I don't believe our son has CD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by boozeoil, Nov 7, 2017.

  1. boozeoil

    boozeoil New Member

    His erratic behavior started when we told him finally that he is adopted. His mother gave him to us and left for Brazil to be with another man. It has been a year since we dropped the bomb on him. Yes, that's the correct term. And I guess, he is feeling lost thus he is resorting to different violations. We imposed some disciplinary actions on him but it just gets worse. My friends say maybe he is showing signs of conduct disorder. I refuse to believe that.

    Should we have him examined by a mental health professional?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Absolutely yes, but not for Conduct Disorder! Do you realize that by not telling him about his true history until now you just destroyed his reality, his security and his sense of who he is??? All three of my adopted children knew it from birth. I am not sure your son needed to know that his birthmother "ran off" with a man and left him (probably horrified him), even though she did. How could you expect him to be okay processing his new reality?

    You should have told him always, but you didnt. The best thing you can do for him now is to get him into intensive therapy. Sorry to sound harsh, but it is troubling that you didnt know he would need tons of therapy to handle this shock. Seriously...get him help NOW or his future could be very bleak. How would you have felt if you had suddenly found this out about yourself? Not good, I would bet. Not if you found out after these years that you are adopted and that your birth mother wanted so little to do with you that she ran off with a man to Brazil. How would that make you feel? And you are older than this boy.

    You can punish him to the stars and it wont erase his trauma. Yes, trauma. Have compassion and tell him you understand and are sorry you waited to tell him and support him as he tries to find his balance again. Any kid would act out after having his world turned upside down like this. As would even an adult. Get him help. ASAP. Did you legally adopt him at least? How old is your son now?
     
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    Last edited: Nov 7, 2017
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Therapy as SWOT says is a must. How old is your son? CD is a catch bucket and not a true diagnosis.

    I would get therapy to help him find some positive coping strategies ASAP.
    My son went off the rails with pot and conduct disorder at 15. Perfectly normal kid before that.

    You are not alone. We do what we feel is best for our kids. We are human and not perfect. Regardless, bad behaviour is just that. Not every kid in crisis acts out. It has a lot to do with their generic make up and personality. We don’t control that.

    Let us know what you decide to do and how you make out.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As one involved with adopted kids many times over, this is directly related to the shock of findig out that the life he thought he had and the parents he thought gave birth to him are in fact....all not true. And on top of that (and all adopted kids feel abandonment on various levels) he did not need to know right now that his mother left him for a man. This is a trauma. I would not be shocked if he tried to find birthmother for an explanation. In the internet age, it is not hard to find birth relatives....Goneboy found all of his just on Facebook and flew out to meet them in Asia. My other adopted kids have not tried, although they have my blessing. I think they ferl it will hurt me and eill not do it until I am gone. And I think they will easily find them.

    At any rate, this is different from a child going wayward due to peer pressure or school trouble or even mental illness. This is a life turned upside down. Nobody is perfect, and condeming does no good. But righting a wrong is honorable and this confused child deserves extreme treatment before the drugs and other stuff kick in. Traumatized kids do have problems, even if they keep them deep inside until they erupt, and this kid is already coming apart. Apparently it is quite bad and followed learning about his truth.

    This kid is going to need a lot of therapy to help him feel whole again. His entire identity was eroded. With no blame attached, he still needs therapy. This is not an issue to ignore or to expect to go away.

    It will not. This is trauma, not Conduct Disorder. The origin is clear. Friends who have not adopted have not a clue.

    Please get this child the help he needs and deserves. Maybe you need family therapy too. This is a family issue. But the boy also needs private therapy.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2017
  5. clawednest

    clawednest New Member

    let him undergo theraphy
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Maybe family therapy to talk through this. You don't want him going down a bad road. Reel him in!