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I Detached...All at Once
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<blockquote data-quote="GoingNorth" data-source="post: 655750" data-attributes="member: 1963"><p>Cedar, it does feel like a weight has lifted, or at least one weight has lifted.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, the other shoe dropped a short while ago. I got a call from mum.</p><p></p><p>Turns out her brother, my uncle, saw the announcement on FB and called her to offer his congratulations and to ask if a date had been set.</p><p></p><p>So, mum found out that it had been posted on Facebook and she hadn't yet been told.</p><p></p><p>Sister called later that evening and I gather it was a rather "rough" conversation that dragged up and awful lot of old baggage on both sides.</p><p></p><p>The awkward part was when mum asked me why, if I'd seen the news on FB, *I* hadnt' called her. I told her I didn't know if she knew or not, but anyways, it was sister's place to make that phone call, not mine, and that I figured mum would call me as soon as she knew.</p><p></p><p>The whole scene brought to the fore a 30 year old guilt trip that sister laid on mum, when she told mum that the reason she married a man she didn't love when pregnant, was that she didn't want mum to be mad at her for having kids out of wedlock.</p><p></p><p>At that point, mum apparently finally re-grew a pair of what the doctors removed 20 years ago, and blew her stack, refusing to be blamed any further for sister's decisions.</p><p></p><p>I let mum vent for a bit, let her cry for a bit, and told her gently that there was nothing I could do or say to make her feel any better. That SHE was the only person who could make herself feel better...that it had to come from inside, and that at nearly 81 years of age, it was time she started living for herself!</p><p></p><p>(Gah! I am absolutely exhausted...and saddened...and starting to wonder if sister isn't a bit Borderline along with the BiPolar (BP). She's certainly been gaslighting mum for years and years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GoingNorth, post: 655750, member: 1963"] Cedar, it does feel like a weight has lifted, or at least one weight has lifted. Unfortunately, the other shoe dropped a short while ago. I got a call from mum. Turns out her brother, my uncle, saw the announcement on FB and called her to offer his congratulations and to ask if a date had been set. So, mum found out that it had been posted on Facebook and she hadn't yet been told. Sister called later that evening and I gather it was a rather "rough" conversation that dragged up and awful lot of old baggage on both sides. The awkward part was when mum asked me why, if I'd seen the news on FB, *I* hadnt' called her. I told her I didn't know if she knew or not, but anyways, it was sister's place to make that phone call, not mine, and that I figured mum would call me as soon as she knew. The whole scene brought to the fore a 30 year old guilt trip that sister laid on mum, when she told mum that the reason she married a man she didn't love when pregnant, was that she didn't want mum to be mad at her for having kids out of wedlock. At that point, mum apparently finally re-grew a pair of what the doctors removed 20 years ago, and blew her stack, refusing to be blamed any further for sister's decisions. I let mum vent for a bit, let her cry for a bit, and told her gently that there was nothing I could do or say to make her feel any better. That SHE was the only person who could make herself feel better...that it had to come from inside, and that at nearly 81 years of age, it was time she started living for herself! (Gah! I am absolutely exhausted...and saddened...and starting to wonder if sister isn't a bit Borderline along with the BiPolar (BP). She's certainly been gaslighting mum for years and years. [/QUOTE]
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