I am starting to hate weekends!!!

[lovelyboy]

It's becoming a pattern now.....Saturday mornings is fine, then difficult child and hubby goes to skate park and eat Mc Donalds afterwords.....
But just after a while at home ghg starts getting bored!!!!!! Then he wants husband te entertain him....this carries on the whole weekend!!!!
On Sundays he is highly irritated and starts physickly or verbally picking fights....until its a blow up, meltdown, aggression, exct!!!!
He has PLENTY of toys, games, PS3, you name it! He is so often picking fights because he wants to rent more dvd's, download expensive games, exct!
We cant go out...because he becomes bored....irritated, ruling the outing.....we cant envite people, worry about his behaviour!!!! We are being kept hostage in our own home by our own son!!!!! During the week he is much better! I know its about routine....but we cant have his whole weekend packed full of stuff to do....its expensive and draining!

 

[TeDo]

Do you think some of it is jealousy that Dad spends time with just easy child but not with difficult child on Saturdays and then that "unfairness" stews all week-end long? Maybe staying busy all week-end isn't the answer. Maybe you both need to make a point of spending 1:1 time together with each kid but away from the others. THAT is something both my kids have pointed out to me. I spend more time, money, etc on one than the other and it hurts their feelings. Might be worth a shot???

 

[Bunny]

My friends always laugh at me when I tell them that my favorite day of the week is Monday. Kids back to school, husband back to work, and me having all day to decompress from the weekend and having everyone home.

We tend to have the same problem here, too. During the week there tends to be alot more structure to their days. Get up for school at a certain time, eat breakfast, get ready for school, got to school, come home, have a snack, do homework, have some playtime, eat dinner, take a shower, go to bed at bed time. The next day it's the same thing, over and over again for five days. Then the weekend comes and things are alot more lax. Some weekends you might have alot of things to do. The next weekend might be a quiet weekend. It's tough for them. I know that my difficult child has problems on the weekend because of this. He does much better when he knows that we're doing x, y, and z and such and such a time.

difficult child does the whole, "I'm bored! Play with me!" thing. Sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't. It's tough for them to understand that it's your weekend, too, and you need some downtime, too. I wish I had some advice for you about what to do with him. With us, difficult child does better if we do something with him in the morning. This morning is was make doughnuts with my new doughnut maker. He got my attention for a while, he got to do something that he likes, and he got doughnuts out of it.

Can you tell difficult child "We're going to play this game at this time. Before and after that you have to find a way to occupy yourself"?

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT was horrible at entertaining herself, too. I remember one day, when I'd had more than enough, I lost it and yelled at her, "I'm not Barnum and Bailey! It's not my job to entertain you! Go DO something already and leave me alone!"

Not one of my finer moments...

 

[myeverything04]

I have the same problem here! Thankfully my difficult child is with her dad and stepmom every other weekend so at least I get a break. Do you think maybe instead of them going to the skatepark in the morning, they could go in the afternoon? Maybe this will give your son some time to get up and pick something he wants to do for a while before getting bored. My difficult child is an only child and plays better alone now that she is on ADHD medications as she can focus more on more thing, but she still gets bored and has more toys than Toys R Us at any given time. I have actually thought about rotating her toys in/out so they seem "new" to her when she gets a new bin. Is this something that might work for your son? Also, I noticed you have another son who is younger. How does difficult child get along with him? I know 8 and 4 year olds are at different levels as far as what they would play with and such, but maybe getting something out for both of them to do for a while might help. I have actual set the timer with my daughter and said "I have to do dishes now so here are two choices (coloring or painting for example) that you need to pick from while the timer is on." This gives difficult child an option as to what she will do, but doesn't give her too many choices to the point where she feels overwhelmed either.

 

[buddy]

Sigh...it is really tough, isn't it?

Lots of good thoughts here, you will have to keep searching till you find what works for you.

I can add a couple of ideas too but they may or may not help...

1. maybe it is not about being bored from the weekend but anticipation of school starting again? He does better during school weeks.... but does he like it better?

2. maybe it is not that you have to do a bunch of activities to keep him happy, maybe it is just that he needs a schedule....printed out. put the free times and the choice times and the scheduled activities. So, he can know, yes for now I have to pick my own activity but at 3 on sunday we go to the library or for a walk or bike ride, family game time, etc. Does he like you to read with him? My son does better if he reads a page or half of a page and I read a page..... taking turns.

I am at a point now too where we do very little social because even if Q is 95% of the time ok, his not ok time is so outrageous, it makes the rest not worth it.

I like the suggestion of you guys taking turns one on one... dad and youngest then dad and oldest, mom does the opposite of dad at those times. Again, put in a schedule for him.

HUGS, Dee

 

[lovelyboy]

Thanx for all your input!
Buddy....mabe you have a point about school!
Its Sundaynight here now....difficult child was playing nicely while me and hubby were watching a bit of TV....So then he came into the room and announced that he is not going to school tomorrow!!!! I did NOT see this coming!!!!!! Started screeming, kicking, crying that I cant do this to him to let him go to school....After huge fight and almost throwing TV over and all the verbal abuse.....he realized his dad never build the lego with him that he promised, so started crying again!!!! So now they are building lego for 15 min and its already past bedtime! But he is in a good space now......Oh and he announced that he had a terrible headache for 3 days already!!!!! I really wish he could tell me....I gave him some Myprodil so hopefully he will feel better soon!!!!!I do think I must phone the psychiatrist tomorrow and maybe scedule for an EEG sooner than later! This headaches and meltdowns dont feel right!!!!

