I do believe another car has been blown.
- Thread starter Shari
- Start date
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
All of which reminds me that it is time to schedule the 3K mile oil change for my Toyota 4 Runner. A good Toyota will run for over 200K miles if you keep up on the scheduled maintenance.
I had one years back that made 297K miles on the original engine and transmission. We unloaded it because the springs were sticking through the seats. Guy who purchased it did so for parts. Drive train was fine; the interior was shot.
I had one years back that made 297K miles on the original engine and transmission. We unloaded it because the springs were sticking through the seats. Guy who purchased it did so for parts. Drive train was fine; the interior was shot.
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
I told him he needs to borrow a vehicle from his folks. He said no, that it was stupid for him to drive one of theirs when we had a perfectly good one sitting here.
I said "WE" don't have a perfectly good one here, "I" do.
DEX's parents help me out often. His mom watches Wee in the afternoons as much as she can, til we get this school situation figured out. If my car breaks down, they loan me theirs. When we went to Alabama this spring, I had to fix a headlight in my truck before we pulled out. I mentioned it to exMIL as I picked up Wee that afternoon, and a couple hours later, she and exFIL showed up with their car and a coupld hundred bucks. They told us to get, and have a good time. When I got home, the headlight was fixed, too. They aren't rich, but they do nice things often. She'll make a casserole and bring it by for supper, or buy the big box of fried chicken and drop it off here. I could not have made it without them, and I despise husband for what I see as taking advantage of them. They help me as much as they can, and they don't have to do squat. And there he sits, playing disposable cars. It makes me feel so trashy.
Anyway, when I told him it was pretty sad when the ex'es are so willing to help and he can't even put forth the effort to take care of what we have, and I resented his abuse of their help. (Heck, husband was mad yesterday because they returned a joint-owned hay elevator to us that exFIL brought it back and coudln't get it in the barn by himself. I can promise if it hadn't come back, husband would have been equally as ticked off...). He yelled at me that he's sorry his family isn't up to my standard's and rich.
WTH? Rich? Who's rich? My family would be if they ever sold the farm. But that's my family. NOT me. They help if I need it, but sheesh...husband's parents give him and his sister FAR more than i get from anyone, so what does family money have to do with anything? OMG.
He has also yelled at me tonight that I must have damaged the car by changing the oil last week.
Remember that commercial lawnmower he bought 4 years ago? I pointed out he hasn't even changed the oil in it. He drives is twice a week, all year round. During mowing season, it mows our yard (3 acres), his folks' yard, and sometimes the church. He has changed the oil in that thing (drum roll please) TWICE. And he got bent out of shape because I said once.
Twice, in 4 years. And he wonders why it wont run very well now, either. The past 2 summers, it dies at random, particularly on hillsides. He just turns up the choke and keeps on driving it instead of looking into the problem and fixing it.
I'm a dang far cry from perfect, but darnit, I try. 8 years ago when the gas prices went up, I didn't know ANYTHING about cars. Gas ate my budget, so I either had to learn, or give up the horses. I'm not perfect, but I try. I have 4 close friends who are mechanics, so advice and help is not far away. And dag-nabbit, I open the owner's manual in the glove boxes and read the maintenance sheets every now and again. I dont follow them to a T, but I follow them.
Our dryer broke about 4 months ago. He had to hang out ONE load of laundry in that time, and he griped like there was no tomorrow. OMG, the perils of no dryer. I told him even when I get a new one, we're still using the line. It saves $100 a month.
It amazes me, I can make twice what he does, but I'm the one that worries about saving money. He's all about saving money til it means he has to do something.
I could spit nails. I really was kinda hoping he wouldn't come back tonight.
I said "WE" don't have a perfectly good one here, "I" do.
DEX's parents help me out often. His mom watches Wee in the afternoons as much as she can, til we get this school situation figured out. If my car breaks down, they loan me theirs. When we went to Alabama this spring, I had to fix a headlight in my truck before we pulled out. I mentioned it to exMIL as I picked up Wee that afternoon, and a couple hours later, she and exFIL showed up with their car and a coupld hundred bucks. They told us to get, and have a good time. When I got home, the headlight was fixed, too. They aren't rich, but they do nice things often. She'll make a casserole and bring it by for supper, or buy the big box of fried chicken and drop it off here. I could not have made it without them, and I despise husband for what I see as taking advantage of them. They help me as much as they can, and they don't have to do squat. And there he sits, playing disposable cars. It makes me feel so trashy.
