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I am worn down...
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 668765" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Welcome WornOut, I feel for you and your dilemma. It is the most difficult place to be. I have removed my firstborn several times from our home due to reckless, obnoxious, disrespectful behavior. Her downward spiral began in Middle School with pot smoking and our relationship eroded from there. She only wanted to party, was terribly moody, resentful and unmotivated. I do believe that the music of the 80's played a big part in her downfall. I did not allow rap in my home, but she and her friends managed to fill their heads with it elsewhere. She chose peers who wore rags, partied, drank, smoked pot. She lived to party. I showed her the door after a booming argument, and way too much crap taking when she was 18. I lowered myself to a point of anger so deep- my parting words to her-shamefully- Get the "F" out. I don't normally swear, believing there are better words, but this fit the occasion. She took to "gypsy" living, drifting, found a "gangsta" boyfriend who ended their relationship by placing a dead kitten in her bag. UGH. He later was gunned down in California.</p><p></p><p>Not a pretty picture for my first born-but her choices.....That was 18 years ago.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope I won't come on too harsh, because I am in anger mode.</p><p> Why on God's green earth <em><strong>should</strong></em> <em><strong>you</strong></em> buy him another car?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Therapy will not work for him unless he is willing to change. You on the other hand are here on this site. You are looking for answers and are possibly ready to change your response to his drug induced, infantile, disrespectful, unacceptable, tantruming, all by the way, being witnessed by his younger siblings. How they turn out depends a whole lot on how they see their Father respond.I encourage you to seek counseling, to have a professional guide you. Please continue to search this sight, and read the article on Detachment- very informative to addicts behavior and our response as parents.</p><p></p><p></p><p>WornOut, would you stand this behavior from anybody else? Horrible doesn't begin to describe this, there is no excuse, no reason. We have said "It is the drugs that make them act this way" . It is our adult children, choosing to do drugs, abusing and using us as parents. We had to learn to stop looking at our first and third born as the children we raised. They are adults. Adults under the terrible influence of drugs. Invasion of the body snatcher. This is your addicted Adult son abusing you and disrespecting you. It is up to you to change how you respond to his unacceptable behavior.</p><p></p><p> Kicked out by his actions-his choices, these are his friends we are talking about-big billboard sign WornOut it reads </p><p>"<span style="font-size: 18px"> <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0)">I am so despicable in my choices and sponging that my own friends can't stand me anymore, but hey there's Dad-he will take me back!"</span></span></p><p> Been there, done that. It is my husband that allowed our firstborn back, I became the bad guy. Bad, bad Mother, how dare I want peace in my home. How dare I demand respect? My adult children played us over and over.</p><p></p><p> BEST move- BRAVO WornOut!</p><p></p><p> OOOPS, BAD move. We have been through this so many times. It took a lot of years of the revolving door for us to realize having our adult difficult children at home did not work for us or them.</p><p></p><p> "Only $200-$300" please WornOut do not minimize his thieving. It is the ultimate disrespect for a child to steal from their parents. The more he does it, the more emboldened he will be to do it again.The more he will disrespect you, <em>because you are allowing it to happen.</em></p><p></p><p> Please WornOut, hang on to the fed up feeling, do not give in to your worries, see it for what it is, an impossible, ugly, heart and gut wrenching, unacceptable REALITY. This is your son. This is your life with your son on drugs, living in your home.</p><p></p><p></p><p>We have four children after our firstborn. The two youngest are the ones who suffered the most from the antics of our first and third born.I am constantly apologizing to them for me not waking up and smelling the proverbial coffee. Not only did these two older ones rob us, they robbed their siblings of their childhood and precious time we should have spent concentrating on their rearing and future.Please look in to your three younger children's eyes, hearts and minds. If you will not put your foot down for your own self-respect-do it for your three babies!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>WornOut, we all have to hit that breaking point in our own time-even your son does. He will not do anything to get well as long as he has control over you and your household. It is good that you don't feel bad about not wanting him there. That is a BIG start. There are places he can go to get out of the cold. This is his life, his choosing. Our adult children force our hands in removing them- it is the consequences of their degraded choices. Be careful about the "IF's, and "Buts". This is yourself bargaining with the "awfulness" out there in the world. Right now, the "awfulness" is your son, on drugs, wreaking mayhem and havoc in your home.</p><p><em>You said "How can a father, a God-fearing father, kick his son out to be homeless?"</em></p><p><em>I reply- <strong><span style="font-size: 18px">"How can a son cause so much anguish as to force a God-fearing father to kick him out of the home?"</span></strong></em></p><p><em><strong><span style="font-size: 18px"></span></strong></em></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">Please put the responsibility and consequence back where it belongs, in your sons adult lap. Only then will he be forced to look at himself and deal with his mistakes.You are doing yourself, your wife and three children a great favor, you are giving them peace by standing firm. You are doing your son a bigger favor, by showing him at an early stage in the game, that the gig is up, you will no longer allow him to walk all over you and the family. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">I am here writing this to you, because I wish we had the courage to do this. It would have saved us a lot of heart ache and misery. Maybe, just maybe my mixed up addicted adult kids would be in a better place today.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">Take courage WornOut, say a prayer for your son, and faithfully give him over to God. That is what I have finally done.Whenever I find myself pining away for my grown girls, I say a prayer for them. I say a prayer for you now, that you will be emboldened to take charge of your household and stand firm in your convictions.