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I do not want to be so afraid anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690559" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you, Cedar. What you say ties into these Alanon sayings which I found today: </p><p>In the sense that I cannot take responsibility for the behavior of others. It really has nothing to do with me. I can take possession of it or view it as something neutral. I do not need to judge or to respond. I can just see it, and leave it alone.</p><p></p><p>It is the lock and key. Let me remember that. I can choose to ignore the key. Not be keyed.</p><p></p><p>So this is interesting, when viewed with your other observation:I seem to pay attention to the predator, and validate what he says, because I feel hurt.</p><p></p><p>This is astute, Cedar. Because at no time do I ever believe truly that the predator is correct. Except I do. I defend but I keep reviewing and reviewing the offense, because I fear it must have a kernel of truth.</p><p></p><p>The false assumption that I make is this: <em>If something had not been wrong with me they would not have been mean. They would not have said it, if it had not been true. </em></p><p></p><p>Which of course goes back to the child in the dungeon.<em> I would not be there if I did not deserve it.</em></p><p></p><p>So this transitions nicely to these other Alanon sayings:</p><p></p><p>The key blunder or misinterpretation I make is to immediately judge myself as responsible or at fault <em>when </em>I have a shame response. It is like a red light (interesting choice of words) that immediately causes me to <em>put myself in the dungeon.</em></p><p></p><p><em>It is not that I hold myself of low value. It is that I make the decision to hold myself responsible. </em></p><p></p><p><em>Actually, I hold myself as high value. I always have, I think. (I just kept it a secret from myself).That is my guilty little secret. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I just blame myself for everything. Because I learned to do that as a child.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am the only one who I should really fear. I am the one who holds the keys to the dungeon. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Thank you, Cedar.</em></p><p>Dolly is wonderful. She was in absolute misery--and we (M) was afraid to take her to the vet, because he could not bear to lose her. We were certain we would put her down if she was quite ill. Thus (he) was immobilized. Finally, I put my foot down, that we must go to the vet, and we lucked out.</p><p></p><p>It was dusk and the regular vet was closed. At an all night emergency vet, the most handsome and kind and knowledgeable man, helped Dolly. He believed it could be inflammation (arthritis) and/or infection, or cancer--as a long shot. So he did blood work and took xrays, sonograms of her lungs and abdomen and no sign of cancer to be found. We left with Tramadol, an antibiotic and anti-inflammatory and by the next morning Dolly was fine.</p><p></p><p>She has been so happy, full of life--we are thrilled. Not to mention grateful. I asked M last week if we could get a Boxer puppy (my idea was that while Dolly was at her peak-Dollyness, she could socialize a baby Dolly who we would call either Holly or Polly. I think Holly. (I have already had a Molly.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690559, member: 18958"] Thank you, Cedar. What you say ties into these Alanon sayings which I found today: In the sense that I cannot take responsibility for the behavior of others. It really has nothing to do with me. I can take possession of it or view it as something neutral. I do not need to judge or to respond. I can just see it, and leave it alone. It is the lock and key. Let me remember that. I can choose to ignore the key. Not be keyed. So this is interesting, when viewed with your other observation:I seem to pay attention to the predator, and validate what he says, because I feel hurt. This is astute, Cedar. Because at no time do I ever believe truly that the predator is correct. Except I do. I defend but I keep reviewing and reviewing the offense, because I fear it must have a kernel of truth. The false assumption that I make is this: [I]If something had not been wrong with me they would not have been mean. They would not have said it, if it had not been true. [/I] Which of course goes back to the child in the dungeon.[I] I would not be there if I did not deserve it.[/I] So this transitions nicely to these other Alanon sayings: The key blunder or misinterpretation I make is to immediately judge myself as responsible or at fault [I]when [/I]I have a shame response. It is like a red light (interesting choice of words) that immediately causes me to [I]put myself in the dungeon.[/I] [I]It is not that I hold myself of low value. It is that I make the decision to hold myself responsible. [/I] [I]Actually, I hold myself as high value. I always have, I think. (I just kept it a secret from myself).That is my guilty little secret. I just blame myself for everything. Because I learned to do that as a child. I am the only one who I should really fear. I am the one who holds the keys to the dungeon. Thank you, Cedar.[/I] Dolly is wonderful. She was in absolute misery--and we (M) was afraid to take her to the vet, because he could not bear to lose her. We were certain we would put her down if she was quite ill. Thus (he) was immobilized. Finally, I put my foot down, that we must go to the vet, and we lucked out. It was dusk and the regular vet was closed. At an all night emergency vet, the most handsome and kind and knowledgeable man, helped Dolly. He believed it could be inflammation (arthritis) and/or infection, or cancer--as a long shot. So he did blood work and took xrays, sonograms of her lungs and abdomen and no sign of cancer to be found. We left with Tramadol, an antibiotic and anti-inflammatory and by the next morning Dolly was fine. She has been so happy, full of life--we are thrilled. Not to mention grateful. I asked M last week if we could get a Boxer puppy (my idea was that while Dolly was at her peak-Dollyness, she could socialize a baby Dolly who we would call either Holly or Polly. I think Holly. (I have already had a Molly.) [/QUOTE]
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