buddy
New Member
School, PACER, Disability Law Center? I have a pounding headache. Just took 2 hours to finish an email to school...trying to word it so carefully. But on advice from the law center, they said to send an email confirming what was talked about today to document it all!
I called PACER and Dis Law. and they are both advising but can not use Disabiity Law if PACER is on board..... so I will use Disability Law...PACER gives advice, that is ok but they wont come to meetings until there is a violation of the IEP or a large issue, I asked again if admin. overriding the bip is an issue, she said, well yes in her opinion so she is going to talk with their boss, supervising advocate to make sure. Disability Law on the other hand, is already angry with everyone involved from other kids she works with. So she already guessed what is up. She siad she was hoping the problem (she has 13 kids with high functoning abilities who are falling thru the cracks and being denied services and being punished) and since Q is high in some areas very low in others, she said I busted her bubble that maybe this district was doing right by the lower functioning kids. sorry lady.......
Q was upset from the get go about the locks this morning. I wouldn't unlock until the bus came and then he went out calling me a B and saying he was going to show his penis...(just a I will do all the things you hate because it gets back at you move, so obviously not an exhibitionist) so, I called school to prep them, and drove there for our 8 oclock "core team" meeting. Couldn't start the meeting because he was putting a whistle in his mouth and they were afraid he would choke. THey got into a big power struggle about it . I finally asked them if this was really worth it. He is really getting a huge pay off for arguing about it. I went and got the whistle, but hten they wanted me to get his ds. cord (we are not in a psychiatric hospital)...well that could cut him if he puts it in his mouth. I said, well then he gets cut. He wont cut himself, it is a PLUG. If he wrecks it, more likely thing to do, he wont have it...big. bummer for him. I said, after I take that, he will grab something else because IT IS WORKING! He asked for gum...give him the d*mn gum.
We go to the meeting, they say they want me to sign releases for the psychiatric hospital to talk to them about anything. Since I am suspicious about their motives, I say I have always refused to sign open permission to communicate. I am willing to help you find out any answers to questions you have. Please write down your questions and I will sign a release to address each question. I am willing to let you have the discharge summary and the teacher can talk to you about what worked and didn't work in her setting. The fact is, he was sick, how he was there is not how he is normally so there is nothing they could say that would benefit school, only satisfy their curiousity. but I didn't say that of course. the team said that was fine and fair.
So school psychiatric (the one who said he grabbed Q before, remember?) brings in the release with big X's on psychological reports, treatment plans, blah blah blah. I looked up at him and said, this is not what I said I was comfortable with. he looked at me and slapped his hand down and picked it all up and left. I sat up (luckily my two guys from the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) company were there as was the nurse and the two behavior specialists) After he left I said, look guys, I am giving you every bit of paper I have, diagnosis, they give (and explained they didn't put the seizures because of insurance) etc. The nurse said, how about I go get another one. She came back, wrote "discharg summary" and then added that the teacher could talk to our teacher. I signed it. I said, I am sorry guys that just didn't feel right. They ALL said it was fine, to trust my gut and that was that. I said, if you have other questions ask me, I will get you the information or connect you to who can give you infor for that specific concern. I will not allow a fishing trip. So, in the mean time I go down to the library and hang out in case they need help. They try to work on a plan like we did at hospital when he wouldn't leave. They had already decided he shouldn't stay so I was going to take him but he had fallen asleep (very suspicious) so they came and got me, said he was having a hard time. So I go up and vice principal is there, teacher, behavior specialist and ed. asst. They tell me he started blurting the sex words again and now is just not stopping. I said, it seems too hard for him so I will take him home, but he maybe not going to come right away so if not we can stay here and work it out... vice principal says well maybe mr sp ed. admin and I can tell him he has to go,,,, I said, well but we can predict he will go ito fight mode and he will escalate and I am asking, does that mean you are going to add days off for him?? (they already decided all of next week, half days) so that is a 4 day in a row removal already. I said, you are going to put him in a place where he WILL be inappropriate. so is it fair to punish him.... He said well that is a whole other discussion we have to have (remember I said my gut says the admin has an agenda). Well, I said I will take care of it. Gave him a prn medication, sat there while he ripped up a full notebook and hoards of worksheets (it was impressive) and he was crying by this point. He started asking me about different things. I offered to drive around and collect menus from restaurants we havent' eaten at. He said, "you are not just trying to fool me are you? " and I said no, absolutely not School is too hard today, lets do what we can to calm down. He said, OK I wont say "haha I got to do something fun if you do that" Remember he always prefers school so......
I get home and am sick and tired of waiting for pacer and dis. law, but haven't called them becasue of the hospital stuff...
I called both. Got both to call me back today! After talking to them, found out they are both interested.... dis. law may be more valuable though... once connected there are other areas they can help if needed, and they wll come to meetings sooner.
