I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Jan 12, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    So, difficult child is being 'homeschooled'. She attends a charter school that is taught online. She has teachers, etc.

    The only reason I'm doing this is because going to traditional school keeps her anxiety level at a constant high and then she spirals.

    But...I'm going to lose my mind. She depends on me way too much and I've never been quite able to nix that. I do make her do things for herself, but it's never without a battle.

    Now, she has to write a summary of a book. What you and I used to call a book report. She starts off with I don't know how to write a summary. easy child and I tell her what it is and she says that she knows that. So, fine...you know how to write a summary then. "NO, I DON'T! Everytime I wrote one last year, my teacher never liked it." Translation, her teacher had corrections. So, I told her to write it and I would review it with her.

    After 20 minutes of she can't write it because she doesn't know how, she finally starts to write it. She writes on paragraph that is supposed to be the summary for the entire book. Talk about brevity. Anyway, I asked questions like when, why, and what was the outcome (in relation to specific points in her paragraph). She gets angry and tells me I don't like it and she told me that she can't do this. Now she just walked in here and is crying and yelling saying that I won't help her. Without doing it for her, I do not know how to help her anymore. I've seen her write. I know what she is capable of.

    You know, I already went to school. I'm not writing it for her which is what she would love for me to do. She's a smart cookie. She just doesn't want to apply herself. Ever.

    We have so many episodes like this on a daily basis over schoolwork. I told her that education is a requirement, but homeschooling is a privilege and that she needs to do the work without a battle or she was going back to regular school. I did not sign up for this daily battle over doing her schoolwork.

    Ugh. If anyone has any ideas, let me know. Sending her back to regular school is really just trading one problem for another. But, I cannot do this anymore. I'm ready to rip my hair out. And hers, too.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    She came in here crying and yelling and I lost my train of thought. I sent her to her room to calm down because I have had zero patience the last two days (lovely fatigue...sigh) and we were just feeding off each other.

    The thing is, she wants me to hold her hand through everything. If we're working on math (her hardest subject) she'll see the lesson overview and yell (that whiny yell), "I can't do that! It's too hard!" Haven't even gone through the lesson yet to learn how to do it. Then when I try to help her she's in that same frame of mind that she can't do it and that's that. We'll go through this for an hour, then all of a sudden she calms down and we can get somewhere.

    We are in the approval process for a school-funded tutor that will come out and work with her once or twice a week. Because of my health I just can't do as much. And for my sanity, I need help with her with schoolwork.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't know H- I am going through this already with K.... Yikes!!! and we are only in Kindergarten... Yipee
    "I CAN'T"
    But she can.... it involves huge breakdowns, long talks, explanations, examples, more breakdowns, crying, and this is for like 10 math problems!!!

    Oh what am I in for????
    I am sorry... sending you a big hug!!!!
  4. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    Ahhhhh....we went through book summary he## in 5th grade with difficult child. I don't know how many hours I spent sitting at the table with her and ended up that both of us were so frustrated that I was ready to scream and she was crying. She just didn't understand it well enough. Her problems centered over questions like

    What was the plot of the story?
    What was the main character like?
    What was the theme?

    Or any questions that asked about symbolism or what the story meant to her. None of them were specific or concrete enough. If the book didn't have a sentence that specifically said what was asked, she had no idea. She only got the facts of the story...not anything that might have been implied.

    But, you said that you asked "specifics" so I don't know that I have any advice on this one. Could it be that as she's supposed to be writing a summary on the entire book that she doesn't know what might be important to put in or leave out of the summary and it overwhelms her?

    That said, I give you a lot of credit for homeschooling your difficult child. I have thought about that with my difficult child but I don't think I would have any sanity left by the end of the first day. When she had homework, it about killed the both of us.
  5. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I don't have any advice, I'm sorry :frown: I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you are going through this. I am very jealous too.... I couldn't even imagine homeschooling period...end of story. Hats off to you for doing what is best for you & your family. Sending good thoughts for an easier time with what you are dealing with.
  6. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I see that she has NLD tendencies and that would explain why she wants you to "hold her hand through everything". My difficult child is like this too. She's constantly asking for help with things that she doesn't really need help with. Where NLD children are very verbal, I think its their way of wanting/needing someone to verbally walk them through situations. It seems like overkill to us because we go through the same thing with them day in and day out but for them, where they have a hard time learning from their experiences, its a new situation to them almost every time. So, the book summary, even though she's done them before, its like she's starting from scratch for her....or at least thats how it was and is for my difficult child. While it explains it, its still frustrating for all involved. If you haven't read it already, a wonderful book on NLD is "The Source for Nonverbal Learning Disorders" by Sue Thompson...formerly titled "I Shouldn't Have To Tell You". Its really good and an easy read.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Thank you for the support, ladies.

