I can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I have come in here to escape, only to be followed by difficult child who is now standing at the counter with her back to me crying.

    She can't do anything. She can't go to school, but she doesn't want to do homebound or homeschool. She can't learn, but she doesn't want an aide and doesn't know how she learns. She can't do any of the things anyone suggests - she shoots everything down, without exception - because she "just can't do it".

    Every. single. night. This is all it is. And it's all negative and nothing works and nothing is going to work, and she's not going to be able to go to college or get a job or do any of the things she wants to do with her life.

    She doesn't know what to do, she says so, but she actively resists anyone making decisions for her. And by that, I mean she refuses to participate. You suggest ideas and she shoots them down. Then says she doesn't know what to do. Then she doesn't know how. Then she can't.

    I have no idea what to do anymore. And the thing is, nobody does.
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so very sorry. This whole situation really stinks--for both of you!

    I come here to "escape" too. Many times it is the only place I can go where I don't feel like I am the crazy one. Life with a difficult child can drive us over the edge sometimes.

    Does your therapist have any suggestions at all?

    What happened to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) idea?
  3. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    therapist said she feels like she's grasping at straws. Said I need to step back and force independence on difficult child. I'm trying and have tried for years. Yet we still have the constant...what I posted above. And I tell her exactly what I've posted above.

    Still working on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) thing. I have no clue.

    Right now? I want everyone out of my house.

    I asked easy child and DF to go to the therapist with me and they agreed. If they're going to complain to me about how I parent difficult child then they need to understand what we are dealing with. Because I am NOT having 18 year old kids telling me how to parent.

    I scheduled it 3 weeks out because they need to schedule off 2 weeks in advance. I let them know the day I made the appointment and reminded them twice. And guess what? They didn't do it and both have to work.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} You really need a break from this... I wish I had a meaningful suggestion to help. Is she medication compliant? If so, does she need an adjustment?
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugh! Our last therapist did the same thing--basically threw up her hands!

    And it sure seems like everybody has advice--but nobody is there when it counts. (Not even the docs...)

    It always falls on Mom.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    TM - She is still taking Celexa 20mg. She d/c trazadone 100mg because she said she didn't like the way it made her feel. That little over a week that she took it consistently was one of the best weeks she's had.

    DF - therapist hasn't thrown up her hands. She just doesn't know how to get through to difficult child, although she has made some progress. It's just incredibly slow. She has a regular luncheon with other mental health professionals where they discuss the "hard cases" and she is going to discuss difficult child and inquire about appropriate Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    That's good to hear. Hopefully you will get some answers soon. Both you and difficult child need some relief!
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Is there any chance for an inpatient stay or partial program while an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is located?
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Only if psychiatrist will have her admitted and I don't see her doing that.

    I finally got a call from Children's to schedule with their psychiatrists. I don't know how far out it will be, but at least I'll have an appointment. I'm really not impressed with the psychiatrist we have, and neither is therapist.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I was just looking at the website of the place we are going currently. They do offer Medical Model Residential Treatment, Psycho-Social Model Residential Treatment (not sure what those mean), Partial Hospital Care, and Day Treatment.

    psychiatrist just doesn't seem to get how serious this is. I'm going to have to get therapist to work with her.
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Well, I guess I would push difficult child's near complete lack of functioning at this point. Some things to think about (I don't expect the answers, lol!):

    How is she doing with daily living skills like bathing, brushing her teeth or combing her hair? Do these things require prompting?

    Is she putting on clean clothing everyday?

    Would she cook if you don't do it or would she just forage in the kitchen?

    How is she sleeping? Does she wake herself up with an alarm clock?

    Does she keep track of her school stuff even if she isn't doing the work?

    Is her room neat (for a teen) or completely beyond her ability to keep clean?

    Is she able to follow through on chores or responsibilities at home?

    Is she making friends and/or maintaining relationship outside the family?
  12. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Great list, T.M. My 14 year old difficult child doesn't do ONE of those things. This is getting serious.....
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great list TM.

    I dont even do those things! No wonder my GAF is so low...lol.
  14. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It just seems like unless she is delusional, psychotic, suicidal, having serious hallucinations or suicidal ideations.... and they can catch her having any of these!!!! LOL they are so reluctant to place out kids.

    I mean K has had 3 of these at times with "not so serious hallucinations" and they don't even consider placing her! LOL
    But sheesh you are at your wits end and are admitting it and your kid is admitting it!!!
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Taking on board what the therapist has said about difficult child being too dependent on you, I'm wondering if difficult child is simply hurting at you because she wants you to pull a rabbit out of a hat and make all the bad feelings go away, make it all better permanently.

    The trouble is, she is growing up (allegedly) and tis brings personal responsibility. But she is not making that leap to taking any personal control, she is trying to force you into allowing her to continue being a baby who needs to be spoonfed. But at some level, she also wants autonomy.

    How do you make someone understand that it's time to learn some independence and self-control?