Anyway, when I told him it was pretty sad when the ex'es are so willing to help and he can't even put forth the effort to take care of what we have, and I resented his abuse of their help. (Heck, husband was mad yesterday because they returned a joint-owned hay elevator to us that exFIL brought it back and coudln't get it in the barn by himself. I can promise if it hadn't come back, husband would have been equally as ticked off...). He yelled at me that he's sorry his family isn't up to my standard's and rich.
WTH? Rich? Who's rich? My family would be if they ever sold the farm. But that's my family. NOT me. They help if I need it, but sheesh...husband's parents give him and his sister FAR more than i get from anyone, so what does family money have to do with anything? OMG.
He has also yelled at me tonight that I must have damaged the car by changing the oil last week.
Remember that commercial lawnmower he bought 4 years ago? I pointed out he hasn't even changed the oil in it. He drives is twice a week, all year round. During mowing season, it mows our yard (3 acres), his folks' yard, and sometimes the church. He has changed the oil in that thing (drum roll please) TWICE. And he got bent out of shape because I said once.
Twice, in 4 years. And he wonders why it wont run very well now, either. The past 2 summers, it dies at random, particularly on hillsides. He just turns up the choke and keeps on driving it instead of looking into the problem and fixing it.
I'm a dang far cry from perfect, but darnit, I try. 8 years ago when the gas prices went up, I didn't know ANYTHING about cars. Gas ate my budget, so I either had to learn, or give up the horses. I'm not perfect, but I try. I have 4 close friends who are mechanics, so advice and help is not far away. And dag-nabbit, I open the owner's manual in the glove boxes and read the maintenance sheets every now and again. I dont follow them to a T, but I follow them.
Our dryer broke about 4 months ago. He had to hang out ONE load of laundry in that time, and he griped like there was no tomorrow. OMG, the perils of no dryer. I told him even when I get a new one, we're still using the line. It saves $100 a month.
It amazes me, I can make twice what he does, but I'm the one that worries about saving money. He's all about saving money til it means he has to do something.
I could spit nails. I really was kinda hoping he wouldn't come back tonight.
Last edited:
GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
My brother in law is like this with cars. He just kills them within a year or two. He managed to kill a couple of older Toyotas and Hondas during the past few years. Makes and models that run forever when well cared for.
We've sold him a few high mileage Toyotas over the years. Cars with many years left in them providing routine maintenance is done.
Only bad one I've had with my current SUV was having to replace the power steering rack and pinion assembly because it was leaking. It was either replace it or keep pouring fluid into it
The next "big" service is at 90K when they replace the timing belt, filters and change out all fluids.
We've sold him a few high mileage Toyotas over the years. Cars with many years left in them providing routine maintenance is done.
Only bad one I've had with my current SUV was having to replace the power steering rack and pinion assembly because it was leaking. It was either replace it or keep pouring fluid into it
The next "big" service is at 90K when they replace the timing belt, filters and change out all fluids.
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
UNfortunately, GN, these weren't toyotas or hondas. (that might be a good thing...if they were, I'd be even angrier). But they WERE GM vehicles with under 150k on each that should have easily gone to 200k. He drove each for slightly under a year. Both started running hot...both both both...
And this on top of several years of additional failure to maintain...I mean, when the tranny case cracked on his truck, I took it to have it put in a new case. The tranny was less than 4 years old...maybe 3. And it was too worn out and trashed to be worth putting in a new case without a total rebuild. It just makes me sick.
And this on top of several years of additional failure to maintain...I mean, when the tranny case cracked on his truck, I took it to have it put in a new case. The tranny was less than 4 years old...maybe 3. And it was too worn out and trashed to be worth putting in a new case without a total rebuild. It just makes me sick.
