I'm really having a tough time lately detaching from worrying about the path my Youngest is taking. As I've posted before, she's engaged. The boyfriend is a decent enough guy, and has been really good to her, but there seem to be an increasing number of "red flags." The problem is that she calls me to confide and ask advice, so I hear *all* of it. I give my advice, and her response varies... sometimes she seems to really get it, other times she argues with me about my opinion. The times she does "get it," inevitably, her viewpoint changes within a day or two, after talking to the boyfriend again. The issues are really too much to go into here. But the bottom line is, they seem unable to work out differences on many key issues including discipline of my grandson, and financial responsibilities. She is frustrated, he shuts down and won't talk about them. They make quick decision based on short-term solutions, with no long-term (yeah, some of that is their age). The icing on the cake was yesterday when she called me about a dog they'd adopted ... the boyfriend is NOT a dog person, only adopted the dog to make Youngest and my grandson happy. When the dog began to develop behavioral issues (e.g., peeing on Youngest's bed), I asked there was a lot of yelling in their house .. and it seems he does yell, constantly. He also jokes about being mean to the dog when taking it for a walk. They have to get rid of the dog, no question. What she's described to me is borderline abuse, in my opinion. And a man who who be mean to an animal? Can't be too far from being abusive to my daughter and grandson, despite the fact he's not shown that behavior in a year. They've rented a house, at least, he has.. it's in his name. She's giving up her day care assistance, her food stamps, her Section 8 housing allowance... breaking her lease (he's paying close to $2,000 to help her do that) and moving in with him. She works 20 hours a week at a day care, is unmotivated to find a full time job. I think she likes being "taken care of." He supposedly makes more money than I do, yet has no savings, and owes an undetermined amount of back taxes. I just see this as a trainwreck in progress. There is nothing I can do to stop it. I don't feel there is any immediate "danger" to her and my grandson ... I'm just scared to death of her ending up in a bad situation, if not abusive, then at least ... trapped. It's not my problem, I keep repeating. But each time she calls me and vents, I get sucked in more. Part me wants to tell her to STOP telling me these things.. I've already had the "don't ask me for my advice if you don't want to hear it" talk. She made a half-hearted attempt to go back to county mental health, and never made it past the first appointment. She dislikes the idea of goin back to therapy. She politely rejects my suggestion to talk to our old pastor, who she's recently reconnected with. She totally depends on ME for her "counseling" ... I see that now. I allowed it to happen, I guess. To top it off, I recently let Oldest stay with me, very temporarily .. that's a subject for a whole other post. I'm giving her maybe 2 months, and that's it. I'm having dinner with Youngest tonight, just the two of us. I'm torn about this.. I'm thinking of telling her to just stop calling me about her problems.. but that feels so wrong, so anti-Motherly. But it's killing me right now.