I can't help but wonder

[susiestar]

if this will maybe be the wakeup call my gfgbro needs?

For my mother's birthday, we finally began sharing holidays etc... at my folks with my gfgbro. Today we got together there and I learned that niece is no longer living with gfgbro at all. He won't be around for xmas. He is leaving town because of all the tension/stress with his daughter. Says he doesn't want to go to jail for making her do homework.

While part of me aches because I can see the pain he is in, I also know his rage and how he expresses it. I cannot judge niece at all. Not after having to protect my kids from him and his rage.

My parents have offered to pay for therapy for him, and I pray he will get some help. Maybe this will be what it takes for him to see that the problem is really him and his anger. Until now it has always been me, and my 'inability' to handle anger that was the problem. About a year ago my mother finally said that she sees his rage and how it is a problem and it was creating problems between him and his daughter. I sort of figured that without me to rant and rage at, he would take it out on his daughter, but I could not stay in the line of fire. I think my folks now see it isn't 'just Susie' that is/has the problem.

What a strange turn of events, but yet one i predicted several years ago - back when his daughter was a toddler. It makes me sad. I thought I would feel guilty over this, but I just feel sad.

 

[nlj]

It is very sad. I hope he gets help before he destroys his relationship with his daughter. I am sure she would value you as a caring aunt who can understand the issues with her father.

There is nothing for you to feel guilty for. It's a shame that no-one listened to your concerns and your insight before now.

 

[susiestar]

I wish I was closer to her. Her mother loathes me. Years ago she promised me she would replace me in my parents' lives and she gave it a darn good shot. Almost succeeded too. Then my folks realized how sick and addicted she really is and we are slowly rebuilding. At least niece is seeing a therapist at my folks' insistence. when we cut gfgbro out of our lives, he then would not let us be around niece until my father told him no, that if niece was at his house, then I could come and see her if I was there.

I just hope her mom isn't letting her be abused by her boyfriends and that her mom doesn't totally ruin her by teaching her to scam people rather than work for what she wants. As it is the child is brilliant but is almost flunking out of school because mom is all about being her friend and not being bothered by her or parenting her. CPS has been involved over her attendance record and tried to blame gfgbro until the school said that when he had her she was never late or unexcused or even absent with-o a dr note, but mom drops her off an hour late 3x a week and picks her up an hour early 4x a week because mom doesn't like the traffic at school and waiting in line. It makes me sick.