I can never score a homerun!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Dec 25, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Okay, in 15+ years of togetherness and 11 years of marriage, I have yet to figure out how to WOW my H with gifts. And it's not me. It's him.

    This morning we decided to wait until Thurs to open gifts when the girls get home from LI, all except one. So, I grab H's gift, the iPod Shuffle, and give it to him and he says, "oh".

    Me: What? easy child said you really wanted one.

    H: No, I was going to get a REAL iPod.

    Me...well, I just kinda sorta burst into tears.

    It doesn't matter what I bought. If I had gotten him the regular iPod, he would have said he wanted the Nano. Or he'd say he wanted the black one if I got the blue one. Etc. I can't buy him clothes because I've learned over the years that he's never happy with whatever we pick out for him, even if it's the exact same size and color he would have picked out.

    There were only 2 gifts we've ever gotten him that he actually loved and didn't say one bad thing about: A new charcoal master grill by Weber and an amazing Specialized mountain bike (which, by the way, he never EVER rides - he uses his old bike).

    No matter what, we can never score a homerun and it's more than just a little upsetting. You know, the best part about Christmas is GIVING a gift you think they will love, right?

    I hate to point it out, but he's just like his parents - neither one of them gets excited about anything. I used to search for the perfect gift for mother in law and then I realized that no matter what I bought the woman, she wouldn't like it. And as I'm typing this I realize that it's not because she hates me so much but because that's just the way she is. My H thinks it's awesome when people are low-key and idolizes, can't stop talking about someone he admires because they are "understated" - ugh. It's like mediocrity rules or something. Always be even keeled, never get excited about anything. I think when I open my mouth and start babbling away I scare his parents - they don't know what to think of me.

    H tells me EVERY year how much his Christmases stunk every year growing up and this year he finally told me why. He said that Christmas stunk because his parents were always such a drag and never got excited over the holiday. And you know what? He's turned out just like that. My Christmases growing up were not always rosy...we never seemed to have money, but thank God, my mom tried to make it special and it was. There was the one year when my ex-brother in law beat the daylights out of my sister and my dad nearly killed him and threw him out - that was a special holiday. And then, don't forget that my birthday is right after Christmas, so that always stunk as well. I've tried over the years and made a promise to myself that I will ALWAYS make the holidays and birthdays special occasions for my girls and my family. I never want them to look back at holidays and birthdays and recall a sad memory or a horrible event.

    H complains about how his family was growing up and yet, he's repeating history. And when I point that out to him, he denies it and says he's nothing like his parents. Ugh.

    I can't believe I cried, but it just hurts me so much to never be able to give him a gift that he just accepts and likes and is like Wow. And so I never got even ONE gift today. I finally told H that he could bring it back and trade it for a nano, but he says he doesn't think he'll ever use it anyway so he's just going to return it. Duh? So, the only big gift I got my H he doesn't like. After a horrible hour or so, H made breakfast, and after that I made Empenadas and we went to my neighbors house for an early dinner. Later a friend visited us for a while, then we went to a movie - Juno, which was great - and then home. H is now asleep, I am exhausted.

    What a crappy Christmas. I don't even want any gifts from H at all.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry your h was such a poop! Sounds like he has a definite problem with receiving presents. Hugs.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry this day stunk. It should NOT have. Is it possible for you and H to see a counselor of some kind, even your priest or pastor? This seems like it might cause a real problem in many parts of life. I am sending hugs,

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    husband and I have this same sort of problem. I think many couples do.

    husband says that both He and Jamie are idiots where picking out presents are involved so we (the women) need to be very blunt and tell them what we want.

    I dont think Im so very hard to read personally.

    I think he is harder because what he likes costs major money. I cant go financing boats or guns or things like that for holidays. And I dont know a dang thing about stuff that goes with those sports either. I inevitably mess up. So I go for things that benefit us both. Music I know he loves, clothing, a new cellphone, stuff like that. Im just not good enough I guess.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Personally, I think "How I Spent My Christmases Past" should be
    part of pre-marital counseling. :rolleyes: It is amazing how differently people are raised and what their expectations for the holidays are. I am married to a truly wonderful kind man who
    did not have happy holidays growing up. In fact :smile: he can not even remember ONE Christmas celebration.

    We have been married 31 years this month and although he is always eager for the children to enjoy the holiday...if we had no
    children I don't think he would ever comment if I skipped the tree, decorations, music etc.

    Lots of couples don't realize until after they have tied the knot
    that they grew up with opposite traditions...Christmas Eve vs. Christmas Day, stockings or no stockings, midday meal vs Pm meal,
    trips to relatives vs. entertaining relatives. Phew/Whew. It's
    amazing most families survive! :smile: DDD
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    DDD, you know you are so right!

    I really cannot remember exactly what all I got for Christmas every year but I know my parents made it exciting and I got lots of toys.

    husband, on the other hand, grew up in a large family that was very poor. One Xmas he remembers vividly getting a two liter drink, a candy bar and an orange. They did have more relatives than I did so they had big meals for Xmas dinner but his presents were much more sparse.

