As many of you know in 2015 DS perpetrated domestic violence on my wife at our home. I witnessed it, and ultimately found this board to help me cope with the aftermath. I must stress here that to the best of my knowledge DS never apologized to my wife for his actions. The incident was never discussed after it happened. It has still not been discussed. He was carted off to the hospital afterward but not arrested. There was therapy, but never a session where the incident was processed and feelings aired. He stopped talking to us shortly thereafter. He has not been alone in our home with us since this occurred. We began seeing him again last spring, but always in a large group of other relatives. I must also stress that my wife is quite aware of how upsetting this experience was for me. Strangely enough even though she is the one who was attacked, she gives no indication that she finds it unacceptable, that she wants him held accountable. To the contrary, her position is that she loves him, forgives him and wants the whole episode swept under the rug. Today my wife announced that he was coming over Sunday for an extended visit alone. She invited him over without discussing it with me. In her mind, the situation is ancient history. She thinks I need to just move on. She doesn't understand or honor that I still feel very unsafe with DS, especially in a setting where there aren't other people around. We had a discussion about this whole situation this evening and she became very angry. She doesn't see the need to "ask my permission" to have DS over. She now wants me to "hash this out" with DS so I will be comfortable around him. She doesn't get that with his history of violence this is a conversation that can't happen outside of a therapist's office, and without some planning ahead. He does not take criticism well and broaching this subject with him would probably be a horrible scene for everyone. Not that I am going to pander to my wife in this way. While I cannot control what she does with her safety, I can definitely control my own, and I intend to. DS has been doing somewhat better lately but because I have no evidence to the contrary, I believe he is still capable of violence. I have no desire to put myself at risk of harm by inviting him over, alone. Seeing him in public or in a party setting with other people around is different. He is much more likely to act out when alone. I don't know what to do about this. I am disturbed by my wife's nonchalance about her son's violence toward her. I am more disturbed that she made these plans without discussing them with me. I will not participate in a dysfunctional family system that is broken beyond repair, because my wife doesn't think there is a problem. That leaves me very few choices unfortunately. I will need to either make other plans for myself when he is around (thereby kicking me out of my own home, which isn't fair) or I will need to accept that I am not safe or respected here and leave. I could use some advice and virtual hugs. Feeling hopeless right now.