TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Of course, the "spat" was over my son doing his homework ... mostly the fact that he left it to the last minute.
I have been spending a lot of time with-my 81-yr-old cousin and I neglected to check the planner over the weekend. My difficult child needs help every step of the way, and I thought the tutor was helping with-that, but somehow this slipped through the cracks.
I offered to help print out photos from the Internet for his project on erosion. No matter what I clicked on, he shouted that he hated it and it wasn't relevant. You know when you can tell that the whole thing is going go bust? I got angry and yelled, fine, leave my office. My thought was that I would print out the pictures, put them on the kitchen table, and send him to bed, so he could work on it in the a.m. He could choose what he wanted, draw the rest, and he could type the rest in the a.m.
You know how I'm always complaining that husband ignores the situation when difficult child is disrespectful? Never comes to my rescue? I think he totalled all of the past situations and rolled them into one. He came running, and got into it with-difficult child, starting with-a shouting match (difficult child was calling me a b*tch, etc) and then they got physical. They ended up in our bedroom, and from my end, on the other side of the door, all I could hear was difficult child shouting and crying, for 2 min. straight, "Stop! No, no, no, no!" I imagined husband pulverizing him. (Turns out he was holding his arms back, which was escalating the situation. Sigh.) Then I heard a thump and a body going down the 3 steps in the bedroom and difficult child screaming his head off.
That's when I called the police. I thought, if I get in the middle of it, it will just get worse. And I've had it. I'm the one in Alanon. I'm the one in counseling. I'm the one learning detachment because it's all because I can't handle the situation. But here is proof positive that husband can't handle it and needs help and new tools.
The police took a full 20 min. to show up, by which time things had calmed down. husband was holding an ice pack to difficult child's nose and difficult child was sobbing uncontrollably.
I gave the police a brief synopsis of difficult child's background (they asked if he'd ever been to juv det, hospitalized, was on medications, in counseling, etc.) and I told them how the situation had escalated. They said there wasn't much they could do at that point but asked if they should talk to husband and difficult child and I said yes.
They went upstairs and spoke quietly for a few min. and then we left difficult child and husband, and talked b4 they left. Apparently one of the officers knows husband from the gym, and I said, "Can you please drop a hint or outright tell him to go to counseling to learn detachment?" He chuckled and said he'd see what he could do.
Now that I think about it, I think that officer is a patient of husband's, and this puts them in a role reversal. How awkward.
The good news is that husband admitted to me that difficult child is a teenager and a big guy now, and physical confrontations are not working, so he needs new tools.
difficult child woke up with-a roaring headache and I'm letting him go to school late, but not with-o doing the poster/report. I'm just taking it slowly.
I have been spending a lot of time with-my 81-yr-old cousin and I neglected to check the planner over the weekend. My difficult child needs help every step of the way, and I thought the tutor was helping with-that, but somehow this slipped through the cracks.
I offered to help print out photos from the Internet for his project on erosion. No matter what I clicked on, he shouted that he hated it and it wasn't relevant. You know when you can tell that the whole thing is going go bust? I got angry and yelled, fine, leave my office. My thought was that I would print out the pictures, put them on the kitchen table, and send him to bed, so he could work on it in the a.m. He could choose what he wanted, draw the rest, and he could type the rest in the a.m.
You know how I'm always complaining that husband ignores the situation when difficult child is disrespectful? Never comes to my rescue? I think he totalled all of the past situations and rolled them into one. He came running, and got into it with-difficult child, starting with-a shouting match (difficult child was calling me a b*tch, etc) and then they got physical. They ended up in our bedroom, and from my end, on the other side of the door, all I could hear was difficult child shouting and crying, for 2 min. straight, "Stop! No, no, no, no!" I imagined husband pulverizing him. (Turns out he was holding his arms back, which was escalating the situation. Sigh.) Then I heard a thump and a body going down the 3 steps in the bedroom and difficult child screaming his head off.
That's when I called the police. I thought, if I get in the middle of it, it will just get worse. And I've had it. I'm the one in Alanon. I'm the one in counseling. I'm the one learning detachment because it's all because I can't handle the situation. But here is proof positive that husband can't handle it and needs help and new tools.
The police took a full 20 min. to show up, by which time things had calmed down. husband was holding an ice pack to difficult child's nose and difficult child was sobbing uncontrollably.
I gave the police a brief synopsis of difficult child's background (they asked if he'd ever been to juv det, hospitalized, was on medications, in counseling, etc.) and I told them how the situation had escalated. They said there wasn't much they could do at that point but asked if they should talk to husband and difficult child and I said yes.
They went upstairs and spoke quietly for a few min. and then we left difficult child and husband, and talked b4 they left. Apparently one of the officers knows husband from the gym, and I said, "Can you please drop a hint or outright tell him to go to counseling to learn detachment?" He chuckled and said he'd see what he could do.
Now that I think about it, I think that officer is a patient of husband's, and this puts them in a role reversal. How awkward.
The good news is that husband admitted to me that difficult child is a teenager and a big guy now, and physical confrontations are not working, so he needs new tools.
difficult child woke up with-a roaring headache and I'm letting him go to school late, but not with-o doing the poster/report. I'm just taking it slowly.
