I didn’t want to join that club.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Sam3, Nov 5, 2017.

  1. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Of those who had to call the police on their own child.

    I haven’t even wanted to think, speak or post about it.

    In the fewest words: he came home at 4 am raging just after he raged at his exes’ place and was tossed.

    Forced a lock. Became abusive and threatening, threw a bottle, tore a door off a hinge, rushed my H who clipped him in the lip, blood, 911, threw a couple punches and H wrestled him to the floor and pinned him. When he wouldn’t stop threatening and struggling, we had to call down our high schooler to help restrain until 6 squad cars arrived. Middle school daughter screaming trying to reason with him from upstairs. “I’ve always believed in you.”

    It was apparently a paradoxical reaction to lots of xanax.

    He says he hardly remembers it and is remorseful. Says he won’t ever do xanax again.

    We are traumatized.
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh Sam. I am so sorry you and your family have been through this.

    doctor #2 after pot for my son is Xanax and the dirty street Xanax as well.

    I have been through the Xanax rages and loss of memory with him too many times.

    His memory is shot completely shot.

    It is the haredest thing we as parents will ever do.

    My heart is with you and your family. Do something to heal the pain. It is so unfair.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry that you went through that but you did the right thing. Your family's safety is paramount.


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  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    i am only seeing this now, sam, after i saw your reference to a security guard ????

    i am so sorry.

    sam. where is he now?

    beit tshuvah says they'll take any young person, any faith or no faith. they are a highly acclaimed treatment program.

    i believe my attorney's son went there. and he is now a rabbi!

    if you are nearby there, would you want to speak to the rabbi?
  5. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Unless Beit T’shuvah is Hebrew for “hedging my bets on whether God is real,” I doubt he’d sign up.
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    there is brute force (of the spiritual kind.)

    my son came home. nightmare too strong a word. ongoing hand to hand combat too mild.

    i told him. not clean in 10 days? you're out (of the rental.) he smoked yesterday. he cannot stop. i do not think he has control. his personality changes more and more--for the worst. he is hardening and arrogant. m says he is psychologically abusive.

    i will call tomorrow teen/adult challenge the christian program where rn's son is. i told my son who is anti-religion. there is no way he will embrace this kind of program i know this.

    i do not care. he will have to go somewhere.

    m keeps saying i have to face this and do something that works to change my son. what???

    i feel like i am a desperate game show contestant trying to divine the right answer.

    i hope my son will not choose the street.
  7. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    And if they don’t remember it, then they think they just hit the reset button? F that.

    I realize they’ve been drugnapped (great word,by the way, LBL) and we’re not supposed to shame and blame, but we don’t survive this by developing Stockholm syndrome, right?
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  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    t'shuvah means return to the divine presence within each of us. this is what i am learning.

    it can also mean forgiveness.

    and other things too.
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  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    it is so so hard.
  10. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    So sorry Sam. No parents should have to go through this, we have.
    My older son had to wrestle the younger one down to restrain once, we put him in the car, drove 45 min. to a psychiatric facility only to be turned away as he wasn't "bad enough". A long drive home that was. We later called police to our home at 2am when he came home abusive, crazy drunk and/or on whatever. I sat on porch and cried to see officers put him face down on our lawn to handcuff him, a picture forever burnt in my mind. It's strange, now 10 yrs. later, I still remember all the stories, he remembers none.
    You did the right thing. Your son's making poor adultlike choices, you are protecting your family.
    It's not shaming or blaming to allow adult consequences for adult choices. If he had been a stranger, you would have called police. He's a stranger. This isn't the boy you raised but the man he is now. Hopefully not the man he will always be...but this day you brought him a step closer to manning up. You did the right thing. It certainly was not the easy thing. Hold tight, you'll get through this.
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  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    This always seems to be the case. Just how bad do they have to be? I am so tired of the broken system letting or AC with MH issues fall through the cracks.

    The head and the heart always battle when we do the right thing and it feels so bad, so hard and so wrong.

    Sam it is the right think to do and I agree there is no blame, shame or guilt to be had here.

    Please step out of the FOG and know you are doing the right thing. The only thing you can do that will protect your family. And the only thing that will lead your son to help one day.

    Stay strong we are all with you.
  12. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    It feels wrong to give 'advice' when I still come here for it myself but for what its worth I feel you did the right thing. It's just the hardest stuff all of this and I feel your pain. I am always looking for ways to run away or block it out but everyday I get up and its still there, the churning stomach, the fear and anxiety. Thoughts are with you right now. xx
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  13. Duli

    Duli New Member

    my heart goes out to ALL of you ! because I know what you all struggle with on a Daily basis .. I am making a commitment to go to my 12noon Alanon meeting today (which is extremely hard) because for me it has been hard to take the focus off of my Abusive Son and Daughter and direct it where it NEEDS to be.. ME. I cannot change my 28 yo Son or my 37 yo Daughter .. I have devoted all my sanity, money and love to them both and it will not change them to be happy, healthy and CLEAN ! today I am making a conscious effort to start taking care of myself ..for years I have left many of my own issues left "unchecked", ESPECIALLY Spiritually ! I do regress, but I pick my self up, shower and start over.. One Day at a Time..
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  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    So sorry you had to go through that. Horrible is the only way to describe it.

    I remember when my son was on a 4 day benzo binge and drinking. Wanted more benzos that he was abusing but had been subscribed by psychiatric for anxiety. Ugh what a mistake.

    We had to call the police. Then son threw his shoes on our roof (?). He ran so older son chased him. He fell into creek. Older son brought him home. He was on ground wrestling with police. His pants came down. We could see his entire mangoods. Finally got him into ambulance that had come that I guess police called. Was spitting and swearing at everyone like a wild animal. They put a bag thing over his head. We were on a main street down the block from my home. If you knew how shy and quiet my son is and saw this person that he had become that day, it was mind blowing. It was so traumatic for me that I will never forget it as long as I live.

    He was in a psychiatric ward and detox for a few days. I never looked at him the same after that. That was many years ago.

    Honestly have asked myself many times why all these bad things have happened to our family. We just want to be happy and normal.

    You know we get it and are here for you.
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  15. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I wish I didn't know this. I do intimately. What we have seen no parent or sibling should see.

    My son always says I am so suspicious, if he only knew how anxious and on edge I am evey time he is around, they just don't get it.
  16. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    What a scene. I am so very sorry that you, and your other children, were subjected to such a horror.

    We have called the police on DS after YS called from their father's house, terrified, while DS was in the middle of a rage against his father.

    I hope your son gets the help he needs and that you can love him while at the same time, protecting your other children.
  17. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Thank you everyone for your kindness

    I don’t know how to multiquote but thank you RN and So Ready in particular for sharing your very similar stories. I’m certain that’s on my hard drive forever. My son was in his boxers with blood dripping out of his split lip screaming, “look at what your husband did to me.”

    What I didn’t say because I wasn’t engaging was:

    “Uhh, that’s your father, son. The most gentle man on earth and you’ve pushed him to the brink. You’re lucky he didn’t try to land a real punch. He can bench press both of us.”

    I had been on the site prepping myself for more madness. I was not at all surprised that my kid could show up at the door, abusive and violent. That’s what they do.

    But even when you understand it cognitively, there is no emotional baseline.
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