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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 722592" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>there are similarities in our situations. son. similar diagnoses.. when my son was 19 there began to be a battle between us about productive activity. i was able to push him until he was 23 to do some college, job corps, a nurses aid program and 16 mos of that work in a psychiatric unit, until he quit that job due to depression.</p><p></p><p>he was impossible to live with, hostile and would not seek treatment. i kicked him out. almost 7 years ago.</p><p></p><p> he had been back. living near or with us for 15 mos or so before he left about 4 mos ago. it was way better after 4 years or more away. but still a battle.</p><p></p><p>while he has been homeless, the majority of time not. he got himself ssi and he has been working a few days a week.</p><p></p><p> more and more he is happy. he makes suicidal statements when he is stressed and does not know how to solve a problem. because i do not know where to send the police i will not talk to him if he makes inferences or threats of self harm to me. he knows what to do. go to the hospital.</p><p></p><p>this is the learning for me. </p><p></p><p>no adult child should be indolent in my house.</p><p></p><p>if you are here in my space, you treat me with respect.</p><p></p><p>nobody has the right to bargain with me or hold me hostage threatenning their life. least of all my child.</p><p></p><p>there are always options.</p><p></p><p>things change for the better and sometimes the worst. but there is no control.</p><p></p><p>there is a limit to how much i can take and should. (ie being sick for years from stress is way beond sane.)</p><p></p><p>i deserve a peaceful home and have the responsibility to defend it.</p><p></p><p>they have resources and capacities and will possibly use them but not if we accept their bad behavior, their self-indulgence, or their rule.</p><p></p><p>oh yes. my house. my rules. no marijuana. no under the influence. no dirty test. no discussion.</p><p></p><p>now. i panic when he is vulnerable and i get back to the place where i find all of this unbearable.</p><p></p><p>but the thing is: he is better and better. self-aware. sometimes wise. accepting. funny and light hearted. mellower. he is getting to know himself. has better and deeper friendships than do i. in many ways i can see he is stronger and healthier than am i.</p><p></p><p>there was a gift that came from not being able to function well. he has to live and accept his real life. i could hide by achievement. and faking it to myself. </p><p>but there is no hiding forever.</p><p></p><p>please keep posting. you will gain strength, support and come to know and decide upon your course. this is a process. for us and them.</p><p></p><p>ps we cannot help them. they help themselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 722592, member: 18958"] there are similarities in our situations. son. similar diagnoses.. when my son was 19 there began to be a battle between us about productive activity. i was able to push him until he was 23 to do some college, job corps, a nurses aid program and 16 mos of that work in a psychiatric unit, until he quit that job due to depression. he was impossible to live with, hostile and would not seek treatment. i kicked him out. almost 7 years ago. he had been back. living near or with us for 15 mos or so before he left about 4 mos ago. it was way better after 4 years or more away. but still a battle. while he has been homeless, the majority of time not. he got himself ssi and he has been working a few days a week. more and more he is happy. he makes suicidal statements when he is stressed and does not know how to solve a problem. because i do not know where to send the police i will not talk to him if he makes inferences or threats of self harm to me. he knows what to do. go to the hospital. this is the learning for me. no adult child should be indolent in my house. if you are here in my space, you treat me with respect. nobody has the right to bargain with me or hold me hostage threatenning their life. least of all my child. there are always options. things change for the better and sometimes the worst. but there is no control. there is a limit to how much i can take and should. (ie being sick for years from stress is way beond sane.) i deserve a peaceful home and have the responsibility to defend it. they have resources and capacities and will possibly use them but not if we accept their bad behavior, their self-indulgence, or their rule. oh yes. my house. my rules. no marijuana. no under the influence. no dirty test. no discussion. now. i panic when he is vulnerable and i get back to the place where i find all of this unbearable. but the thing is: he is better and better. self-aware. sometimes wise. accepting. funny and light hearted. mellower. he is getting to know himself. has better and deeper friendships than do i. in many ways i can see he is stronger and healthier than am i. there was a gift that came from not being able to function well. he has to live and accept his real life. i could hide by achievement. and faking it to myself. but there is no hiding forever. please keep posting. you will gain strength, support and come to know and decide upon your course. this is a process. for us and them. ps we cannot help them. they help themselves. [/QUOTE]
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