My anxiety has been really, really high now for a very long time, and now I have no therapist. I have my mom to thank for that. She had gotten so sick of hearing about my health issues and anxiety, that she agreed to pay for a therapist twice a month. Since medications are no longer helping and haven't helped in quite some time, I took her up on it. I started seeing my therapist a few months ago. I was supposed to see her again last Thursday, but my mom suddenly told me last minute she would not pay for the visit. I can not afford it on my own. I told my mom that if I cancelled last minute, my therapist would charge a $50 late fee, which I definitely can't afford to pay, and my mom told me too bad, so sad. She will not be paying. I had no choice but to cancel. Now I'm stuck with no therapist and we hadn't even gotten to my health anxiety yet. So far all she has had me talk about is past boyfriends, my dad's physical and mental abuse, and my older brother's sexual abuse. Last week is when I was finally going to get a chance to tell her about how I have been obsessing over my health. In the last year, I have diagnosed myself with brain tumors, rabies, stomach cancer, cancer of the esophagus, throat cancer, and the list goes on and on and on. I am having terrible physical symptoms because of all of this. Take Friday, for example. All day long I was having scary heart palpitations, my heart was pounding hard and fast in my chest, I was dizzy and lightheaded, I had a terrible migraine, and I felt like I could pass out at any time. I don't normally do this, but I left work and hour and 15 minutes early because I couldn't take it anymore. I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some Tylenol for my headache, and while I was there I took my blood pressure. My blood pressure at the time was 186 over 110 and my pulse was 123. No wonder I felt like I was going to pass out! After I got home, I felt a bit better but still sick so I went to be early. I didn't have another panic attack till yesterday morning, and here I am sitting here with the exact same panic attack I was having since yesterday. Yes, my panic attacks last THAT long. Hours, sometimes even days. I am determined to make it through the full days of work since I left early on Friday, but it's not easy. After I get caught up on bills after Christmas, I can afford to start seeing a new therapist and pay for it myself. Then I am going to have to start ALL over again, with someone new, and tell my whole life story before I can get some help. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I can't catch a break. Darned my mom for cancelling out on me last minute!