I contacted him after 5 days

[Elsi]

I'm sorry triedntrue, of course that fear is on my mind. Although I don't really know what I can do if that is my employer's intention, except save my pennies. As in all things lately, I am just surviving a day at a time.

I survived two layoffs, December 2008 and December 2009, in the midst of the crash. While I was also in the midst of an ugly, terrifying divorce. If there is one thing I’ve learned, life does go on, even if it’s in an unexpected direction. I gave up on corporate America and started my freelance business after the second layoff and have never been happier, work wise. So save your pennies, but also start exploring your options if the worst should happen - or if you just decide you don’t want to take it anymore. Our real job security is not in our company but in our own skills, network and reputation. And if you put those to work, you’ll be fine, at any age.

 

[Elsi]

We learned Tuesday evening that Difficult Child recently married and has a 13 yo step-daughter. Hearing your son has married, and your first thought is fear & concern for his wife and step-daughter, is not a good feeling

I don’t know all the details of what you’ve been through with your son, but I hope and pray this will be a positive direction for him. Are you in contact? Can you form a relationship with your daughter-in-law and child?

A few years ago, N (son #2) was coming off of a difficult time - served prison time for drug charges, drunk and disorderly, assaulting an officer. When his parole was up he decided to move 2000 miles away to look for a fresh start. I heard nothing for months, and then he called out of the blue to say he was getting married to a woman with a 9 year old son and converting to Islam. He was 26 at the time. To say I was floored would be an understatement. I flew out for the wedding the next week. She’s from Afghanistan and very lovely. I was terrified for all of them - it all seemed like a very, very bad idea. But ... you never know. It has not been without some bumps in the road, but for the most part he’s stepped up. They have a son together who is turning 3 this fall. N fell off the wagon for a bit, but she made it clear she was not putting up with it. He’s been completely clean for over a year now, as verified by her. He’s working hard and finishing a trade apprenticeship. (I don’t think the Islam conversion stuck, but she doesn’t seem to care -I think that was more for her family.) She and her son have become very dear to me - they both call me all the time, more than my son does. The baby is, of course, adorable. I get out there when I can and the older boy spends part of the summers with me. N seems very motivated to do what he has to do to protect the family he has formed, even if it did all seem very sudden and ill advised at the time.

So...you just never know. As Copa said, there is always hope for change, if they find something they want to change for. Could this be it?

 

[bluebell]

Our real job security is not in our company but in our own skills, network and reputation. And if you put those to work, you’ll be fine, at any age.

Needed just this Elsi! husband also has had a lot of layoffs I've been the lucky one who has stayed with this company for so long. But with that, does come complacence and *gasp* a sense of entitlement. I appreciate your comment, I think it's really going to help me look at this from a more positive angle! Although I need to work on the network part, my skills and reputation (other than the 2 bozos I work for now) should be just fine! Sorry I hijacked my own thread!

 

[SeekingStrength]

I don’t know all the details of what you’ve been through with your son, but I hope and pray this will be a positive direction for him. Are you in contact? Can you form a relationship with your daughter-in-law and child?

Elsi,

There is nothing I would love more than this. Thank you for the kind thoughts. Who knows? It might happen.

Nothing is impossible.

Again, thank you.

 

[Littleboylost]

I think I have somewhat of a different take on all of this. When we kicked my son out when he was 18 I was ready to write him off and wait for him to contact me. A therapist suggest I not do that, instead that I text him now and then to keep the door open but don’t invite him home!! Well its been 8 years since then and we certainly have been up and down on the roller coaster.... including time with him homeless and in jail. But it has kept the relationship there and when he has wanted and been ready for help he asks for it. I really believe that him knowing we love him, even with all of his screw ups, has helped keep him alive.

So I think there is nothing wrong with texting him now and then and asking how he is doing. Nothing wrong with letting him know you care and that you love him.

The trick is not getting too invested in his response.... it is his life and his journey and you cant figure it out for him. But nothing wrong with letting him know you are there in the background, loving him and willing to help him when he is ready for it.

And if he turns abusive then hang up the phone... certainly no reason to take his abuse.

TL

Letting go with love perfect example of this.