I am still alive UPDATE ON US AND husband!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by missmel3315, Aug 24, 2007.

  1. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    Hey to everyone who still remembers me. I know it has been a long time, but fortunately Janet has been keeping y'all posted about all that is going on in the insanity that is known as my life. For those who aren't up to speed I will try to bring you up to the goings on without trying to be so long winded.

    I will go back to November of last year when Cliff and I separated due to the fact that the kids were at eachothers throats and succeeded at putting a wedge between us and we always agreed before we married that if we were forced to choose between the kids and our marriage the kids would win and we would divorce. It was ugly for a while and as many of you know Cliff had a nervous break down. Fast forward to March we both had time to calm down and realize that things were no better and we infact wanted to be back together and began trying to put our lives back together. The kids were furious but we were going to try anyway. things were going well as far as our relationship was concerned and we had started working on bringing the kids around when on Easter Sunday I had a terrible roll over accident in my SUV in which I broke my neck in three places. They weren't sure if I would walk again but fortunately I did. Cliff was so good to me and was adamant (SP) that if I was paralyzed that he and the girls would move back in immediately. Just as I was finishing up my rehabilitation/therapy I had to have abdominal surgery due to my adhesions and endometriosis. That was May 18. Then on May 25th Cliff and I were celebrating our my oldest sons HS grad with family and around midnight he went to his apartment. Ten mins later his oldest daughter called me to say he had fallen in the bathroom and she believed he had had a stroke but cliff refused to go with the paramedics. I ran over there and made him go. He indeed had had a stroke so massive that it started in the mid brain and blew out the entire right hemisphere of his brain. We tried clot busters and he seemed to be doing ok. But by Wed of that week he was only responding to my commands and by friday and sat he was no longer responsive. I had been begging his docs to do another CT but they refused. Finally on Sat the on call doctor agreed he was worsening and did a CT to find that his brain was swelling so badly it had shifted almost all the way to the right side of his head. While we were waiting to go to ICU and try to control his swelling with medications I noted his heart beginning to become irregular and his breathing was sounding like ppl do as they are dying. They rushed him to surgery to do an immediate crainotomy with a lobectomy (removal of skull and brain matter) The surgeon confirmed that he was minutes from death. He fortunatly survived but a week later he developed a 104 degree fever for over 12 hours. I begged them to find out what was going on and as they piddled around he got worse. They finally did a spinal tap to find he indeed has spinal meningitis. Again they thought he was going to die. During this time I was still healing from my surgery and due to being with him 24/7 I contracted a staff infection and had to have emergency surgery and be put on a wound vac. I spent a week in the hospital. Cliff was hanging in there but was losing weight and unable to handle therapy to his body. They kept telling me that the meningitis could kill him. The day i was discharged from the hospital I went to go see him and while they told me his head would go flat on the surgical side i was shocked to see how bad he looked. I lost it. After four weeks of inpatient iv antibiotics he was well enough to go to a long term acute care hospital. He was now completely paralyzed on the left side of his body. During this time I developed another infection in my abdomen and had to be rehospitalized. the only thing that kept me going was the birth of our first grandchild a boy named Ashton Drew. He spent a month at Kindred LTAC. and then was actually well enough to be transferred to a rehab facility. He was able to now sit but still couldnt walk or use his hand. His cognition was also very much affected. We transferred him to a facility called TIRR (the institute for rehabilitation and research) It was there that he started really getting better fast. He worked up to a reg diet from a pureed one. He learned how to dress himself shower, speak again, and took his first steps. It has been difficult but after a month we are finally home. He is still in a wheelchair but can walk 75 feet with assistance. He can now move his left leg although it is very weak and the muscles have wasted greatly. He also has movement in his shoulder and upper arm and they feel he will get more feeling and movement back in the lower arm and hand. He still has left hemi neglect and has to work hard at reading things esp on the left side and has some permanent vision loss to the left eye. The surgeon who did his crainotomy stored the skull cap in his abdomen to be replaced sometime in Sept or Oct. I unfortunately have developed another infection in my abdomen but can't do anything about it right now except to take antibiotics. I am the only one who can take care of him right now so there is no other option. But with all that Cliff has been thru my issues seem so small. He continues to amaze me every day. And we finally realized how much we want to be together.

    On a brighter note my oldest son is graduating from Boot Camp in the Army, and we absoultely have fallen in love with Ashton. My oldest daughter has moved back to help as much as she can. The down side was that Cliff and I decided that it would be best if his daughters and my youngest difficult child would live for the next year with their bio-mom and difficult child's dad. The girls are in Houston and difficult child is in Ohio. Bio-mom has taken advantage of this and is really sticking it to Cliff. It makes me want to just knock the snot out of her.

    Well so much for being conscise LOL. Thanks to all who took the time to read the whole post. Also thanks to Dammit Janet for posting and keeping everyone updated. I am eternally gratefull. Also thanks to everyone who prayed, held good thought and wishes, and lit candles for us. Keep em comming as I don't think Cliff would be as well as he is without them.