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">God bless you and your family. Others will come and share.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">(((HUGS)))</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 668765, member: 19522"] Welcome WornOut, I feel for you and your dilemma. It is the most difficult place to be. I have removed my firstborn several times from our home due to reckless, obnoxious, disrespectful behavior. Her downward spiral began in Middle School with pot smoking and our relationship eroded from there. She only wanted to party, was terribly moody, resentful and unmotivated. I do believe that the music of the 80's played a big part in her downfall. I did not allow rap in my home, but she and her friends managed to fill their heads with it elsewhere. She chose peers who wore rags, partied, drank, smoked pot. She lived to party. I showed her the door after a booming argument, and way too much crap taking when she was 18. I lowered myself to a point of anger so deep- my parting words to her-shamefully- Get the "F" out. I don't normally swear, believing there are better words, but this fit the occasion. She took to "gypsy" living, drifting, found a "gangsta" boyfriend who ended their relationship by placing a dead kitten in her bag. UGH. He later was gunned down in California. Not a pretty picture for my first born-but her choices.....That was 18 years ago. I hope I won't come on too harsh, because I am in anger mode. Why on God's green earth [I][B]should[/B][/I] [I][B]you[/B][/I] buy him another car? Therapy will not work for him unless he is willing to change. You on the other hand are here on this site. You are looking for answers and are possibly ready to change your response to his drug induced, infantile, disrespectful, unacceptable, tantruming, all by the way, being witnessed by his younger siblings. How they turn out depends a whole lot on how they see their Father respond.I encourage you to seek counseling, to have a professional guide you. Please continue to search this sight, and read the article on Detachment- very informative to addicts behavior and our response as parents. WornOut, would you stand this behavior from anybody else? Horrible doesn't begin to describe this, there is no excuse, no reason. We have said "It is the drugs that make them act this way" . It is our adult children, choosing to do drugs, abusing and using us as parents. We had to learn to stop looking at our first and third born as the children we raised. They are adults. Adults under the terrible influence of drugs. Invasion of the body snatcher. This is your addicted Adult son abusing you and disrespecting you. It is up to you to change how you respond to his unacceptable behavior. Kicked out by his actions-his choices, these are his friends we are talking about-big billboard sign WornOut it reads "[SIZE=5] [COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 0)]I am so despicable in my choices and sponging that my own friends can't stand me anymore, but hey there's Dad-he will take me back!"[/COLOR][/SIZE] Been there, done that. It is my husband that allowed our firstborn back, I became the bad guy. Bad, bad Mother, how dare I want peace in my home. How dare I demand respect? My adult children played us over and over. BEST move- BRAVO WornOut! OOOPS, BAD move. We have been through this so many times. It took a lot of years of the revolving door for us to realize having our adult difficult children at home did not work for us or them. "Only $200-$300" please WornOut do not minimize his thieving. It is the ultimate disrespect for a child to steal from their parents. The more he does it, the more emboldened he will be to do it again.The more he will disrespect you, [I]because you are allowing it to happen.[/I] Please WornOut, hang on to the fed up feeling, do not give in to your worries, see it for what it is, an impossible, ugly, heart and gut wrenching, unacceptable REALITY. This is your son. This is your life with your son on drugs, living in your home. We have four children after our firstborn. The two youngest are the ones who suffered the most from the antics of our first and third born.I am constantly apologizing to them for me not waking up and smelling the proverbial coffee. Not only did these two older ones rob us, they robbed their siblings of their childhood and precious time we should have spent concentrating on their rearing and future.Please look in to your three younger children's eyes, hearts and minds. If you will not put your foot down for your own self-respect-do it for your three babies! WornOut, we all have to hit that breaking point in our own time-even your son does. He will not do anything to get well as long as he has control over you and your household. It is good that you don't feel bad about not wanting him there. That is a BIG start. There are places he can go to get out of the cold. This is his life, his choosing. Our adult children force our hands in removing them- it is the consequences of their degraded choices. Be careful about the "IF's, and "Buts". This is yourself bargaining with the "awfulness" out there in the world. Right now, the "awfulness" is your son, on drugs, wreaking mayhem and havoc in your home. [I]You said "How can a father, a God-fearing father, kick his son out to be homeless?" I reply- [B][SIZE=5]"How can a son cause so much anguish as to force a God-fearing father to kick him out of the home?" [/SIZE][/B][/I] [SIZE=4]Please put the responsibility and consequence back where it belongs, in your sons adult lap. Only then will he be forced to look at himself and deal with his mistakes.You are doing yourself, your wife and three children a great favor, you are giving them peace by standing firm. You are doing your son a bigger favor, by showing him at an early stage in the game, that the gig is up, you will no longer allow him to walk all over you and the family. I am here writing this to you, because I wish we had the courage to do this. It would have saved us a lot of heart ache and misery. Maybe, just maybe my mixed up addicted adult kids would be in a better place today. Take courage WornOut, say a prayer for your son, and faithfully give him over to God. That is what I have finally done.Whenever I find myself pining away for my grown girls, I say a prayer for them. I say a prayer for you now, that you will be emboldened to take charge of your household and stand firm in your convictions. God bless you and your family. Others will come and share. (((HUGS)))[/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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