I just got off the phone with my 35 year old son and my head is reeling. I know he is unlikeable and self-centered and probably a bit narcicistic and I know he swears at me when he's angry at something I say and that he depends on me emotionally more than somebody should who has reached middle age. But I didn't think he was a bad parent...call me blissfully ignorant. He lives two states away and I want to pretend he's doing a good job with his little boy, whom he has half the time and whom he loves so much that I think he's suffocating him and making poor choices. If you're still with me, here's the story. No, it's not as bad as though he were a drug addict and I apologize for that...it may seem minor to some of you parents. But it's just more verification that my son thinks of nobody but himself first, even when it comes to Grandson. Last night he called me in tears. He told me that his X had called him, upset because J. (grandson) was clinging to her and told her that Daddy says some things that upset him. Understand, J. is four years old, but he is extremely verbal, highly intelligent, and very able to express himself and he has a good memory. Apparently, sometimes J. makes a mistake when he's with my son and calls him "Mommy." Well, when he does this, my son has been saying to him, "DON'T CALL ME THAT! IF YOU LIKE MOMMY SO MUCH I'LL TAKE YOU BACK TO MOMMY. DO YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE YOU NOW?" He also won't let J. tell him anything he does when he's with his mother and her boyfriend "because it will hurt me and make me cry." So J. is afraid to bring up his mother or her boyfriend. He'll say things like, "I want to tell you something, but it's a secret" a nd he shuts up. If he makes the mistake of saying anything, my son tells him he doesn't want to hear it because it will make him sad (who is the child here?) I guess J. asked my son why he couldn't take him to a carnival? Son is good about making sure all his time is focused on J., but he rarely leaves the house with him, claiming he has no money. Well, he told J., "I can't. Mommy takes all Daddy's money." At the same time when he says things like this he tells J. "Don't tell any of this to Mommy. It's a secret." I know he has also made fun of his ex wife and her boyfriend's weight in front of J. And when my son is talking to me and gets angry at me, he will use the eff-bomb to me in front of J. And I heard him once direct the eff-bomb towards J. It shocked me. I never used that around my kids. I know he doesn't hit his son. Neither he or his ex ever spanked J., but words can be just as bad or worse. My son actually felt that J. betrayed him by telling his "secrets" to X. I got all over him and told him that you don't tell a child not to tell his parent anything. It took a while to convince him that a four year old did not "betray" him, but that he was just upset by some things he was being told by him. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!! This morning, my son called me again before going to work. Yes, since the divorce he has been calling me up to five times a day and sometimes I answer and sometimes I'm not in the mood. This morning I answered and he told me he feels like he just lost J. I told him he is catastrophising a nd to just apologize and let him talk about what he wants to talk about from now on. He said, "But it makes me feel like crying." Excuse me, but my son is 35 years old and J. is 4. Son said, "I t hought we had a special bond and now I feel like it's broken." He really believed that he and J. were bonded and that J. didn't like his mother as much as him. I told him he had to put the child first, not himself and too bad if he didn't want to hear about what J. did while with his mother. Then son had to go and I was relieved and I'm not going to talk to him for the rest of the day. He is exhausting, more tiring than all my other kids put together. Why does he call me 24/7? "You're all I have." He's right. He has no friends. None. He rarely leaves his house, even with J. No wonder J. wants to go places when he's with my son. And my son makes a lot of money. Not a fortune, but around 80K (which is a lot in the area he lives in) and he got a 20K bonus last Christmas. I know he pays child support, but he has NO money? Maybe he doesn't. I don't know. I don't care. I just needed to share my frustration with this Man-Child. And he wonders why he can keep any girlfriends!! Gee, I wonder...I'm sure, although he hasn't confided in me, that he also yells at these girls when he's mad at them too. Or hangs up. He's in for a lonely life if he doesn't change and I can't change him.