if it keeps the morning more peaceful for each of you!!! I cannot see where it would be a problem for ANYONE, esp if you let them get him dressed for a couple of days if they object - and let them spend the rest of the day with him too! Solutions like that are only objected to by people who don't have a clue and wouldn't be able to cope with one if they had one, in my opinion. It works, so don't fix it!!
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    thanks susiestar...always quick with a kind response...I really needed it.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do you think he would do well with some kind of punching object? One of those punching bags or pop up clowns we had as kids? Maybe he would hit that instead of you. Maybe you could even get the kind you hang down from the ceiling.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    yes, I did think that too. So we had the punching bag thingie... also designated a spot. But he gets so perseverative that he can't stop thoughts, words, behaviors...he gets totally stuck. so when time to shift he is still hitting on the way. I wanted that to help so much. Same thing happened in TaeKwonDo classes. I'm thinking handcuffs and leg shackles (KIDDING, all mandated reporters dont worry!)
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are allowed to think absolutely anything!
    Now, if you had said that you had actually DONE this... or actually threatened to do this... but you didn't.

    SO, "think" away. We all need a fantasy escape at some point... but people who don't inhabit our world would never understand some of our fantasy escapes!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Once you get the stimulant medication you could try what I did. I took a drink that difficult child liked and his pill to him in bed about thirty minutes before time to get up. He would grogily take the pill and roll over for more sleep. It made a huge and I do mean huge difference in our mornings.

    You are doing an outstanding job. A couple of other Warrior Moms let their difficult child's get dressed at night to avoid the morning problem and it worked well for them too. Please remember that even the top WM's get overwhelmed and need a teary day now and then. Let them flow when you can...it helps. Hugs. DDD

    PS: Sometimes it helps to "stay out of the way" in the mornings too. If there is nobody to yell at it can lead to more peaceful mornings.
  8. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I agree, buddy.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How weird it seems to care for so many strangers yet, you all don't feel like strangers. Such a comfort. Thanks.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((hugs))) I've spent so many mornings similar to yours. I so know how you feel. My difficult child is much the same way so I can understand dreading the mornings. by the way, if our difficult child decides he wants to sleep with his clothes on we let him. He doesn't do it so much anymore and I almost wish he would.
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Mornings around here can be nasty too. If difficult child gets verbally abusive? He goes to his room to finish his breakfast. There are just some days that are harder than others. Hugs.