After I talk to them I get a call from asst. principal. HE had mr sp ed admin want to meet with me privately monday. OH REALLY????? That is when I find out Q said teacher was having sex with students blah blah and they are concerned..... (here's me saying I understand but thinking....AND YOU ARE WORRIED THAT ANYONE WILL BELIEVE Q??? HE HAS ALREADY SAID THIS ABOUT TWO OTHER PEOPLE...THEN TALKS ABOUT PENN STATE, OBVIOUS ECHOIC STUFF...) So, I say ... well I am uncomfortable having a private meeting with you about something this serious that is a behavior related to his disability and it would be better to include the entire IEP team. I reminded mr sp ed admin that even he had told me that at one meeting people told us that the plan was working and at another they told him it wasn't...I said I just dont want any more communication issues. I said in the mean time why dont we do what the hospital did and have him start his day (he is in there tons already anyway) in his office, he has to earn minutes in the class by staying in the green zone for x amount of time just until we break this pattern. I also reminded them that the psychiatric in elem . brought in The Explosive Child and used those methods and they worked. I said we need to define exactly the words he can't say (he can't stop it all but maybe we can reduce some of the words) so different people dont react to different triggers.
So, after refusing the meeting I admitted that I needed enough time to bring in an advocate of some sort because I really do not want to work outside of the IEP process. I explained that I want us to continue to have a good working relationship but that I feel the need to have someone to help me sort throught this.
Here is the preliminary things both places told me to do.... and they are talking to others to get more ideas and mn dis. law will call me back about what I just said to her. Both said to ask for an independent FBA. they had their chance, they are not experts in this area and mn dis. law lady knows just who to ask. I asked if this means I pay for it??? and they both say NO. they had their chance. (who knows if they will agree or not) If they say they want a change in placement and there is not serious injury, nodrugs, no weapons, then they can't move him for a while, if I disagree in writing. I worry they will provoke him like they tried to do today when it is clear that he can be de-escalated.
I am ready to throw up and in the mean time my kid is beside himself. Naturally. He just said, mom, it was my first day back...I never do good then. I laughed, I said well you got that right. I am so overwhelmed. I am walking on egg shells with my kid trying to get him better, and dealing with some real jerks. I called our psychiatric and asked him what he thought, and he said that my instincts are always right, he knew they would call. He also said that what I did with the ROI's was what he advises people all the time. He said, it is not good to have papers, especially about mental health flying around a school district. I know that is true. truth is anyone can check out a file and things like his hospital. stay are out of context, very different than his normal life, so it does not apply.
to top it off my finger, while better still hurts, I have a fever and a cold. Life stinks right now. (maybe hospital was not so bad???)
(good news? while Q is bothered by the locks and pushing it, he is NOT aggressive and not threatening me at all,just asking over and over)
I called PACER and Dis Law. and they are both advising but can not use Disabiity Law if PACER is on board..... so I will use Disability Law...PACER gives advice, that is ok but they wont come to meetings until there is a violation of the IEP or a large issue, I asked again if admin. overriding the bip is an issue, she said, well yes in her opinion so she is going to talk with their boss, supervising advocate to make sure. Disability Law on the other hand, is already angry with everyone involved from other kids she works with. So she already guessed what is up. She siad she was hoping the problem (she has 13 kids with high functoning abilities who are falling thru the cracks and being denied services and being punished) and since Q is high in some areas very low in others, she said I busted her bubble that maybe this district was doing right by the lower functioning kids. sorry lady.......
Q was upset from the get go about the locks this morning. I wouldn't unlock until the bus came and then he went out calling me a B and saying he was going to show his penis...(just a I will do all the things you hate because it gets back at you move, so obviously not an exhibitionist) so, I called school to prep them, and drove there for our 8 oclock "core team" meeting. Couldn't start the meeting because he was putting a whistle in his mouth and they were afraid he would choke. THey got into a big power struggle about it . I finally asked them if this was really worth it. He is really getting a huge pay off for arguing about it. I went and got the whistle, but hten they wanted me to get his ds. cord (we are not in a psychiatric hospital)...well that could cut him if he puts it in his mouth. I said, well then he gets cut. He wont cut himself, it is a PLUG. If he wrecks it, more likely thing to do, he wont have it...big. bummer for him. I said, after I take that, he will grab something else because IT IS WORKING! He asked for gum...give him the d*mn gum.
We go to the meeting, they say they want me to sign releases for the psychiatric hospital to talk to them about anything. Since I am suspicious about their motives, I say I have always refused to sign open permission to communicate. I am willing to help you find out any answers to questions you have. Please write down your questions and I will sign a release to address each question. I am willing to let you have the discharge summary and the teacher can talk to you about what worked and didn't work in her setting. The fact is, he was sick, how he was there is not how he is normally so there is nothing they could say that would benefit school, only satisfy their curiousity. but I didn't say that of course. the team said that was fine and fair.