    Oddly though he never complained about me going what he said was overboard with the boys. The only thing he would have liked was if they could have had more family around. I dont get along with his side so we never go up there.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes DDD, you're correct - these are topics that should be discussed beforehand, but who is even thinking about that?

    What I have learned AFTER marrying H:

    His family does not celebrate big for birthdays, Christmas or Anniversaries. As a result, H does not see why I want to. His parents have never acknowledged my birthday or the birthdays for easy child and difficult child. They send H a check every year for $100, usually a little late and always from his dad, never his mom.

    Like Janet's H, we grew up middle class, but with all us kids and my dad's physical disabilities, my parents scraped by so while we didn't have a lot of gifts or toys, we always had the family together, had a big dinner and spent the day in our pjs just chillin or out sledding. I mean, most of our Christmas holidays were happy and content. None of them were like "Wow!". I don't always shoot for Wow either with my kids, but I do love watching them open gifts I know they will enjoy or wanted and to me, that's the whole point. I do like making it a celebration of some kind.

    H seems put off by the whole idea of not being able to work this week - you should see him, he's climbing the walls. I, on the other hand, enjoy being able to spend this week with my family, especially my kids and at home. I truly love being at home, even by myself. However, right now I don't even mind going into work for an hour or two just to get away from H. How sad is that?

    My H loves to look like the "big guy", you know, always be the big spender on gifts and I think he feels weird about receiving gifts. He's almost martyr-like, which I find very unappealing.
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I think my wife is often disappointed in me for being too low-key. Same as your H, I was raised to not be overly emotional, everything is very dignified and proper. wife was quite a shock to my parents, she is vocal and expressive and demonstrative. She has done me a world of good in loosening up, and has started them thawing too. I really love my gifts and the thoughtfulness that went into them, and I try to let my enthusiasm show more, but then I worry that I'll look like I'm forcing myself to act happy and then she'll think I was disappointed and trying to cover up!

    My wife is the world's best gift receiver. You could give her a lump of coal and you'd think it was a diamond from the way she lights up.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    JO -

    Tell him how you feel. It's NEVER to late. If my family is hellbent on dragging the holidays down next year? I'm going to go celebrate them with someone who wants to be happy and merry. Dude, my DF, my boss - all beyond bah humbug. Me? So drug down by the things around me - I know how you feel.

    I'd have made the Ipod a suppository and told him "NOW RETURN IT"
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    HWGA, thanks for sharing your story with me. I have had some impact on H, but the roots of his family dysfunction run very deep. It's all about maintaining that cool, unperturbed exterior...I think his mom is English, so maybe that is part of it! No offense against the Brits, but they ones I know seem to have a very reserved exterior. Whatever.

    Star, we did talk about it. He doesn't understand why this upset me. He says that I am the one who is being weird about it. I explained to him that he should have at least been excited and then maybe a day or so later suggest that he'd like to exchange it for something else rather than ruin Christmas morning. He just stared at me like I had 4 heads. I am just going to get him a gift card from now on. And some little things I know he needs or something.

    On each gift giving occasion, I become less and less excited about giving him a gift. He's ruined it for me. HWGA, I wish that I was able to turn him around like your wife has - God knows I tried.

    Tonight we're celebrating our Christmas when the girls come home and I'm sure it will all be okay. He can go return the stupid shuffle. I was thinking I would do it for him and then just give him the cash. hahaha.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Jo -

    My dad was the only person I ever knew that didn't want us to get him a Christmas present. Until I met DF. And over the years it has taken a toll on me personally. This year was the last one that I could take. And when I finally had my say about it - he listened.

    How about a think list. All year long instead of buying him something - you write it on a pad of things you THINK he'd like to have. Then on his birthday you have him look over your "ridiculous" list and then pick one. Then for Christmas - he picks another. If he picks NONE on both holidays - you circle the thing on that list that you would have gotten him - figure out what the price is - and BY YOURSELF SOME JEWELRY -

    If he continues to be Bah Humbug and honor traditions of Christmas past - at least you will have some baubles and bling. And every time you look at it - you will think fondly of him.

    I just dont know. lol
  12. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    we have always had a mixed bag at christmas. Various traditions. Mixed cultures/religions/blended family. Lots of stuff going on. My family always did christmas eve the more family the merrier so we always had extended family with us.

    As I got older we kept the same traditions Christmas eve. dinner family presents at midnite. As we got older we changed the time frame to earlier (cant stay up late anymore) My exdh family alway celebrated Christmas day as does my husband's family and my bro and sis in laws. So it worked for our family. Now the wrench has been when our kids are with their bio mom then we have to put off our at home stuff until the 26th after work.

    Now husband wants to skip holidays and travel. This is a nice idea but I think we may have to wait a few years till all the kids have other plans.

    Sorry your husband was such a bump on a pickle. While I can undertand his being reserved. The comments is what would have killed me too. I would have been bawling too
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    snort out loud - bump on a pickle :rofl:
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dirobb</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Sorry your husband was such a bump on a pickle.
    </div></div> :rofl:


    My sister told me that when he's being a poop, I should tell him to bite my @$$!! :rofl: I just thought that was a weird response!