Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762519" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I am so sorry. All I can say is, been there, done that, have the tee shirt.</p><p></p><p> Your son, however, is not like he was as a child of 7, and you will find that you can't help him unless he is motivated to do most of the work. He is an adult even if immature and childish. All of our kids are emotionally young. He is still an adult and big, strong, dangerous if he comes at you and he legally doesn't have to listen to you. And being an adult, he 99% probably won't listen to you. We give ourselves too much power with adults who are also our kids. We think we can mother them to health like when they were young. We can't. They won't listen and can get abusive. We have to take care of the only person we can control and that is ourselves. We have no control over anyone but us, not even a beloved child. </p><p></p><p>What we can do, all we can do, is learn to take care of ourselves and to react with calmness and sanity. We can serk therapy for codependency or go to a 12 Step Meeting for loved ones of addicts. Your sons chaos belongs to him, not you. You did not cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it (Narcotics Anonymous). Only your son, of his own desire, can help himself. You can learn to live with peace in spite of your sons problems. The more we try to get in their way, the more we fail to help them. If that sounds crazy right now, one day you will see that it's true. Then you will get help to heal because it is too painful/hard not to. Your son's journey will be his. You can't save him or make him better. But that is sometimes hard to believe. So I hope you learn this before I did. It almost destroyed my marriage and other kids. Took me ten years to let go. </p><p></p><p>I send lots of hugs and love and assure you that you are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762519, member: 1550"] Hi. I am so sorry. All I can say is, been there, done that, have the tee shirt. Your son, however, is not like he was as a child of 7, and you will find that you can't help him unless he is motivated to do most of the work. He is an adult even if immature and childish. All of our kids are emotionally young. He is still an adult and big, strong, dangerous if he comes at you and he legally doesn't have to listen to you. And being an adult, he 99% probably won't listen to you. We give ourselves too much power with adults who are also our kids. We think we can mother them to health like when they were young. We can't. They won't listen and can get abusive. We have to take care of the only person we can control and that is ourselves. We have no control over anyone but us, not even a beloved child. What we can do, all we can do, is learn to take care of ourselves and to react with calmness and sanity. We can serk therapy for codependency or go to a 12 Step Meeting for loved ones of addicts. Your sons chaos belongs to him, not you. You did not cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it (Narcotics Anonymous). Only your son, of his own desire, can help himself. You can learn to live with peace in spite of your sons problems. The more we try to get in their way, the more we fail to help them. If that sounds crazy right now, one day you will see that it's true. Then you will get help to heal because it is too painful/hard not to. Your son's journey will be his. You can't save him or make him better. But that is sometimes hard to believe. So I hope you learn this before I did. It almost destroyed my marriage and other kids. Took me ten years to let go. I send lots of hugs and love and assure you that you are not alone. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
Top