I don't know how to help her sometimes

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by totoro, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well most days! LOL

    I am just tired of feeling frustrated as to how to help her. We get e-mails from her Teacher once to a couple times a week just trying brainstorm as to how to help with social issues. She cries a lot and gets angry over missed social cues.
    She wanders around the playground and then misinterprets things the kids are doing. She comes out at the end of the day either manic or upset to the point where she doesn't want to go back.

    She goes to Social Group once a week at School. Her Teacher and spec. ed. director are talking about how to help her especially next year. She has explosions in the class and cries.
    They are bringing in the District Psychologist to work with her once a week now... we are going to meet first for another full overhaul of her IEP. This will be her 3rd one this year. Not to mention the in between meetings weekly and monthly!
    The School wants to help her so bad, but they are kind of at a loss and I think like most people the higher ups are broke and really don't want to admit that they don't get it...:faint:

    Because of her delusions and hallucinations as well as the fact that she is SO cognizant of her social inabilities yet unable to do anything about them yet, they are just flustered. As are we.

    Last week she was talking openly class about hallucinating, I doubt very much that they have had another kid like this. They all looked freaked out when we told them she hallucinated the first time.
    Her Teacher deals with it pretty well, luckily.
    The School is getting concerned about next year. I think it has hit them how poorly she is doing and how much she needs for next year, despite husband and I telling them.
    But then again some days I think what can they do? When I have no clue either?

    Her Psychologist is seriously thinking she is on the Spectrum, but is concerned about the DSM changes so she is hesitant of how and if to diagnosis her. But she feels that she fits a lot of the criteria and she would finally get some of the services that she can't without the diagnosis.

    I don't know, I am just talking... stressed with everything going on.
    Yesterday she lost it in the grocery store when she saw a GC for Club Penguin... which she is not allowed to play. But her classmates get to play it. She ended up lying on the floor, after the power went out in the store and she didn't even notice!?!?!

    She is finally coming down off of over a month of being hypo and manic, so she is running very weird the past 2 days.
    psychiatrist apt is coming up.

    husband and my Anniversary was Monday and once again we did nothing... I have no clue when we last had a break?
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Toto, K may need more services than the school is giving her right now, such as an aide, a self-contained classroom or a therapeutic school. As much as you may not want some of these things, I think you're going to have to face up to the fact that K may need more to succeed.

    How are the medications going? Sounds like she needs a major adjustment right now.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like school really wants to help. Does she have an aide with her? Like sw said she may need more services than they are providing.

    I'm sorry things are so frustrating-I know that feeling of not knowing exactly what to do to help. I'm so sorry she struggles so much. It sounds so much like you and husband need a break. I know it's almost impossible but I really wish you could get a little time away together. Gentle hugs and prayers.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    Smallworld made an excellent point about K needing more support than she is receiving. I also wanted to add that I'm really sorry about your anniversary... I understand because Duckie has been sick on our anniversary every year since she was born. Is there any chance you and husband could have a quiet day to celebrate while the girls are at school? {{{Hugs}}}
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh I want whatever she can get as far as services in any setting we can get. The problem is is that she does very well in the beginning, 1st grade she did pretty well at the School. We kept forewarning them. But does that do much? No.
    She does not get violent in school and she does not have many outbursts. She is more harmful to herself, mentally.
    So this year, we started slowly again, we warned them again that she needs social help and that she is not (in our opinion) progressing the way an 8 yo should. That she is slowly falling behind and will continue from the rest of the class.
    It took almost 1/2 the year for it to really become clear just how true this is.
    She tries so hard and she tries to hold it in. She tries to fit in, she will do anything not to stand out.
    She is not a problem in class per se. There are 2 other Autistic girls in her class who are lower functioning as far as academics. So they demand more from the aide as far as academics.
    The problem is, no-one knows where Kendall's head is half of the time. How do we IEP this? She doesn't cause a problem, she is just sort of lost. She doesn't really need someone attached to her.
    If we could we would love to send her to a School that specialized in kids like her. That could implement a plan just for how she thinks and works. That could help her deal and grow. I just can't seem to find one any where around here nor do I think we could afford one at this point in time.
    There is Devereux near here.

    How do you IEP a kid who is delusional? But no-one can pin it down as to a %?
    I have to talk to her therapist we haven't had a serious talk about all of this stuff. She suggested bringing in a Social Skills Coach from the outside.

    medications are still being worked out.
    We are still titrating up the Lamictal she is at 100mg. She is using Seroquel PRN the past couple weeks for mania.
    She is still at 5 mg Focalin.
    She is hitting her downslide after being manic for a long time.
    I think this will be the apt now that we discuss the next medication move.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Argh!! I feel your frustration totoro. I just know that things will get better. K has so many things going for her. A school that sincerely wants to help her, parents that never give up and her innate intelligence. As a side note she is amazingly cute too! The other good thing is that she is so young and you have lots of time to reach her. Hang in there. I think a spectrum influence makes sense and it would be great if it got her extra services.

    I sure hope you and husband can figure out a way to have some special time together. You need and deserve it. So many times I wish we all lived closer to be of in real life support.

    Hugs and Love,

  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thank you all so much

    It is so weird to see so clearly this time the distinct change from mania to depression this past week. She has been very calm and needy. Anxious but still cycling. But it is all in a much calmer weird way.
    Not wanting to leave the house, wanting to call Jeff if he leaves the house... birthday party yesterday she did great, she would be around the kids and then just wander around and spin or swing. She spent a long time feeding their horses with a classmate who is very high IQ as well.

    NOT scream and hang on people!

    Actually very interesting to watch and will be good info for psychiatrist.
    We have been looking into Schools and options for months now. We are compiling lists of her needs for next year at her school with therapist as well.
    I guess it is still just hard to try to know sometimes if it the "right" thing. Know what I mean??