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I am worn down...
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 668759" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Worn out... Welcome. I have been where you are. We kicked out son out when he was 18 because he was flagrantly violating all the rules (taking the car in the middle of the night without permission) and when I told him he needed to start following the rules he threatened me. We too had a younger child at home. It was a very tough time and it definitely got worse before it got better. So I totally get where you are coming from not wanting your son to be homeless. He probably does have places to go, although they may be with folks you would rather he not go with.... and there are services for homeless youth. More than you realize I am sure. My son did spend some time in Denver homeless in the middle of winter so I totally get the worry of the cold.</p><p></p><p>However it is not healthy for your 3 younger children to watch his behavior and that you let him get away with it. It really isnt good for him either. So at this point your duty as a father is to your 3 younger kids.... and you dont want them getting the message that this is ok. I will say it was a big benefit to my daughter that we kicked my son out... her last couple of years in HS were peaceful at home and she blossomed and is doing very well now in college.</p><p></p><p>Even if you do kick your son out, you can continue to let your son know you love him and will help him when he wants to help himself. We kept the door open with my son (although not to come home) and he called us when he got in trouble (several times). He is now almost 24 and finally after some times in jail, time homelss and several stints at rehab he has chosen himself to get clean and is doing much much better and we have a much much better relationship. So there is hope, although the journey is arduous. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could say differently but continuing to enable him to stay at home, and behave this way is not going to help him. All he is learning is that you are a softie and he can manipulate you to get what he wants, and he will think he can do that to others as well. It is not the way the world works as my son had to learn. </p><p></p><p>I dont regreat kicking my son out, although it was totally awful... and him being homeless was the worst.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, many of us have been in your shoes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 668759, member: 15801"] Hi Worn out... Welcome. I have been where you are. We kicked out son out when he was 18 because he was flagrantly violating all the rules (taking the car in the middle of the night without permission) and when I told him he needed to start following the rules he threatened me. We too had a younger child at home. It was a very tough time and it definitely got worse before it got better. So I totally get where you are coming from not wanting your son to be homeless. He probably does have places to go, although they may be with folks you would rather he not go with.... and there are services for homeless youth. More than you realize I am sure. My son did spend some time in Denver homeless in the middle of winter so I totally get the worry of the cold. However it is not healthy for your 3 younger children to watch his behavior and that you let him get away with it. It really isnt good for him either. So at this point your duty as a father is to your 3 younger kids.... and you dont want them getting the message that this is ok. I will say it was a big benefit to my daughter that we kicked my son out... her last couple of years in HS were peaceful at home and she blossomed and is doing very well now in college. Even if you do kick your son out, you can continue to let your son know you love him and will help him when he wants to help himself. We kept the door open with my son (although not to come home) and he called us when he got in trouble (several times). He is now almost 24 and finally after some times in jail, time homelss and several stints at rehab he has chosen himself to get clean and is doing much much better and we have a much much better relationship. So there is hope, although the journey is arduous. I wish I could say differently but continuing to enable him to stay at home, and behave this way is not going to help him. All he is learning is that you are a softie and he can manipulate you to get what he wants, and he will think he can do that to others as well. It is not the way the world works as my son had to learn. I dont regreat kicking my son out, although it was totally awful... and him being homeless was the worst. Keep posting, many of us have been in your shoes. [/QUOTE]
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