AnnieO
Shooting from the Hip
Let him walk. And hold your ground, even if you have to hide the car keys!
GrrRrrRrrRrr!!!!! I do thank you for the reminder to check my car's bodily fluids, though. They should be OK, but we got frost last night. Oil change was 1 month ago courtesy of my husband.
I'm livid right along with you. Helloooooo... It doesn't take that much work to keep a vehicle well-maintained.
And you're right - it IS your family, not you. We have a similar situation. husband does drive his vehicles hard, too - but at least he attempts to maintain them.
GrrRrrRrrRrr!!!!! I do thank you for the reminder to check my car's bodily fluids, though. They should be OK, but we got frost last night. Oil change was 1 month ago courtesy of my husband.
I'm livid right along with you. Helloooooo... It doesn't take that much work to keep a vehicle well-maintained.
And you're right - it IS your family, not you. We have a similar situation. husband does drive his vehicles hard, too - but at least he attempts to maintain them.
Shari--
This may be a dumb question....but what? I remember you were reminding your husband to change the oil. Obviously he didn't - sounds like you did it for him. And then the car died? Did I miss something? Was not enough new oil put in? Or did the drain not get plugged in properly so the new oil leaked out? Or was some other fluid to blame - coolant low or something? Or was the engine already in trouble and the timing of the breakdown is just a coincidence - but enough to make husband blame you ?
gcvmom
Here we go again!
He needs a haircut. And they need to take A LOT off the top, because clearly, it is waaaaay too thick up there for anything to get through. 
I sure hope you aren't forced into a position of solving this one for him. I really hope you can deflect and leave it lying squarely in his lap where it belongs. He is such a supreme bonehead...
I sure hope you aren't forced into a position of solving this one for him. I really hope you can deflect and leave it lying squarely in his lap where it belongs. He is such a supreme bonehead...
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
It had already overheated a couple weeks ago so the damage was already probably done then. Overheated due to low coolant and oil. I bought the stuff to change the oil. It sat here. So when I changed my car and the truck a week ago, I changed his, too. Figured if I didn't, it would never get done. Shouldn't have, but I did. Didn't gain me much.
The car is full of oil. None has leaked. That was the first thing I freaked out about. The head gasket, most likely, blew. And the reason head gaskets fail is heat....
The car is full of oil. None has leaked. That was the first thing I freaked out about. The head gasket, most likely, blew. And the reason head gaskets fail is heat....
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Oh, and he got up early and left in my truck. He's not going to ask his folks for a vehicle when we have a perfectly good one sitting out here.
I'm not sure what to do. We have the little farm truck, but its not street legal. I don't want to solve this for him, but short of booting his ass out, I'm not sure what to do. He just TOOK my truck today when I said no. It woudln't start for him, either, he called me on the way to gripe that the batteries were low again and I need to replace them. I had them checked. They are fine. The mechanic at the battery place said it was the all the **** hard wired to the positivei sided of the battery that keeps draining them, so it all has to be removed. Since he hasn't even had time to change the oil in his car, I didn't figure there was any point in asking him to work on that project....it will fall on me.
I could get the farm truck legal and tell him strike 3, you're out. But I don't want to. But he's obiously not going to ake this easy.
I'm not sure what to do. We have the little farm truck, but its not street legal. I don't want to solve this for him, but short of booting his ass out, I'm not sure what to do. He just TOOK my truck today when I said no. It woudln't start for him, either, he called me on the way to gripe that the batteries were low again and I need to replace them. I had them checked. They are fine. The mechanic at the battery place said it was the all the **** hard wired to the positivei sided of the battery that keeps draining them, so it all has to be removed. Since he hasn't even had time to change the oil in his car, I didn't figure there was any point in asking him to work on that project....it will fall on me.
I could get the farm truck legal and tell him strike 3, you're out. But I don't want to. But he's obiously not going to ake this easy.
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
I think I am gonna take that farm truck to the mechanic and have the brakes fixed. I know, I know...its solving it for husband, which I don't want to do, but its really either this, let him drive mine, or boot him out, which I'm not entirely against, either, at this point.
