I can't break free

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by It'sbeentoolong, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. I just came back from dropping my son off at the creek because I told him he had to leave. I made him leave because it dawned on me that he was not eating or drinking....so obviously he was using some kind of drug. He'll sneak back in when I'm asleep. I can't bring myself to call the police because I don't want to deal with that stress. Because my son is mentally ill as well as an alcoholic/drug user, he has had many run ins with the law. I've seen him get arrested numerous times for Drunk in public and it is the most stressful thing. I just cannot deal with having them come to my house to arrest him. I've done everything I could think of to keep him in a house / apartment (even buying a house for him). It has never worked out. Now I am in this loop of him coming to my home and staying until I give him a ride away. He was so crazy last week I went and stayed in a motel. I feel like I have to move away to get away from him.
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh my dear you are not alone. Too Long do you have any help or support for yourself. It's time to let go and let you son face his own consequences. Even with mental illness and addiction he is capable of making choices and he is making the wrong ones.
    What you have been dong to help comes from your heart, and has done with the deepest love.
    Please try to learn how to detach and set boundaries. This will be a help for both of you.
    Stay and keep posting.
    This is a tremendously supportive group!
    Be good to yourself.
     
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  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to our little slice of paradise:welcomecat:

    There is an article on detachment in the Parent Emaritus forum. That would be a good place to start.
     
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  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    it'sbeentoolong,

    Welcome. Here is the link to the detachment article. https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/

    When my husband went crazy, I had to take the kids, leave and stay in a motel many times. I can understand your feelings of not wanting to involve the police. Another option for you would be to get an order of protection against your son. Then when he comes to your house, the police would have reason to arrest him for trespassing. If you feel like moving is your best option, we will support you in that, too.

    I tried to do that with my meth-abusing ex husband. I planned the move for 6 months. I had everything loaded in cars and trucks by noon. I moved 5 cats, 5 dogs and 2 pigs along with all my stuff. It was a well orchestrated departure. The ex found me in three days.

    You deserve to have peace in your life, but you may have the fight of your life to get to that peace.
     
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  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome. You might try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters in many cities. They offer courses for parents which will offer you guidance, support, resources and information. You need support and understanding for you now. Give them a call.
    The article on detachment is at the bottom of my post here.
    You've already been thru enough, your mothers heart is exhausted. Take care of YOU now. Get support. Keep posting. You're not alone, I'm glad you're here.
     
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  7. I agree, NAMI is a great organization. I took their 12 week Family to Family course and have attended family group meetings at a different organization in town. My son was offered a housing choice through them, but refused. He claims he wants to be homeless....He'd rather be homeless than give up drinking and take medication. His idea of homeless means occasionally spending the night at his "camp site", which is nothing but a place he has buried a couple of items of clothing. He is so messed up that he can't even keep a sleeping bag in possession so he sleeps in the dirt. I have set up an appointment with a psychologist to help me go through this process of completely getting him out of my life. I know Step 1 is to find someone else to be his SSI representee, which is harder than it sounds. I wish I was stronger in this part of my life.
     
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  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so very sorry......I understand and know first hand how devastating this is for you. Going to the Psychologist is an important and valuable step for you, we are powerless to impact any change, we cannot fix it and we didn't cause it. Continue attending all the group meetings you can to provide yourself with continuing support as you maneuver thru.

    Do very kind and nurturing things for yourself....you're likely depleted, so it's necessary to fill yourself back up with care and support.
     
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  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My go to fantasy is to move to Seattle with-o a forwarding address. One of these days I might just do it.
     
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  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry you have to go through this. Please also go to regular alanon meetings. It is a great help to know you are not alone.

    We are here and will help with ideas and suggestions whenever you are ready. I suggest you change the locks and keep the keys hidden so he doesn't get one. I would do it sooner rather than later. That way you can keep a door unlocked until you are ready for him to not be able to get in. If you feel unsafe or actually in danger, or if you just suddenly get tired of it all and want him out, you can lock the doors, see that the windows are locked, and simply not allow him to come back in. It gives you the power rather than him.

    But it is just a suggestion. Around here you will find that we give suggestions but we understand that you may not take them. No one gets upset when you don't take a suggestion. We know that what we suggest may not be right for you or may not be right for you right now. You will get all sorts of suggestions and we expect you to only take the ones that make sense to you. It would be silly to try to take them all! So don't ever worry that we will get upset if you don't do what someone here told you that you should do.
     
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