I dont know how I feel about my new therapist

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont like change...this I know about me.

    I loved my old therapist and she just had a way of working with me that helped me and she seemed to understand me. I dont think this guy does. He seems to think I have it more together than I think I do. He seems to want to stress the positives and while that is all well and good, I tend to really get irritated with that approach. I am so not into the power of positive thinking.

    I dont know if this is going to work. I have been seeing him now since...well, probably mid to late February and a ton of what I call surface stuff has gone on so we have just been talking about that. Also with him I have only been going every other week or so right now. Not a lot of time to get to know each other. Mostly we have talked about Keyana, the Easter fiasco at Jamie's, maybe something about how I met Joy...stuff like that. Nothing big. Oh...I tried to tell him the time before yesterday about how I was worried about my memory issues and he basically told me that he thought that it was probably my anxiety over Keyana leaving. Ummm...I have had issues with my memory for much longer than we even knew there was a possibility that Keyana would be leaving but he wouldnt even consider that. It has to be anxiety. yeah right. I dropped it.

    He also said he thought that a MRI would be the last thing I would need to do. More things like a neuropsychologist test should be first. Well that wont be happening...lol. I think its physical so a neuropsychologist wouldnt help a bit.

    He also said he likes to deal with things in the here and now rather than delving back into the past...well thats nice and all but I have junk that I still havent dealt with from back then. Sorry...Im complex. He also thinks I dont have borderline just bipolar and I manage wonderfully with it. No no no. Sorry. You are seeing the face I put on for people I am not comfortable with buddy. I dont know you well and I am not going to trust you for at least a good year or two. Look at what happened with the last therapist...she left me!!!

    I think I need someone else...maybe another female therapist.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Doesn't it just hoover when you and the therapist can't get on the same wavelength (so to speak)?? I'd try telling him what you feel you need, as far as the approach, and see if that helps. I wouldn't give it too long- maybe a couple of sessions after that, then find another one if it still seems like you're just not connecting or you're not finding it easy to open up and talk, or maybe he just doesn't get it. Don't feel bad about it, I've felt this way about most every therapist I've tried to open up to for a few years now. I seem to have no problem with "regular" MDs or even psychiatrists and they seems to understand everything I'm saying- not that I don't need a therapist, just that they seem to get the stress, etc. One thing I noticed, due to prefering evening hours and other factors that might influence which therapist I end up with, I/difficult child and I seemed to mostly get the most inexperienced. difficult child did end up with a good, experienced one for the last one while home (before being committed to Department of Juvenile Justice the first time), but by that point difficult child was just not opening up to any of them.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good "fit". By dismissing your Borderline (BPD) diagnosis, he also dismisses all the hard work you put into getting that under control. By dismissing your memory problems as simply anxiety - he also dismisses your legitimate concerns. And by dismissing your wishes to delve into the past, he dismisses the reason you want to continue therapy in the first place.

    This is not what you need.

    Maybe it's time to dismiss him? Thanks, but no thanks - I need to find someone who respects my needs.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    difficult child wouldn't deal with ANY therapist. Period. And then (long story, won't be told) we ended up needing to re-do all the testing, evaluations etc., and ended up with a PhD psychiatrist... just 'average' for brilliance (most PhDs are not brilliant), but really thorough with the research. More importantly... she believed difficult child's frustrations, validated his difficulties (not that we agreed on the source)... and difficult child decided to work with this one.

    Its just about as personal as a spouse or best friend. It clicks - or it doesn't. If you're not at liberty to be yourself, and if you can't drive the process where it needs to go, then it isn't working.

    Sounds like you just rolled the rim and got "sorry, please try again".
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Insane- I got the timmie's reference about rolling the rim, lol!

    Janet- You are not, nor have you ever been, a cookie cutter person. You've been abused, you have a mental illness, you developed a personality disorder and you also have pain issues, physical issues and neurological issues. I applaud you for recognizing that you are a complex individual and encourage you to find a therapist that understands and respects not only who you are today but also where you've come from. To dismiss the past is to dismiss cause & effect.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Guys...thank you for validating me. I am going to save this post. TM, you especially have meant a lot to me since you have known me a long time...not to say that all of you didnt help. Im going to have to start looking for a new therapist, I think I will look for a woman again.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't do the "here, now" thing.

    Well, let me put that differently. You can deal with "here / now" but until you've resolved the past, it's going to affect the here / now and complicate it.

    I've not found a single therapist who deals in the "here / now" worth a phht. If you only needed to deal with the present......odds are you don't have too much going on, which would make me wonder about their skill level since they only want to focus on clients who have no past to deal with. Know what I mean?? Everyone has a past to deal with to some degree, just some is fairly easy while others are a nitemare. And I'm sorry but I'm a firm believer in If You Don't Know Where You Came From Then How Do You Know Where You're Going?

    Dismissing the valid memory issue, not a good sign. Dismissing the MRI, also not a good sign. Recommending a neuropsychologist when you've already been evaled.......does the man even read your file or what?

    I think you've given it enough time. Doesn't sound like he's a good fit for you.

    While you may never find another that you mesh as well with as the last one, a bad fit is just going to get you nowhere fast.

    I don't do well with male tdocs. I can get along with them fine in a working environment, but not as a client. There are too many issues they just don't "get" just being male alone.