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I do not want to be so afraid anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 690554" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>Copa,</p><p></p><p>I think you will be fine at work. I think M has given you some insight in to mannerisms that you have which could be problematic for you. I think you will remember that and reduce those behaviors. I think that each person that we lose in our lives (like your mother) resides somewhere deep in our hearts and makes us a little bit stronger. I also think that as we get older, we increase our ability to reflect on our actions and change our behaviors.</p><p></p><p>You are no longer that vulnerable, grief stricken person. You've been through the grief and emerged on the other side as a stronger person. I think that you should purchase a talisman, like a pin or a scarf, and wear it to work to symbolize the vivid plumage of your phoenix. Or perhaps something to sit on your desk to remind you that the <em>open season</em> sign has been removed. It doesn't matter what it is, because the meaning is solely for you. Give yourself a visual reminder that you are a stronger person. </p><p></p><p>The other trick which works for me is to take whatever <em>pain </em>I happen to be feeling whatever the cause, to visualize placing it into a box and closing the lid. For instance, I am worried about my former father in law who is now ill. I cannot carry that worry to work with me or else Jack will see it and unravel. Seriously, the boy is unbelievably empathetic. I absolutely cannot show him any sadness. For him, I have to be nothing but strong. Before walking into the school, I take those worries, stuff them into that box and slam the lid shut. I do not take them out and examine them while at work. </p><p></p><p>I asked my SO about how I appear to others who do not know me. He was honest and said, "aloof." I heard that once before from a friend many years ago. I'll take aloof.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 690554, member: 11832"] Copa, I think you will be fine at work. I think M has given you some insight in to mannerisms that you have which could be problematic for you. I think you will remember that and reduce those behaviors. I think that each person that we lose in our lives (like your mother) resides somewhere deep in our hearts and makes us a little bit stronger. I also think that as we get older, we increase our ability to reflect on our actions and change our behaviors. You are no longer that vulnerable, grief stricken person. You've been through the grief and emerged on the other side as a stronger person. I think that you should purchase a talisman, like a pin or a scarf, and wear it to work to symbolize the vivid plumage of your phoenix. Or perhaps something to sit on your desk to remind you that the [I]open season[/I] sign has been removed. It doesn't matter what it is, because the meaning is solely for you. Give yourself a visual reminder that you are a stronger person. The other trick which works for me is to take whatever [I]pain [/I]I happen to be feeling whatever the cause, to visualize placing it into a box and closing the lid. For instance, I am worried about my former father in law who is now ill. I cannot carry that worry to work with me or else Jack will see it and unravel. Seriously, the boy is unbelievably empathetic. I absolutely cannot show him any sadness. For him, I have to be nothing but strong. Before walking into the school, I take those worries, stuff them into that box and slam the lid shut. I do not take them out and examine them while at work. I asked my SO about how I appear to others who do not know me. He was honest and said, "aloof." I heard that once before from a friend many years ago. I'll take aloof. [/QUOTE]
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