 

[buddy]

oh poor boy. Q never tells of his aches and pains which HUGELY affect his behavior ... he tells us later. His teacher frequently tells him, if you tell me then I can help you. He says he wants to see if it will just go away and then later if it doesn't then he will tell us.

Yeah, I hope they can figure it out. I would have de escalated that with the legos too...not to reward a fit but with all that escalation, and no real clue yet what is causing all of this?? I think he did what was best. Just MHO for that time (wouldn't get in a pattern of it, but for that time, yup)

 

[lovelyboy]

I just had a long talk before bedtime.....and boy oh boy....I just realized how different our kids minds work!!!!!
So at the end it came out that the reasons why he doesnt want to go to school is: one of the girls who was suppose to be in his class didnt came to school last week....so I told him they have moved......The other reason is that he is terribly upset because the kids broke the lids of one of the boardgames they play in class.....so I said I will ask teacher if I can try and fix the box......the other reason is that he cant eat his sandwiches at brake because the other boys play handtennis and the ball hits him all the time and he cant go and sit on the grass because the grass is to sharp and it hurts his legs......my poor son....I dont have any idea how difficult life must be for him!!!!,

 

[buddy]

And these are the things that I fear his teacher who only sees him suck-it-up will not understand. Poor boy, (LOL, hmmm not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) at all is he??? Sometimes my son's Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) really hits me in the face like this example did for you... poor boys)

 

[lovelyboy]

Yes Buddy.....EXACTLY!!!!!! I was actually wondering if I must send her an email regarding all this.....maybe she will get a better understanding....Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) isnt just an airy fairy thing....we as parents need to put alot in to get the kiddo at school,!!! And my son is the model child at school....she doesnt see all the meltdowns and refusing to go to school!!!!!

 

[buddy]

couldn't hurt to send her just an FYI kind of email... I mean... maybe something like seems like things have been going pretty well at school, and as you get to know difficult child, I am going to just share some insight he gave his father and me over the weekend. He became very upset about school and explained..... (what he told you)......... I am sharing this with you to help you to understand how hard he works to push through his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) symptoms. We are very proud of him and want you to be aware that these things often add up and may cause difficulties. As part of his team, we are hoping you will be aware and share with us any concerns...

I don't know if that is something she would respond to or if you want to be more directive about offering a blanket for him to sit on instead of grass etc....

NOW, I have to write that dumb letter to the sp ed director about the psychiatric(o) , how about you draft it?? LOL.. it is always easier when it is not your own letter...HAHA

 

[Wiped Out]

I didn't get to read all of the responses but you could totally be describing my difficult child. Self-entertainment is not in his vocabulary.

 

[lovelyboy]

Good luck with the letter Buddy....sorry I cant help, think you will do a much better job though!
I must really call the psychiatrist today and try to let her understand that things is out of control!!!!
She just want to up medications, but that worsens his irritibility!!!!She wants to add Abilify.....wonder if this will help? I am thinking more in the direction of adding cognitive behaviouristic therapy.....just dont know if Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids can understand and apply the tecniques?
Good luck for all of you with the new week....I am so stressed....just hope difficult child will go to school today!!!!!!

 

[InsaneCdn]

Structure and routine do not require a raft of scheduled, expensive activities.
But it does require forethought, planning, and consistency of execution.

Is the weekend bedtime routine the same as for school nights? If not, that will be one more factor...
Meal times?
Simple expectations... maybe a certain otherwise ordinary but loved meal, as "the" Saturday supper every week? Or a bath treat (bubble-bath?). Plug as much "guaranteed to happen" into the day as possible.

 

[Bunny]

Even though my difficult child is a model student at school, whenever he has a bad day at home I would try to send the teacher (or the guidance counselor) an e-mail explaining what is going on. He would hold himself together at school, but then would come home an absolutely explode about things that happened during the day. The teacher would then be able to address things that I could not. Even if they are little things that would not bother other kids, like the cover to the game box being broken, these are the things that can send our kids into a tizzy.

 

[myeverything04]

I would also like to suggest emailing his teacher about the things he has anxiety about. My difficult child is also a pretty model student at school, but every once in a while she will start having meltdowns in the car on the way to school. These meltdown days would last a few days at a time but when they started to be more frequent, I informed her teacher just so she was in the loop. There have actual been times I have had to park the car and walk my crying child down to her classroom because she refused to get out in the parent drop off line. Since I informed her teacher of these instances, she has had the school councelor meet my daughter outside when I drop her off and then they walk in together.

 

[lovelyboy]

I am so frustrated with the whole teacher school thing at the moment, re my new post....
I more and more get the message from the teacher that my son needs to learn to deal with their school expectations in order to stay in their school! Dont get the idea they are willing to make a little bit of adjustments!!!! They are a private school, so dont think they have to allow him there if he needs to many adjustments!