    HUGS to all!!
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    OMG, Mel, I had no idea that your life had gotten this crazy! I read your entire post in amazement. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and your family, but glad to know that it has made you stronger together.

    You and Cliff will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. I am sending a bigger prayer Bio-Mom's way to :censored2: every bit of negative energy out of her. I don't know what she plans to accomplish by acting that way in this situation. The least she could do is give it a rest.
  3. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Good lord, You are both amazing people :angel:....You and Cliff have been through way toooo much. Yikes my son was also in surgery on May 18th, Same day as your surgery for G-Tube placement after asperating but he is doing well. You and Cliff are in my prayers with the hopes that you both make a speedy recovery. :flower: Welcome back missmel, Glad your back.
  4. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    Whitzend Thanks for your prayers and good wishes. It is the night time when I allow my brain to run that it gets hard. It is also when I feel the most alone and scared. We have no family here mine lives in San Antonio and husband's live in Houston. They have been little to no help. Due to our separation they now hate me and have tried over and over again to get Cliff to move back to Houston and leave me and the kids. His sister has on more than one occasion accused Cliff of "abandoning" his daughters. His brother makes his snide comments about my need to take pain medicine due to my arthritis and fibromyalgia. Just the other day when I called him because he said he would be the "buffer" between me and husband's sister after she upset husband he called me a drug addict. :highvoltage: I was livid. And husband's ex promised that the change of custody was only temp and she wouldnt ask for child support but not only did she she is asking that he buy a life insurance policy making her the beneficiary! Some nerve. Anyway thanks again. I am going to bed now to try and get a couple hours sleep.

  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Hang in there. You've already been through so much and you're beginning to see the clouds lifting. It's got to get better from here.

  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What a horror! Keeping positive thoughts for recovery for you & your entire family. :angel:
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome back. :flower:

    Oh, my! I'll keep the prayers coming for sure. I too think that it should be all uphill from here.

    You might want to have that infection cultured. You may be dealing with MRSA.

  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Wow - that is a lot for any one family to go through.

    I can understand the need for child support with three extra kids - but the life insurance policy was rude. Although she truly may be thinking of her kids future. Not really sure what kind of person she is. Either way it all is just too much for you and husband to think about right now.

    I had the infections with an abdominal surgery as well. Not fun!

    I hope things start to improve for you guys!!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG!Hard to believe. Whew. I, too, hope things improve for you all. You've been through SO much. {{cyberhugs}}
  10. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    WOW! That's so much for a family to go through.

    I agree with Marg, it's got to get better from here.

    Will continue to send good vibes and prayers your way.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update, Mel. It's been a long time but many of us
    keep you and yours in our thoughts and prayers. DDD
  12. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    mom in training. I hope your son faired better than I have. I am currentlly treating myself as I cant leave husband alone and frankly my treatment has been so hodge podge I doubt the doctor would treat me anymore. Just as well. I am sorry he had to have a G-tube placed but I am sure you weighed all the options and it was the best decision for him. My prayers are with you.

    Many HUGS
  13. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    Thanks Marg. I need all the support I can get right now. We have none of our equipment for me to be better able to take care of him thus I am having a very difficult day. I am still trying to get my house in order which will take me all weekend. All I want to do is collapse. I keep trying to be positive and see the silver lining instead of the clouds but I have been thru so much in my short 37 years that each situation gets harder and harder to muddle thru. I pretty much wait for the other shoe to drop these days but in the meantime keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thanks for all your support.

  14. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    thanks Timerlady, It is great to hear from you! How is everyone. I have missed everyone so much. I will try to keep everyone better posted.

  15. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    Hey Daisylover! It is great to hear from you! I have missed talking with you. I have had the wound cultured and the first time it was a nasty staff infection and the second was pseudomonis which is very contagious. I couldnt see Cliff for over a week. This one is getting better with antibiotics so keep your fingers crossed.

  16. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    busywend. I also understand the need for childsupport but he isnt working right now and she knew he was not mentally able to deal with all this. Heck he didnt even charge her the state amt. She is just a crazy idiot. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts.

  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my-what a lot your family has been through. Keeping you and yours in my prayers. Hugs.
  18. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    thanks wiped out. It means so much to me that no matter how long I am gone from this board everyone it right there with the support, shoulder and love that I so need right now. It makes me feel less alone.

  19. missmel3315

    missmel3315 Active Member

    DDD it is so great to hear from you! I have missed everyone so much. I feel like I am no longer alone while I go thru all of this. I miss difficult child so much but logically know that being with his dad this school year is going to be good for him and allows me to concentrate on husband's recovery.

  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Nice to meet you, and HOLY s***!! That's a rough patch you've just been through! I will be adding you and yours to my prayer list, and I look forward to getting to know you!