I bit the top off of my pen - grrrr

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Jan 29, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So..............here is my long vent. :sad-very:

    There is a girl that I was trying, as her manager, to counsel on poor work performance. She blew up at me and stormed out of the store. The next day, the actual store manager decided that we needed to talk with her, as him being the "mediator" and with the intent being "conflict resolution" per my companies protocol. Ummm.....I don't remember doing anything wrong??? And I need a mediator? But because she had a problem. Umm - OK.

    So I apologized, with everything I could muster - and then asked her how I could be a better communicator for her to be able to really here what I am trying to say.

    We talk for a bit - and I say something about the company needing her to be at a different level with her work ethic. She blows up again. Red faced, clenched fists, spittle. I, again, sit there flabbergasted - and my manager says, "well, Willow, maybe level is not the right word exactly. X, what Willow probably means is blah, blah, blah."

    OK. I bite my cheek, literally until it bleeds, so I do not loose it.:919Mad:

    Another 2 rounds of this scenario, and I just shut up, and proceed to bite the end off a bright pink high liter - while nodding, trying to smile, and agreeing with whatever the 2 of them said. The minute it ended I went to my car and sobbed. Big, convulsive sobs. Not really tears - just big heaving sobs. It was horrible.

    I am worried that -
    A) I am so much more emotional than I used to be. I really thought I was just going to burst into tears and lose my ****ing mind. It scared me.
    B) I know I felt unbelievably emotional because I felt demeaned, unsupported - and is if I was getting in trouble for something I did wrong (although I did nothing wrong) in front of not just a peer, but my employee.
    C)This girl literally hates me. HATES me. And I have no idea why. The resolution to the situation is that "she will do what I say because I am her boss."
    But there was not love in that statement, obviously.
    At the end she turns to me, and says, I would appreciate it, if when you talk to me you use " I statements". Uh, what are we in a therapy session???:biting:

    I went back to my manager, and told him how this all made me feel. He apologized and told me that I was a great leader, and communicator, and that obviously this girl really, really does not like me, although he could not figure out why.
    Um OK........then why did you tell me I was "not using the right words" in front of her, and placate her with whatever she wanted to hear?
    He answered me in another apology, and a convoluted answer - and then told me to choose every word I use with her very carefully, and it should not be a problem.

    Just give me a gun! Choose every word carefully? What should I do, run my words by the local psychiatrist for screening?:confused:

    I mean........I did not tell her to jump off a cliff, or call her names, nor was I even rude or my tone abrasive. One of the words I used that made her mad was when I told her she was not being a "team player" when she goofs off all day. My manager, was like, well maybe we should not use that word either Willow.........

    So now, I am going to go close the store tonight with this gem of a person. And I just want to throw something. I need nothing else to repress, I really don't. And I don't need to feel emotionally threatened or bullied in my work place, as I already do at home with difficult child. I really don't. I am so, so disappointed. And yes, this is the same place, where last week I had to fire someone and he threatened to physically harm me. And you know what? This is supposed to be one of the best companies in America to work for. Sooooooo dissapointed, and sad.:dead:

    If you got this far - thanks for listening.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Here's your "I" statement for tonight:

    "I think I should tell you that I need you to (insert what you want done here)".

    I think I'd leave it to: some people just won't like you. It has nothing to do with you personally, quite often it's in response to the fact that you are someone that they wish they could be, but aren't.

    Remember the "perfect" girl in high school? Perfect hair, teeth, skin, body? Bet she slept around...she hurts small children...kicks her dog...cheats on her boyfriend...

    get it? Maybe she thinks you're Perfect!

    So, if she loves to hate you, don't let her get under your skin. Start handing her assignments in writing that your boss has glanced over to make sure that you used the "correct" words and leave it at that.

    Good luck!

  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Oh, and by the way, the store manager "Just wants everyone to get along". Most men abhore having to fire a woman, so he's just trying to play both sides of the fence!

    My theory in a "nvt" shell!


  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Willow I'm confused.

    You are a manager. This person is your employee. This person's "work ethic" is poor enough to need couseling via her manager. This person's attitude toward you is disrespectful as well as hostile. Yet your boss sits down and decides to "mediate" or better put "placate" the situation by undermining how you word things to her, blah blah blah.

    And YOU haven't blown up at your boss yet???

    You're patience amazes me. Cuz I'd have went OFF.

    I don't care about this companies rep. I'd be giving boss a major piece of my mind. He just ruined the manager/employee relationship between you and this person, not to mention every other person in your employ. In just one meeting he distroyed any authority you had. Whoosh! Out the window it went. Cuz now all the employees know that if they don't like something you do all they have to do is go to big boss and throw a fit.

    I dunno about where you work, but a person acting that way toward a manager in most businesses would be fired on the spot. I can't believe this employee still has a job there. Amazing.

    If your boss has a boss I'd be having a LONG talk with them. YOUR boss is not management material. (to say the least)

    If that didn't fix the situation, I'd quit. Because as it stands.....I only see things getting much worse between you and the employees.

    If you REALLY don't want to quit, you can try Beth's suggestion. Do everything in writing, run it past boss first to cover your fanny. But in my opinion, even that isn't going to work.

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry this is such an aweful spot to be in. I might offer a suggestion.

    Office supply stores carry carbonless pads of paper that will copy the writing onto another paper. If you are going to write things down, use a pad of this paper. Keep ALL the copies because if you give it to her in writing she is going to ignore it, say she lost it and couldn't remember, or alter it.

    Ifyou have to give her a second copy of it, have her sign and date it. Andmake a new copy, do NOT give her the first copy.