When its done, I will ask his dad, only, to come over. I will tell husband this is strike 3. IF this truck is not maintained as tho it were the last vehicle on the planet, I will open a seperate checking account for myself. His paycheck will go back to him entirely. I will expect his portion of the bills to be paid to me each week, and he will be solely responsible for what he drives going forward. And he will not drive mine. WILL NOT. I will have dad there for 2 reasons - 1) so dad hears exactly what I say because he has actually told me the only way husband has ever been responsible with vehicles was when he was forced to take care of them, and 2) so dad knows if this one blows, husband will be calling him for something to drive, because I am done, and dad can address that...not me. Maybe husband needs to step up and be a man, and maybe dad can help. I dunno.
Oh, and 3), I am going to nag him to the point its gonna make his mama look like a quiet saintly woman about taking care of this truck.
But I think that's my plan. I think. I'm mulling it over.
When its done, I will ask his dad, only, to come over. I will tell husband this is strike 3. IF this truck is not maintained as tho it were the last vehicle on the planet, I will open a seperate checking account for myself. His paycheck will go back to him entirely. I will expect his portion of the bills to be paid to me each week, and he will be solely responsible for what he drives going forward. And he will not drive mine. WILL NOT. I will have dad there for 2 reasons - 1) so dad hears exactly what I say because he has actually told me the only way husband has ever been responsible with vehicles was when he was forced to take care of them, and 2) so dad knows if this one blows, husband will be calling him for something to drive, because I am done, and dad can address that...not me. Maybe husband needs to step up and be a man, and maybe dad can help. I dunno.
Oh, and 3), I am going to nag him to the point its gonna make his mama look like a quiet saintly woman about taking care of this truck.
But I think that's my plan. I think. I'm mulling it over.
trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
Shari, this sounds like a solid plan. I don't know if it will work, but whether it does or doesn't will give you all the information you need for the next decision you have to make.
The only thing I would change is the number of chances. When I play baseball, strike 3 means "yer OUT!" If husband is already at strike 3, then he's run out of chances. I would open the separate account and put the rest of your plan into action immediately. husband has already shown you that he won't play along with your current rules. It's beyond time that you modified them to let him feel the natural consequences.
I also think that, rather than nagging him you should just let him sink or swim. Be sure that he doesn't have access to any of your stuff (truck, keys, bank account, whatever) and then just leave him to it. On top of everything else you have to worry about, you certainly don't need to manage this project.
Sending you a steel-toed boot for a swift kick wherever one would be most useful, and my favourite whacking stick. I just finished using them on a co-worker who was bogging down my project, and won't be needing them for a while.
Trinity
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
This isn't strke 3. I guess it could be, depending on how you look at it. I wouldn't be out of line to say "buh-bye... figure it out". The first car used oil like there was no tomorrow. I gave a benefit of the doubt on that one. For sure, tho, he did not help it with the complete lack of maintenance on it. The second car, I told him he had to take care of it. He didn't. But I never gave a "what if". I figure I'll just treat him like one of the kids. The difference would hav ebeen that I'd have already told the kids if they blew that car up, they'd be walking. Guess I was still living in lala land hoping he'd get it before he ruined another one.
So this has the potential to be strike 3. And I realize that stuff happens. So...like with this car, if he had routinely changed the oil, replaced the brakes as they got worn instead of letting them dig into the rotors, etc, and it still blew...I wouldn't be blaming him. Same for the truck. If he treats it like he can't ever have another one, and it still blows up? Fine. Stuff happens. He treats it like he has the previous cars and trucks? It is NOT my problem anymore. Probably should be that way now...but he doesn't get it. So I'll be his mama and lay it out in black and white.
So this has the potential to be strike 3. And I realize that stuff happens. So...like with this car, if he had routinely changed the oil, replaced the brakes as they got worn instead of letting them dig into the rotors, etc, and it still blew...I wouldn't be blaming him. Same for the truck. If he treats it like he can't ever have another one, and it still blows up? Fine. Stuff happens. He treats it like he has the previous cars and trucks? It is NOT my problem anymore. Probably should be that way now...but he doesn't get it. So I'll be his mama and lay it out in black and white.
