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Parent Emeritus
I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762666" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>For us we let go. Period. It's what we were told to do in therapy and NA plus Kay did not thrive with our help and people further down the road than us were no longer worrying about what letting go meant. For us we learned that for our daughter any "help" was too much and encouraged her to be child like. And to abuse us if she felt we were not helping enough. It kept blowing up.</p><p></p><p>Kay is homeless in a motorhome living on some piece of public land with her useless husband. They collect SSDI which they both got quickly plus they have food share and Medicare/Medicaid. They are no better off but no worse off than when we were buying homes and cars for them. They are still irresponsible however they do eat and have medical care.</p><p></p><p>My guess is that if your son doesn't change for the better with your help you also may decide not to "help." Eventually. We are happier now and very peaceful. Kay was chaos to us all. She just is not willing to do better although she had great support.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find your way in a peaceful manner. Abuse even by a child is never okay. You have the right to amend rules in your own home. Life isn't fair. It is not our job to care for abusive adults who won't take care of their own needs. If they harm us, we should take care of our own well being first. We should not fear that our child will harm either us or a beloved pet. We never let Kay live with us again after a violent, scarybepisode when she was in her early 20s. That crossed a forever line. We did provide her with housing for 10 insane years and that kept backfiring....</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762666, member: 1550"] For us we let go. Period. It's what we were told to do in therapy and NA plus Kay did not thrive with our help and people further down the road than us were no longer worrying about what letting go meant. For us we learned that for our daughter any "help" was too much and encouraged her to be child like. And to abuse us if she felt we were not helping enough. It kept blowing up. Kay is homeless in a motorhome living on some piece of public land with her useless husband. They collect SSDI which they both got quickly plus they have food share and Medicare/Medicaid. They are no better off but no worse off than when we were buying homes and cars for them. They are still irresponsible however they do eat and have medical care. My guess is that if your son doesn't change for the better with your help you also may decide not to "help." Eventually. We are happier now and very peaceful. Kay was chaos to us all. She just is not willing to do better although she had great support. I hope you can find your way in a peaceful manner. Abuse even by a child is never okay. You have the right to amend rules in your own home. Life isn't fair. It is not our job to care for abusive adults who won't take care of their own needs. If they harm us, we should take care of our own well being first. We should not fear that our child will harm either us or a beloved pet. We never let Kay live with us again after a violent, scarybepisode when she was in her early 20s. That crossed a forever line. We did provide her with housing for 10 insane years and that kept backfiring.... Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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I called 911 last week re my 20 yo. Looking for support and suggestions going forward
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