I apoligze for whining

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tater Tot, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. Tater Tot

    Tater Tot New Member

    I've had it. My daughter is nuts, bi-polar and ADD. She was living with me and I was taking care of her infant son until January when she left in a snit and I haven't seen the baby since then. I tried getting custody since I have a medical records going back years that she is unstable. In my state, a parent's past history is irrelevant and the only issue the court is concerned with is the child being abused or neglected right this minute. By the time I got a lawyer and a court date I had no idea where they were living or how the baby was. Two lawyers, one private investigator, one para-legal and thousands of dollars later I find out after only two court sessions I've lost. I don't know where they're living or with whom. The baby's father has two felony convictions for violence, at least one involving a weapon. Boyfriend before that was a convicted domestic abuser.

    My son says I make him sick. He thinks my daughter is still living with me so won't bring his kids by to visit. I've given up trying to contact him.

    I've been unemployed or underemployed for six years and I've only had two job interviews this year and didn't make it to a second interview with either. The last three companies I've worked for are closed.

    I've developed some health issues that two doctors tell me are stress-related.

    I'm sorry to whine. Nobody wants to hear about these things. Even when you pay them, lawyers just seem to make a bad situation more unpleasant. I've about given up. I keep trying to convince myself I don't care but clearly I'm wrong.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    typical teen, I am very sorry you are going through this with both of your adult kids. It is a very painful place to be. I understand.

    At this point, in my experience, all you can do is detach and take care of yourself now. You may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here. Your children have made their choices and even though your grandchildren are not available to you right now, you are powerless to do anything about that. Realizing that powerlessness is very difficult but it also holds the possibility to get you out from under trying to control what you have no control over.

    My best advice to you would be to find a good therapist, go to 12 step groups, (codependency or al anon whichever you believe is appropriate for you), or any kind of support that is just for YOU. The focus on our kids becomes like an addiction in and of itself and at some point we need to focus on our own needs and desires. It's a process, it takes time, but it becomes necessary for our own health and well being.

    Take care of YOU now.
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    We deal with these issues every month at NAMI support group. It is for loved ones of people with MI.
  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    No need to apologize. You are hurting and we understand. You've gotten wonderful advice from the posters above. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.