So school psychiatric (the one who said he grabbed Q before, remember?) brings in the release with big X's on psychological reports, treatment plans, blah blah blah. I looked up at him and said, this is not what I said I was comfortable with. he looked at me and slapped his hand down and picked it all up and left. I sat up (luckily my two guys from the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) company were there as was the nurse and the two behavior specialists) After he left I said, look guys, I am giving you every bit of paper I have, diagnosis, they give (and explained they didn't put the seizures because of insurance) etc. The nurse said, how about I go get another one. She came back, wrote "discharg summary" and then added that the teacher could talk to our teacher. I signed it. I said, I am sorry guys that just didn't feel right. They ALL said it was fine, to trust my gut and that was that. I said, if you have other questions ask me, I will get you the information or connect you to who can give you infor for that specific concern. I will not allow a fishing trip. So, in the mean time I go down to the library and hang out in case they need help. They try to work on a plan like we did at hospital when he wouldn't leave. They had already decided he shouldn't stay so I was going to take him but he had fallen asleep (very suspicious) so they came and got me, said he was having a hard time. So I go up and vice principal is there, teacher, behavior specialist and ed. asst. They tell me he started blurting the sex words again and now is just not stopping. I said, it seems too hard for him so I will take him home, but he maybe not going to come right away so if not we can stay here and work it out... vice principal says well maybe mr sp ed. admin and I can tell him he has to go,,,, I said, well but we can predict he will go ito fight mode and he will escalate and I am asking, does that mean you are going to add days off for him?? (they already decided all of next week, half days) so that is a 4 day in a row removal already. I said, you are going to put him in a place where he WILL be inappropriate. so is it fair to punish him.... He said well that is a whole other discussion we have to have (remember I said my gut says the admin has an agenda). Well, I said I will take care of it. Gave him a prn medication, sat there while he ripped up a full notebook and hoards of worksheets (it was impressive) and he was crying by this point. He started asking me about different things. I offered to drive around and collect menus from restaurants we havent' eaten at. He said, "you are not just trying to fool me are you? " and I said no, absolutely not School is too hard today, lets do what we can to calm down. He said, OK I wont say "haha I got to do something fun if you do that" Remember he always prefers school so......
I get home and am sick and tired of waiting for pacer and dis. law, but haven't called them becasue of the hospital stuff...
I called both. Got both to call me back today! After talking to them, found out they are both interested.... dis. law may be more valuable though... once connected there are other areas they can help if needed, and they wll come to meetings sooner.
After I talk to them I get a call from asst. principal. HE had mr sp ed admin want to meet with me privately monday. OH REALLY????? That is when I find out Q said teacher was having sex with students blah blah and they are concerned..... (here's me saying I understand but thinking....AND YOU ARE WORRIED THAT ANYONE WILL BELIEVE Q??? HE HAS ALREADY SAID THIS ABOUT TWO OTHER PEOPLE...THEN TALKS ABOUT PENN STATE, OBVIOUS ECHOIC STUFF...) So, I say ... well I am uncomfortable having a private meeting with you about something this serious that is a behavior related to his disability and it would be better to include the entire IEP team. I reminded mr sp ed admin that even he had told me that at one meeting people told us that the plan was working and at another they told him it wasn't...I said I just dont want any more communication issues. I said in the mean time why dont we do what the hospital did and have him start his day (he is in there tons already anyway) in his office, he has to earn minutes in the class by staying in the green zone for x amount of time just until we break this pattern. I also reminded them that the psychiatric in elem . brought in The Explosive Child and used those methods and they worked. I said we need to define exactly the words he can't say (he can't stop it all but maybe we can reduce some of the words) so different people dont react to different triggers.
So, after refusing the meeting I admitted that I needed enough time to bring in an advocate of some sort because I really do not want to work outside of the IEP process. I explained that I want us to continue to have a good working relationship but that I feel the need to have someone to help me sort throught this.
Here is the preliminary things both places told me to do.... and they are talking to others to get more ideas and mn dis. law will call me back about what I just said to her. Both said to ask for an independent FBA. they had their chance, they are not experts in this area and mn dis. law lady knows just who to ask. I asked if this means I pay for it??? and they both say NO. they had their chance. (who knows if they will agree or not) If they say they want a change in placement and there is not serious injury, nodrugs, no weapons, then they can't move him for a while, if I disagree in writing. I worry they will provoke him like they tried to do today when it is clear that he can be de-escalated.
I am ready to throw up and in the mean time my kid is beside himself. Naturally. He just said, mom, it was my first day back...I never do good then. I laughed, I said well you got that right. I am so overwhelmed. I am walking on egg shells with my kid trying to get him better, and dealing with some real jerks. I called our psychiatric and asked him what he thought, and he said that my instincts are always right, he knew they would call. He also said that what I did with the ROI's was what he advises people all the time. He said, it is not good to have papers, especially about mental health flying around a school district. I know that is true. truth is anyone can check out a file and things like his hospital. stay are out of context, very different than his normal life, so it does not apply.
to top it off my finger, while better still hurts, I have a fever and a cold. Life stinks right now. (maybe hospital was not so bad???)
(good news? while Q is bothered by the locks and pushing it, he is NOT aggressive and not threatening me at all,just asking over and over)
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