I can't do this anymore...what are my options?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mattsmum, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    I sit here in tears...I just can't do this anymore. I have spent most of the past 8 years trying to fix this...and I can't. Just when I think things are better, they are not.

    I get no break with my husband. I hired a babysitter for last night for the first break we would have had in a LONG time. I had to cancel because difficult child had another rage and husband was angry.

    Today difficult child had multiple rages, all because things weren't going his way.

    I kept questioning if it is Gluten, because he had three pieces of toast this morning. He swore at my husband...he has never sworn before. I don't know where he picked that phrase up. Then I just cry...I am so tired of trying to figure it out. I want a normal life.

    What are my options? I don't want to give up my parental rights...I love him. I just can't live like this and we can't afford Residential Treatment Facility (RTF).
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I don't know the answers to your questions, but I wanted to send (((hugs))).
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, it could be gluten. You can buy rice bread at the health food store. But you have to get all gluten out of the house and not let difficult child eat buns on hamburgers, etc.

    Also, that babysitter you hired? I would have kept her and gone out by myself.
    It's not a "date" with-husband but at that point, who cares?
    Call her up again and start over.
  4. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    It could be the gluten???
    (glimmer of hope...lol)
  5. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    As far as not going out...I need to often fun "interference" between difficult child and husband. I don't like to leave difficult child home alone with husband.
  6. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    Bless your heart ...
    I totally understand. I have felt the exact same way many times. I too have a difficult child through adoption with a mood disorder. It is so very hard <u>most</u> of the time. Sometimes I so want to give up because I just can't do it for one more day....But some how a other day comes and we work through it. There are those thoughts in my head that I want to pack his bags or else I'm packing mine. But then I remember that God intrusted this child to me because he has faith in my abilities. Although I don't always have faith in my abilities, God seems to & pulls me out of the low times.

    I wish I had answers for you...I hope you can find some confort in knowing you are not alone. We are all here for you. I pray that one of the other Wize Warriors will have some brillant suggestions for you.

    Huge )))HUGS((((
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Can the adoption agency provide respite for you on weekends?
  8. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    The adoption agency we used for his adoption is no longer in business. Plus, I don't believe they offer that service anyway.
  9. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    What about respite care through your county? Or sometimes medical insurance companies offer respite care too. Typically the child needs to have an official diagnosis to qualify. Then you have to promise the respite worker so many hours a month with your child to make it worth their time. It can't just be watching your kid hear and there. I am a respite worker for my best friends daughter who has a szer disorder. I watch her 5 times a month so her parents can have quaility time with their other children or so they can go on dates with eachother. It's worth looking into.

  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Seems like an inpatient visit to the local psychiatric unit might be in order to have his medications and issues looked at and evaluated. in my opinion, it seems like there could be a lot more they could do with his medications that would prevent the rages from occurring daily, because I agree, this is not a way for anyone to live, neither you or your son.
  11. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    He was just in inpatient care at the end of June...for 12 days. That is where he got his bipolar diagnosis.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well, sometimes with a bi-polar child this severe they will add an anti psychotic like Seroquel or Risperdal to help temper the rages. This literally changed my lil guys life at about your son's age. Has psychiatrist mentioned this possibility to you?
  13. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    No, but thank you. We just took him off the Strattera because we thought that was making things worse. Things were better for a few days...until last night and again today.

    Tomorrow I am supposed to be adding 5mg Methylin 2x/day because that seems to be very calming to him. I will look into the Seroquel and Risperdal. Thanks so much.
  14. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    How long had he been off the Strattera? Is he in antidepressant withdrawal?
  15. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I wish there were more options, but unfortunately there aren't many out there. I'd contact some hospitals and and find out about agencies that offer respite. Maybe there is an organization that can send someone out to the home....Last spring we found an intensive outpaitent program which was from 4:30-7:00 pm three to five days a week. difficult child went there for about 12 weeks. It seemed to have an impact.

    Is he starting school tomorrow? Maybe the end of the summer and the start of the school year are getting to him. We had a rough evening ourselves....difficult child was upset so he decided to throw the basketball right at the window in our living room. Fortunately nothing broke....and rather than totally losing it which would totally escalate his behavior...we didn't make a big deal about it...but it is a BIG deal he can't throw basketball into GLASS !!! Thankfully he's asleep--

    What is causing the rages? If your son is not stable I would think about his requests/demands etc and prioritize your responses of what is acceptable or not.

    Abilify really helps my son with his anger--

    Sending hugs to you--hopefully tomorrow will be better
  16. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Gluten makes my child act like that. And it makes me want to act like that!

    Have you tried eliminating it before?

    Also, my daughter has an extreme reaction to milk. Are you still eliminating milk?

  17. mattsmum

    mattsmum New Member

    Thank you so much for all the advice. I do truly appreciate it. It is my only lifeline right now.

    Yes, both kids start daycare tomorrow because I am returning to work. To make things worse, they are starting at a new one because the one they went to last year does not provide transportation to Michelle's daycare.

    We took him off Strattera Wednesday. I don't know about withdrawal. I was told it would take 2 weeks to come out of his system.

    Yes, we are still eliminating dairy. Do you give your child a supplement to make up for the lack of calcium intake?

    I am thinking about eliminating gluten. His blood panel showed somewhat of a reaction to wheat...but not off the charts like dairy. The nat. dr. said not to worry about the wheat.
  18. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Antidepressant withdrawal can result in some very nasty mood swings and bad feelings. As the Strattera leaves his body and afterwards as he adjusts to not having it anymore, he can have withdrawal reactions which can be physical -- headaches, dizziness, nausea -- or psychiatric -- anger, aggression, restlessness, mood swings, all the behaviors are children are being treated for. Fun, ain't it?
  19. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I try to give my children a supplement for calcium. I am not always the best about passing it out and difficult child is not the best about taking it. She does drink calcium fortified oj.

    We have also experienced the antidepressant withdrawal. It can be worse than the original behaviour in difficult child's experience.

    I would try the gluten free diet if he had any reaction to wheat on his test. I would do all gluten at first and then add back in the rye, barley, malt, and oats to see if it is only wheat. A lot of people on the gluten free board start off with just wheat and end up needing to do it all.

    You might want to wait until the a/d withdrawal wears off to give it a try.
  20. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    Risperdal worked well for my difficult child. It really mellowed the rages and aggression. I learned though.. that it is a short term medication. My difficult child was on it daily for 10 months.. Be careful of rapid weight gain, high trigliserides and high cholesterol.