    Tammy, thanks - I'll get that book. I'm also going to go back to nldontheweb.org (I think that's it) and refresh myself.

    I understand that she learns differently and it takes her longer to get complex concepts and that's why I've always walked her through everything. But it's her complete inability to handle frustration and then unloading onto me that wears me down.

    Then she does other things - like teaching herself to knit by finding videos online. She did that all by herself. So I know she's capable. But, that was something she wanted to do so she was motivated. Life is full of things we don't want to do, but we still have to do them. It's when I know she's capable, but just doesn't want to that I really get frustrated. I don't get frustrated when she can't find her way around. This kid really shouldn't leave the house without a GPS. She can cook and bake and knit, but she can't wash a pan by hand. :faint: Translation, she doesn't want to do it. She uses that 'I can't' thing too much.

    Life is going to be harder for her. She's going to have to work harder. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. It's not an excuse to not try or not do it.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Thank you, witz!
  10. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I hope everything goes well and you can get a tutor in. I find that there are a lot of areas where difficult child does better when "I" am out of the equation. Maybe she'll be less inclined to say "I can't" so often with a tutor.

    Yes, we go through similar with difficult child on her not wanting to do things that she is more than capable of and just doesn't want to. She would probably ask me to carry her to the bathroom if she thought I would.lol.
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    WG, it sounds EXACTLY like my son when we homeschooled.

    Maybe it is the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) diagnosis that is causing her to need someone to verbally walk her through things. I had never thought about that for my son. All I remember, is that my difficult children neediness was, and still is, enough to make me want to jump off of a cliff!!!

    Interesting points Tammy. I will have to read that book for my son.
  12. Mrs Smith

    Mrs Smith New Member

    Soooo frustrating - I completely understand! My difficult child does the same stuff. It's partly can't and partly "it's too hard" so I don't want to. Even using all the graphic organizers and visual aids doesn't seem to solve the problem of missing the big picture. You just can't teach that! No real advice to offer, only support. I admire your committment to homeschool - I could never do it.
  13. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    You might want to google about anxiety with both Singulair and Nasonex. Lots of people out there are reporting anxiety as a side effect of both those drugs.
  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Her anxiety has been around forever and is no different with the Singulair and Nasonex.
  15. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I know with difficult child 1 when we need/want her to do something and are pretty sure she will have a meltdown about it we sort of reverse it on her. By this I mean when you get ready to do something say I know you are going to have a fit about it and I am prepared for that so this is what we need done....

    Now I know that sounds real simplistic but it works with difficult child 1 because she will say no I won't (has to prove us wrong). I don't know if that might help at any time. Just a change of perspective.

  16. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    OMG!!!! I have so been there with my difficult child. She would have major meltdowns claiming that she did not understand. I would explain everything to her but of course would get the "Your no help" and blah blah blah. Throwing and breaking pencils, Books, The yelling, crying, You name it. I told her that I was going to get her on video and show it to her teacher one day. And Yep one day I did have the opportunity to do just that although she thought that I was having problems with the camera. Lol!! I got one of her worst meltdowns on video and did show it to her teacher. He was shocked, He could not believe it was my difficult child. After that I cannot recall anymore incidences even close to what I caught on video and I think her teacher (Thank god) saw that he needed to be a lil more thorough when explaining to her what was expected from an assignment. Yikes!!!! I also did the tutoring through the school district and it worked out well, I hope the tutor deal works out for your difficult child.

    Another option that I discovered was that our local library also had tutoring available (Free of cost) Many of the tutors were college students that volunteered for the program and I found that to work out quite well too.
  17. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    She got the summary done. Thank God. I sat down with her and while she wrote it, I did help her with ideas. She did a good job, too. I often wonder how much is NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) stuff and how much is self-esteem - or lack of it.
  18. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Totoro! We went through that with difficult child 1. Don't have her do all 10 at once. When she gets home try: snack, girl talk about the day and sit down to do the math. Give her 2 problems. at a time and then have her "run" around the table. Sometimes they get skiddish about what they consider an overwhelming task. 10 seems like nothing to you and me but to her it's "hours" before she'll be able to hit the tv, toys, outside or whatever.

    Make the girltalk about anything visual at school. New decorations in the classroom, someone's new outfit, who had a birthday party, etc. Let her tell you just so much, redirect to "let's just knock out a math practice example (don't call it a math "problem") and we'll get back to Missy's new outfit.

    Just a thought - worked WONDERS with difficult child 3!

  19. Lostparent

    Lostparent New Member

    My son has Non-Verbal Learning disorder and I go through the same thing.Everything has to be read to him and then explained step by step.It can get very frustrating.I homeschool him using the Time4Learning program.If he is having a bad day we will simply move on to something else for the day and come back at it tomorrow.Just remember that these kids really don't learn much in school so no matter what or how we teach them they are better off than they would have been!Think out side the box and try to be creative with the work.